(Closed) FMIL paying for “bits and pieces”…any advice?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

That is a tough situation. Maybe you and your Fiance can just let her know that it would be easier if she just contributed a lump sum, and then you could let her know what you purchased with it and when. Maybe you could have a potential list for her when you talk to her.

Post # 4
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think that letting her know the kinds of things you plan to have for the wedding and then let her speak up if she wants to pay for them or not.  Like telling her that you’ve met with the cake baker and the cake you want is X dollars, give her the chance to offer before you pay, but if she doesn’t speak up, then don’t flat out ask.

Post # 5
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She  has already said that she wants to make an equal contribution to your wedding.

 I would have your Fiance sit down with her, thank her for the offer and ask if it is posible for her to just give you the lump sum..

Post # 6
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it may be helpful to sit down with Fiance and decide how much you need for different items and then bring those numbers to Future Mother-In-Law and see what she wants to contribute. I had a similar situation and tried to pick thing that should could be more hands on (ie. cake tasting, meeting with the florists versus StDs or bridesmaids gifts).

Good luck!

Post # 7
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

i think they are just wanting to contribute and it’s probably best to show gratitude and appreciation of this kind gesture.  From my experience, people will be very hurt if they try to financially contribute and are shut down.  At the same time, this is your wedding and you shouldn’t have to have things like flowers, etc if you don’t want to. 

I’d be upfront about what you’d really like their contribution to go towards.  Perhaps say that it would be great if they could cover the costs of cars, invites or whatever costs you and your fiance were initially paying for yourselves. 

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