Post # 1
Hi Bees! I’ve been away as my pc has been on the fritz, and I’m glad to be back. Here’s the deal: My Future Mother-In-Law can be kinda controlling, narcissistic, and downright rude. I’ve seen how she interacts with family and others, although it’s not been directed toward me (yet-lol!), and we get along fairly well. She even refers to me as her daughter.
Anyway, Fiance & I are planning and paying for a fairly small wedding (50), and she’s been kind enough to offer to buy our wedding cake. Great, right?! Here’s the kicker-only if she chooses the bakery! WTH! She’s a former wedding coordinator, and she wants her favorite bakery. It’s a good bakery-the cakes are really good. But several members of my family have offered their time and $$ for the wedding & reception with no strings attached. I’m sure it’s just an attempt to be part of the wedding planning, but this crosses the line. Ugh-why put limits on a gift?! Are you/have you dealt with the same thing? We will definitely tell her we appreciate the offer, but we’ve made other plans. Thanks for reading my vent.
Post # 3
Is the quality of the cakes at this particular bakery bad? I mean, do they look horrible? If not, I’d say just do what she wants for the free cake! It’ll save you some money and you can get your dream cake. I don’t think she’s crossing any lines. Some people are peculiar about where their money goes. You have the choice to either decline or accept the offer. Personally, I’d accept that way you don’t offend her, and you get a FREE cake.
Post # 4
I would take the free cake!! If it’s a good bakery why not?!
Post # 5
Go for a tasting and meet the staff. Give it at least a chance. Who knows? You may love it as much as your Future Mother-In-Law. It’s a great way for you two to bond, and the extra money can go to help with something else. =)
Post # 6
I guess you need to decide which is more important to you, your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law or controlling which bakery makes your cake. I know that for me if all she wanted to do was chose the bakery, I would be fine with that. I would still want to chose what it looked like and what flavors were make, but in the end, I think that going to “her” bakery might just be a small price to pay for peace.
Post # 7
If she’s a wedding coordinator, I’m sure she knows who the best bakers are. As long as she doesn’t dictate what the cake actually looks like, who cares if she picks where it’s made?
Post # 8
She probably knows the best bakery. I’d let her have that.
Post # 9
I thought this was going to be much worse, I’ll be honest. I don’t think choosing the bakery itself is hugely controlling. I think if she were saying she was going to entirely pick the cake i.e. decor, flavors, style, etc then yeah it would be controlling. But really it’s like having a friendor – you get what they are.
I mean the options are keep her happy and get a free cake, or you choose a bakery yourself and pay for it…and also probably hurt her feelings. Just doesn’t look like a good move to me, considering the bakery will probably do just as good a job as any.
Post # 10
You said yourself the cakes are really good…so I don’t see the problem. It’s a little unusual, but unless she’s planning to pick the details like flavor and design, just let her pay for your cake. As a former wedding coordinator, she has probably dealt with them before, and knows the quality of their product AND their customer service is worth the price. Perhaps they are also a bit more expensive than other bakeries; the place we got our cake from is great, but you pay for the quality. Maybe, in her own way, she is trying to say, “You deserve a cake from the best, and I would like to pay for it.”
Post # 11
I’d be annoyed, but let this one go – you are going to have to pick and choose your battles with your family when wedding planning, and this is not one to fight over.
Post # 12
She used to be a wedding planner, she knows it’s a good shop. She’s not dictating the design itself of the cake, is she? I’d let her have it.
Some people are much worse off. Their parents help them with the wedding, and everything is decided for them. Date, venue, invites, decor, dresses, etc. Just be glad this is the only thing (bakery) that is out of your hands.
You CAN have your cake and eat it too, and you don’t have to pay for it 😉
Post # 13
If she’s paying and the bakery is good – why not let her pick the place as long as you have final say in the design?
Post # 14
While I understand why you’re frustrated (it really isn’t fair to give a gift with strings attached) be thankful it isn’t worse. My girlfriend was told by her mom that she’d pay for the entire wedding…awesome right? and then she said “only if it is a destination wedding in a place I choose”!!!
Post # 15
I can see your point, but take the free cake!!
Post # 16
I’d probably take the cake. Perhaps she has a reason besides being controlling, like this particular baker can give her a smokin’ deal if she’s referred lots of business in the past.