Post # 1
I’m eloping. I chose to elope intentionally because I do not want to have a wedding and a big deal made of it. I also chose to elope because my Future Mother-In-Law was getting too instrusive (ie- she invited and confirmed 32 people to a wedding venue that had the max capacity of 50 and said we could have the rest of the spots) and was actually starting to creep with out with her over-enthusiam (ie- forcibly wrapping my hands around a bouquet of flowers and asking me to practice walking so she could take pictures). When we decided to elope, I asked everyone to please respect our wishes to elope and that we weren’t interested in having a party or reception and do not want a big deal made of anything. We repeatedly said this.
I just found out that the Future Mother-In-Law has booked a reception room despite my wishes. The worst part, it was not because she told me, even though she has more than enough means to contact me. She wasn’t even planning to tell my parents -just a secret she was going to ‘surprise’ me with. She was planning on doing this whole thing behind my back because I’ve repeatedly shot her down and asked that we please not do anything. My fiance said he repeatedly told her we’re not interested in the party and she just ignores us.
So how do you deal with this issue? Her behavior is making me not want to be around her, and, at this point, she has disregarded my wishes so many times that I feel I may never be able to trust her and that I will resent her forever (and I just keep imagining what she might do with a baby?)
Post # 3
Eeew! I’m thinking “Monster-in-Law” with Jane Fonda!
Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with future Mother-In-Law. She needs some serious boundaries. Let her know that, if she’s not willing to respect your wishes, you guys will be forced to limit contact with her. It’s going to be a difficult conversation, and she’s probably going to throw a tantrum. But she has to respect your relationship and your wishes.
Post # 4
Hooooly cow. Crazy lady! I agree with MissMarriage, though, definitely. You can’t just keep telling her you don’t want things – you have to lay down the law!
Post # 5
If you really want to make a point about it, you just don’t show up. She’ll get the hint…right in her face and she will probably die of embarrassment.
OR…you can just be nice about it and keep on telling her you aren’t interested, until it really sinks in.
Post # 6
@ItWasntMe: I was thinking not showing up as well.
Post # 7
@ItWasntMe: exactly my thought also.
Post # 8
WOW!!! I can not believe this! She is crazy, she wasnt even going to tell you or your parents? WOW!!!!
Post # 9
I would have Fiance tell her that you and he will not be attending any wedding related events. Don’t let her guilt you into doing anything you don’t want.
Post # 10
I would not attend her crazy party! She is NUTS! You really need to have your Fiance be firm with her, and I’d consider cutting her off before any babies come along.
Post # 12
@msfahrenheit: I agree. I think Fiance is the one who needs to address this with her, since clearly she isn’t listening to you.
Post # 13
Oh goodness, this isn’t a good thing! What does your Fiance think about this? Anyway the two of you could sit down with the Future Mother-In-Law and tell her no?
Post # 14
if she keeps pushing it i would just not go and tell your parents and friends to not go too. it will just make HER look bad
Post # 15
We’ve told her no on 3 separate occassions we weren’t interested. She just responds with ‘this is such a joyous time in your life. You Must Celebrate!’ (She even said we needed to have a reception to ask for presents…) She thinks/made up in her head, that the reason we’re eloping is because I’m having drama with my parents -they’re actually paying for not only our elopement in a foreign country, but all of our honeymoon. They volunteered to with no strings attached. She even offered to come with us to our elopement and act as a witness ‘if it would make us feel better’.
He said he’s repeatedly told her we weren’t interested when she’s contacted him, but he’s not the type of person to be harsh so I’m thinking that maybe he didn’t say it as direct as I do so she thinks she can still talk him into it. Plus, he usually does what she asks ‘out of respect for the family’ and I’m worried that if she guilts him long enough he’s going to give in. We’ve already got into an argument twice this month over me not wanting to go over to her house, so I’m thinking not showing up to a reception with him might not be an option if I want to stay married.
Post # 16
@aprose: my parents and friends weren’t going to be invited. Plus my parents wouldn’t attend anyway. They would have to travel to go to it and don’t want to attend something I don’t approve of. It’s even more unfair for them to pay $800 to travel to this thing after they graciously just paid for our ceremony and entire honeymoon in a foreign country.
Plus the reception is on a Sunday afternoon 2 months after our wedding (apparently it’s the first available weekend she has……