(Closed) FMIL pays, she picks?!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Is the quality of the cakes at this particular bakery bad?  I mean, do they look horrible?  If not, I’d say just do what she wants for the free cake!  It’ll save you some money and you can get your dream cake.  I don’t think she’s crossing any lines.  Some people are peculiar about where their money goes.  You have the choice to either decline or accept the offer.  Personally, I’d accept that way you don’t offend her, and you get a FREE cake. 

Post # 4
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would take the free cake!! If it’s a good bakery why not?!

Post # 5
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Go for a tasting and meet the staff. Give it at least a chance. Who knows? You may love it as much as your Future Mother-In-Law. It’s a great way for you two to bond, and the extra money can go to help with something else. =)

Post # 6
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I guess you need to decide which is more important to you, your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law or controlling which bakery makes your cake.  I know that for me if all she wanted to do was chose the bakery, I would be fine with that.  I would still want to chose what it looked like and what flavors were make, but in the end, I think that going to “her” bakery might just be a small price to pay for peace.

Post # 7
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

If she’s a wedding coordinator, I’m sure she knows who the best bakers are. As long as she doesn’t dictate what the cake actually looks like, who cares if she picks where it’s made?

Post # 8
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

She probably knows the best bakery. I’d let her have that.

Post # 9
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I thought this was going to be much worse, I’ll be honest. I don’t think choosing the bakery itself is hugely controlling. I think if she were saying she was going to entirely pick the cake i.e. decor, flavors, style, etc then yeah it would be controlling. But really it’s like having a friendor – you get what they are.

I mean the options are keep her happy and get a free cake, or you choose a bakery yourself and pay for it…and also probably hurt her feelings. Just doesn’t look like a good move to me, considering the bakery will probably do just as good a job as any.

Post # 10
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You said yourself the cakes are really good…so I don’t see the problem.  It’s a little unusual, but unless she’s planning to pick the details like flavor and design, just let her pay for your cake.  As a former wedding coordinator, she has probably dealt with them before, and knows the quality of their product AND their customer service is worth the price.  Perhaps they are also a bit more expensive than other bakeries; the place we got our cake from is great, but you pay for the quality.  Maybe, in her own way, she is trying to say, “You deserve a cake from the best, and I would like to pay for it.”  

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d be annoyed, but let this one go – you are going to have to pick and choose your battles with your family when wedding planning, and this is not one to fight over.

Post # 12
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She used to be a wedding planner, she knows it’s a good shop. She’s not dictating the design itself of the cake, is she? I’d let her have it.

Some people are much worse off. Their parents help them with the wedding, and everything is decided for them. Date, venue, invites, decor, dresses, etc. Just be glad this is the only thing (bakery) that is out of your hands.

You CAN have your cake and eat it too, and you don’t have to pay for it 😉

Post # 13
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If she’s paying and the bakery is good – why not let her pick the place as long as you have final say in the design?

Post # 14
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

While I understand why you’re frustrated (it really isn’t fair to give a gift with strings attached) be thankful it isn’t worse.  My girlfriend was told by her mom that she’d pay for the entire wedding…awesome right? and then she said “only if it is a destination wedding in a place I choose”!!!

Post # 15
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I can see your point, but take the free cake!!

Post # 16
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d probably take the cake.  Perhaps she has a reason besides being controlling, like this particular baker can give her a smokin’ deal if she’s referred lots of business in the past. 

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