(Closed) FMIL not invited to bridal shower??

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: FMIL and Bridal Shower
    as MOG she has the right to be there : (37 votes)
    60 %
    not a chance! if she doesnt like you anyway she wont be missing out! : (10 votes)
    16 %
    dont invite her but skip the invites to his other family as well to avoid drama : (14 votes)
    23 %
    ill let you know what i think below! : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I totally understand your feelings, but wouldn’t it just cause more problems if you didn’t invite her?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If she really hates you… she probably won’t come. Especially without anyone that she is close to being in attendence. I’d invite her anyways…. then you’re the “good guy”. If she comes… ignore her. Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    387 posts
    Helper bee

    Invite her and make sure the hosts know the situation that way they can remove her if she becomes a problem.  However, I doubt she’ll come.  You can always have you FH tell her she needs to be nice or not go.

    Post # 7
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you should definately invite her.  Not inviting her will only add more fuel to her fire, and will be something she WONT forget… possibly punishing you for years to come. 

    Maybe invite her, but seat her a little further away from you, and around a couple of people she’s comfortable with?  You’ll be busy with all of the lovely guests who are there to shower you with presents and hoo and haw over your special day… so I’m sure you’ll be way to occupated enjoying yourself with the people supporting you to let her presence have any effect on your special day.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I just had my shower last Saturday. My Future Mother-In-Law was not invited. After a few choose words from her I decided to only invite the people I knew would come along with close friends and family.  I did not invite any of his family; they live out of state anyway. They were not missed and to be honest I don’t think his mother cared on bit for the fact she was not going to go anyway so why bother pretending I wanted her to go. LOL we are both stubborn Italian woman so it’s all good….we get it. 🙂 

    Post # 9
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t invite her. If she’s as toxic as she seems, she’ll just ruin your shower. I would never subject my friends and family to a disaster like her, especially if she’s bad mouthed them in the past. While she probably wouldn’t even go if you two have no relationship, there is a chance that she could show up just to start trouble. That’s not something that I would want to gamble on. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Don’t invite her. It’s your shower, not a wedding shower or couples shower. I’m nearly to that point with my own Future Mother-In-Law.  She’s been civil to me lately (only because she’s fighting all claws out with her husband), but if she pulls any stunts before the shower, you bet she won’t be invited.  You’re obligated to invite her to the wedding because her son is involved.  The shower is for YOU.

    Post # 11
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think you need to be the bigger person and invite her. I think it will cause more trouble if you don’t invite her and you don’t want that to happen. As another poster said, let your bridesmiads know the deal and seat her a bit farther away from you. Just be polite to her and she can’t complain about it. Chances are she will decline, but at least she can’t say that she wasn’t invited.

    Post # 12
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I thought the bridal shower was supposed to be sort of a big Hurrah celebration for the bride, surrounding her with love, good thoughts, and well wishes. Your Future Mother-In-Law has not exhibited any of these things toward you, therefore, she does not warrant an invitation. There’s no “she has a right to be there as MOG.” She’s nasty. Poison. You & the people who legitimately care for you have a right to not be subjected to her negativity on what is supposed to be a very positive day of love and light. I’m guessing that FFIL’s family does not really associate with Future Mother-In-Law, so how’s she to know about it anyway. And if she does find out & pitch a fit, the only people she’s going to complain to are the same people she’s b**ching to about you anyway. I hope they would realize & wonder why would she even want to go when all she does is complain about you. This is damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. Might as well enjoy yourself with the don’t. 😉 Maybe she’ll get the point that you don’t have a problem leaving her out if she’s going to continue acting this way… and someday there will be grandchildren, and birthday parties.

    Post # 13
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    No matter how mean or nasty she is to you, and not matter what she has said about you, KILL HER WITH KINDNESS. Don’t stoop to her level. It will just cause more problems in the end and give her even more of a reason to be mean and nasty to you.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @nishaes:  That situation sounds so unfortunate.  I’m sorry you have to deal with it!  I know it’s easy to think that we (as brides) should just invite whoever we want to….but when it comes to this situation (your shower) I really do think you should invite your Future Mother-In-Law, even if you hate the woman.  She does sound terrible, but it’s not going to help anything if you do not invite her.  Just think, you will have your own supportive family and friends there during your shower and there will only be one Future Mother-In-Law, so hopefully the good will far outweigh the bad.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @nishaes:  She does not need to attend. She will do nothing but cause problems. How would she find out about it anyway?

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