- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
To save you all some time from looking through my old posts, my Fiance and I are getting married this summer at the courthouse with a small lunch to follow for the few people that attend the small ceremony. Later in the evening, instead of having a reception, we were going to throw a small party in my parent’s backyard with drinks and snacks provided. A very low key, intimate party to celebrate our union. We don’t want a “reception”, we aren’t expecting any gifts, and we just want to be around the people we are closest with to have a fun, relaxed evening.
Last night my Fiance and I were out to dinner when he told me that his mother and her sisters didn’t want to attend the party my mother was throwing the night after we get married. Her reasoning behind it is that they’re uncomfortable around alcohol and don’t want to attend a reception if there isn’t dancing or a dinner provided. So instead of coming to my mom’s house the night we get married, my Future Mother-In-Law is going to host a BBQ at her house for her side of the family a couple weeks after we get married.
I’m beyond hurt, shocked, and confused. The entire point of having the party at my mother’s house is to join our family and friends together to celebrate our marriage, and his mother wants to segregate his family from mine by throwing her own party? I just can’t believe any of it, and it just breaks my heart. In the 6.5 years we’ve been dating there has never, ever been any mention of disliking being around alcohol (ie. She was going to host a bridal shower for me, but canceled, and said that she was definitely going to have alcohol there, despite telling her that I didn’t think it was a necessary expense).
He told his mother how ridiculous her wanting to throw a different party was when she told him a couple days ago, but I don’t think it occurred to him how hurtful that was going to be to me. I’m glad we were in a public place when he told me though, I could feel myself getting extremely upset and it helped me keep myself calm enough to rationally think about it all.
I called my mother this morning hoping she would perhaps explain a different perspective that maybe I hadn’t considered, only to have upset her as well. Which is why I’m turning to you ladies.
We are going back to our hometown this weekend for a going away party for a friend and had made plans to see both of our families for a few hours each. I don’t want to attend the lunch we had planned with my Future In-Laws because I know I’ll say or do something out of hurt and anger that I’ll regret. My Fiance is at work right now, so I haven’t discussed with him that I am uncomfortable going to lunch with them, but I’m sure he’ll understand and explain to them how hurt I am.
Am I right to let my Fiance handle this so I don’t run my mouth and say things I’ll regret? What would you do if you were in my situation?