Post # 1
Ok Bees, I’ve been lucky to experience pretty much nothing but happy stuff throughout my engagement but this one hit us like a ton of bricks. My fiance and I started out in a long distance relationship and we’re both very close to our moms. Since he moved from New York to Florida to be with me, he’s also grown very close to my mom and I’m hoping to have that with his mother when I can spend some real time with her rather than just quick visits or facebook conversations. They’re both so happy we’re getting married. His mom paid for our wedding bands and his suit while my mom’s officiating (she’s a minister) and helping pay for the venue and more. We both didn’t really have a father figure, mine was abusive, and while he loves his stepdad he doesn’t see him as a super dadlike type, so we were both having a mothers dance. The wedding is in September this year, everyone’s booked flights and paid all of the nonrefundable fees, my mom and his mom are so excited, and then.. his mom comes back from the doctor with terrible news of a tumor and a surgery that prevents her coming to the wedding.
She’s having surgery on the 19th of July to have it removed and we know she’s going to survive, we won’t even let that thought cross our minds for fear of manifesting it, but the location of it is making the doctors say she won’t be able to travel until October. We won’t let her push the date back because if it were up to us she’d have the surgery ASAP. My fiance is devastated, she’s heartbroken, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change the date of the wedding. It was MY suggestion to change it but he’s right in that there’s no time or money to. We bought plane tickets a few weeks ago to visit New York for his brothers birthday so we’ll have some time to spend with her.
So this is where you all come in! We spoke to my mom about what to do, and her suggestion was to legally marry in New York with his mother there and then go somewhere to celebrate, and just not share it with anyone but have the full ceremony and reception in September as planned. We were planning on getting legally married in a courthouse before the ceremony anyway just for the work benefits. There is a chance she’ll be ok and able to travel but if not, we’d like to honor her somehow. Your prayers and good wishes are really appreciated, my fiance and I really do believe in miracles.
What suggestions do you all have? Curious is anyone else has had this issue too, it’s surprisingly rare to read about.
Post # 2
noireames : How scary! Well wishes heading your way and your FMIL’s. About the wedding: any time you feel the need to lie, it’s either because you know you’re doing something wrong, or you’re doing something right but you’re afraid others will think it’s wrong. If it’s the first case, then don’t do that thing. If it’s the second, you should do the thing and not worry about what others think. Why would you need to be dishonest with your loved ones? Why not just get married in NY, not hide the fact, and have your second celebration later?
Post # 3
Daisy_Mae : Thank you so much for the good wishes! And it wouldn’t at all be a lie, if someone asked if we were married we’d say yes, we just simply wouldn’t announce it on facebook or social media to everyone so as not to take away the specialness of the celebration that our friends and family are travelling from out of town to be a part of. Honestly we call each other husband and wife already and everyone asks almost every day “are you two married yet?” we’re just missing the rings and certificate lol!
Post # 4
I am in a similar situation except with my dad. He recently got too sick to fly to my wedding (he would have to travel from CA to GA). But we are still having the wedding as planned. But we are having a small second celebration in CA 2 weeks after our actual wedding. I am gonna wear my wedding dress again lol and we are gonna have a “recommitment ceremony” of sorts.
It is really hard when family members get ill and can’t attend. And weddings are pretty inflexible events once the deposits have been put down. I have no regrets though because I know that it is best for my Fiance and I to get married in GA and we will just try to make the most of it.
Post # 5
I had friends who did this, theirs was due to a pushed up deployment. They got married with just their parents and still keep their original wedding date as their ceremony and reception. No one was the wiser, and they never lied, but also never announced. No one got angry at them, there was an any who grumbled a little, but they put her in her place. Honestly, if you make it a point not to tell people unless they ask, no one will know, and if they do ask, they will understand.
Hoping for the best and a speedy recovery!
Post # 6
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds like a good idea to me to do the legal wedding in NY so his mum can be part of it, especially as it sounds like your mum is okay with missing it.
Post # 7
People WONT not come or not be excited because you’re already married! I went to 2 weddings last year for the same couple (first wedding was strict, religious and no alcohol) and while the family of the bride didn’t know about the 2nd, more “fun” wedding, I think everyone at the second wedding knew they were already married and we all had lots of fun. I even got teary eyed at the 2nd. This will be everyone else’s first time hearing vows so they’re not going to be less happy or excited.
Post # 8
ALSO: condolences to your Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law, I hope everything turns out ok!
Post # 9
I’m all for a wedding your Mother-In-Law can attend, but don’t lie to people and pretend to get married again. Just “renew” your vows and have a reception! Everybody will understand THAT; they won’t be as kind when/if they’ve been lied to.