(Closed) FMIL not invited to wedding…causing major issues :(

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well she’s a 9 year old child, so you need cooperation from mom. So yeah, this isnt going to happen. Sometimes there’s collateral damage when you cut people out and this is an example. There’s nothing you can do, I’d let it go unless you guys want to fan the flames and rub it in more. 

Post # 3
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Just leave it alone.  IF they do not want to attend due to loyalty for their mother – respect that and just carry on.  You can still say the invitation to have one as a Bridesmaid or Best Man is open and that you want the other one to attend – but you understand their reluctance to attend and you understand.  But, keep it moving and take the higher road… have your wedding, enjoy the day then most of all, enjoy your marriage and work on those other relationships as necessary.  

 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m not sure how you expected a 9 year old to attend and partake in a wedding without her mother. Sorry for the situation though. 

Post # 7
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t see how you thought this was going to work out. What parent would let their kid participate in a wedding that they were specifically not invited to?

Post # 8
Member
6297 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

View original reply
carolinabelle:  +1  Decisions have consequences.  You made your decision, they are making theirs.  That needs to be respected from both sides.

Post # 9
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
BizzzzyBee:  I think you need to just accept that there is nothing you can do. If you keep asking, all you are doing is feeding her; she wants to get to you, and is using her daughter to do so. You will not change the outcome, so it is a waste of time and energy trying to do so. 

We had a similar situation and did end up inviting Mother-In-Law as in our case we felt it was the ‘lesser of two evils’, so I can sympathise; it’s very difficult for all involved, and it’s horrible when they drag other people into it to try to get to you. 

Post # 10
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
BizzzzyBee:  Why don’t you just invite his mother? Seems like less drama all round. Trust me, at your wedding you won’t even notice who’s there and who isn’t. We only had 70 guests and there were plenty of people that I barely got to talk to for more than 2 minutes.

Post # 11
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Good luck I hope it goes well! I just sent my invites out and am worried FIs mum won’t let his 8 year old half brother go just out of spite. 

I don’t have any real advice unfortunately.

Post # 12
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I disagree with people saying invite his mum. FIs mum kicked him out of home multiple times before the age of 14 (as well as his 2 sister’s) and disowned him and has always treated him like crap. No way is she coming. 

Post # 13
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
amanda3334455:  OP clearly stated that isn’t an option, and I can understand that. I would also say that inviting her is not necessarily going to be less drama, she may well deliberately cause drama at the wedding if she comes. It really depends on the iindividual situation. 

Post # 14
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

I know you’ve decided to just leave it be, so I worn diapence that advice again.

I just wanted to say I’m sorry she’s interfering with your big day.

To the pp suggesting she should just invite the mom, I might agree if it were some random guest, but it’s his mother. Her presence would not go unnoticed because broken parental relationships are extremely painful. I don’t really understand how you expect someone to ignore a person that has caused them a lot of pain at their own wedding. Plus in this case, it would also be giving in to bullying, which I would understandably not. 

Post # 15
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

So that’s a really tough situation to be in…I’ve always been of the view of letting the groom deal with many of his familial issues. That being said, I had my challenges with my mil leading up to mywedding. While I understand there may have been issues with your FH and his mother, I do think out of respect, an invitation should have been extended, and give her the choice to decline. I speak to my own situation with my father, who in the months leading up to my wedding I had no intention of inviting. But I conceded to pressure from my mother, and while he declined the invitation for his health reasons, I received a blessing from him, (the last person I would have expected such from) and healingf from our broken relationship. 

 

I don’t know the relationship your FH has with his mother, but even when my Mother-In-Law protested against my husband and I getting married, I insisted that she receive her due respect and be invited,a place setting at the reception, even invitations for a few friends she may have wanted to invite. She came to the ceremony, barely smiled and was noticeably absent during the reception. Till this day, no congratulations or even acknowledgement of me as his wife, but my conscience is clear.  As nasty as your Future Mother-In-Law may be, sometimes you have kill ppl with kindness, contrary to how our emotions may want to dictate we act.

As for the sister as a bridesmaid, let’s be real, there’s no that could have worked out. It would be an insult to his mother, blatantly embarassing even. For such a tough choice to not have the mother present, you should have been prepared to not have her daughter actively engaged in your wedding. A wedding is just a day, a small dot in the journey of marriage and life after it. Carefully consider what life you want to live with your family and even in-laws long after the wedding. If it’s peace, then we have to sometimes sacrifice for that end goal.

That’s my 2 cents…

The topic ‘FMIL not invited to wedding…causing major issues :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors