(Closed) FMIL not interested in joining us?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think she likely has issues with her son getting married again, not with attending the wedding. Moms get crazy irrational around weddings. She probably just isn’t dealing with the transition very well!

Post # 5
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When people get older, they often become a bit stubborn. Part of the aging process is getting used to not being able to do the things you used to do. A 50-year-old woman more or less runs her life and takes care of herself. She runs errands when she needs to, has some sort of an income (even if a Stay-At-Home Mom, her family has income coming from somewhere), makes her own decisions, and takes care of herself. At 71, those days are coming to an eventual end; she won’t be able to drive in a few more years, and will need help getting around, and that knowledge does really weird things to people. They sometimes become stubborn because it gives them a sense of control: I cannot control the fact that I am aging and I am going to be very dependant on other people relatively soon, but I can at least control this decision. They make their minds up and stick to their guns.

This may be what is happening with Future Mother-In-Law on some subconcious level.  All you really can do is tell her how sorry you are that she can’t join you, and let her know that if she changes her mind, you’ll be happy to buy her a ticket and make all the arrangements. If it really IS a control issue (or rather, an overcompensation for feeling as if she’s losing control in her life) then she might be more likely to drop the excuses once she sees that the back-and-forth is done.

PS in this sense, “control issue” does not mean “a shouting person who tries to make me do things I don’t want to do” because it does not sound at all like that is what is going on. It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is a little reluctant to be aging (aren’t we all?) and just having a hard time dealing with that process.

Post # 7
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have quite a bit of experience with 70+ and it sounds like she’s having some anxiety and social issues. Sometimes as we age, things we used to do become a bit overwhelming, like traveling. She is probably not confident in her ability to maneuver the airports and maybe wants to stay close to where she feels safe. New places may overwhelm her. It happens to most of us when we are older but 71 isn’t that old but I would guess this is the problem.

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