(Closed) FMIL not throwing bridal shower! :/

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

She sound spiteful and that was not kind of her what so ever.  What did your FH say about that?

Post # 4
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ashleyyyg: First of all, your Future Mother-In-Law shouldn’t have canceled an event over needing to pay for boat tickets. That wasn’t very graceful of her.

But let me clarify real quick — your Future Mother-In-Law was going to throw a bridal shower for you which you wouldn’t be attending in person? You’re kind of the main event, hon. Without you, that’s your Future Mother-In-Law shelling out for a party at which everyone has cake and punch and stares at the monitor. I understand 100% that traveling in for a couple hours while you’re busy and trying to save for the wedding isn’t a really feasible idea — but if you can’t afford to travel to come see folks, why should they buy another gift and get together to talk about your wedding?

I may be unaware of the nuances of the situation, so I apologize if I’ve offended. But maybe that’s where some of the tension’s coming from as far as who spends money on what.

FWIW, I live in the middle of the country, am having my wedding in the western half of my state (where my FI’s from), and my family’s in the eastern part of the state. We’re doing my shower at home between Christmas and New Year precisely for this reason — it’s too expensive to travel just for the heck of it! So I do sympathize with your quandary.

Post # 5
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, the whole Skype shower thing is just a gift grab to me. Some people are fine with it but I find it awkward and desperate. People attend a shower to celebrate with the guest of honor (you). If you’re not going to be there, some of his family may feel that there is no point in having a shower (I would). You could have gone out there but you choose not to. I don’t really think that you can be upset that they don’t want to throw you a shower that you don’t even want to attend.

Post # 6
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@village_skeptic:

“but if you can’t afford to travel to come see folks, why should they buy another gift and get together to talk about your wedding?”

^ Well said.

It sounds like you’ll enjoy your in-person shower with your side of the family, so why do you need two anyway?  I agree that people may be acting a little stingy by complaining about all the travel and that if you can’t afford/don’t want to afford to attend a wedding, then they certainly could RSVP no.  But as far as the shower thing goes, I’d just let it go.  It does come across as gift-grabby anyhow.

Post # 7
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

@UpstateCait:  This, really.  I’d feel quite uncomfortable being invited to a shower where the bride was attendance only by Skype.  It would feel very gift grabby and awkward.

Post # 8
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hmmm…I’m not trying to sound cynical here, but I didn’t have ANY bridal showers as I live on the opposite side of the country from the rest of my family.  Every other cousin in my family had one (and we have a very large family), but this was just the way it was since I was out-of-state.  I’d try to just be happy that you are getting one bridal shower.  They aren’t completely neccessary (although it is nice when they happen!). While I agree that complaining about boat tickets isn’t the nicest thing to do and she certainly shouldn’t have used that as an excuse to cancel your shower, I think that it is best just to let this one go…

Post # 10
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ashleyyyg: Ok.  That didn’t really change my advice, though.  Just enjoy the one you have with your mom. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know everyone has a budget and needs to allocate funds to the things that are most important, but it IS customary for the bride and the groom (or their parents) to cover all of the wedding costs.  That’s why some people get irked by cash bars..

We’re planning on covering the cost of parking for all of our guests, because we don’t want people to have to shell out money to attend our wedding.  We purposely didn’t pick a venue because parking was too expensive and we couldn’t cover it.

$22 per person is kind of a lot of money.  Especially when they’re already bringing you a gift and traveling out of town for your wedding.  Just oferring another view..

Post # 13
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I do agree with others that a shower via skype seems like a gift grab.  I can definitely see why she didn’t think it was worth the trouble if the guest of honor couldn’t make the trip.  Just enjoy the shower your mother is throwing you.

Post # 14
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Atleast you are getting one bridal shower, some brides dont have anyone offer to throw them one. ๐Ÿ™‚ I wouldn’t stress over it. The one you are still having is the one in person… and with your side of the family ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@CaliforniaLove: I agree. I wouldn’t be terribly put out if asked to spend an extra $22 but I know people who would. An extra $20 is a lot to some. Some of our guests gave us $25-$30 as our gift so I imagine that if we had asked them to pay an additional $22 just to attend, it wouldn’t have been well received.

Post # 16
Member
341 posts
Helper bee

I think you should count your blessings that you don’t have to sit in front of a computer for hours on end while they throw you a bridal shower and bitch about $22 boat tickets. My FMIL/FFIL have a cottage close to Mackinaw Bridge in MI so I know what the economic situation is like there and for most, $22 is unfortunately not in the budget. I know it sounds ridiculous, like who can’t afford a $22 boat ticket?, but its pretty true, things are not good in that area right now. What if they have a bridal shower for you the day before the wedding? I know it would be last minute, or maybe if you could plan a couple months in advance for next time you’ll be visiting and could fit it in then. I agree tho that for Future Mother-In-Law to cancel your shower is not cool.

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