(Closed) FMIL problem with reception….need advice/ opinions pls

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Who’s paying for the reception? And this is post-wedding, back at home, correct? If Future Mother-In-Law is footing the bill, I’d say let her invite whoever she wants. If not, say if you and Fiance are paying, or if she’s contributing some, then you can easily divide the guest list.

In our situation, both sets of parents are contributing, and Fiance and I are as well, so we’re able to limit the number of invites each family gets. (25 per family, 35 each for me and FI)

Post # 5
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand your reservations with this at home reception, but why not treat it as a great reason to get to know your FI’s family?  Hopefully they will embrace you as their own, and you’ll come out of the event with a closer relationship with all of them.  I do think it was rude of her to laugh when you said people from your side will not attend, but maybe she was trying to diffuse an awkward conversation?

Post # 6
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@futuremrsfitz18:  Totally agree! Just try to make the best of it, and get to know your new family. I would try to not let your sadness over your family effect how you feel about your new family. It’s just a party, try to enjoy it! 

Post # 7
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@futuremrsfitz18:  Great advice!

These people will be your family-it’s a great opportunity to meet them. You don’t know them all now, but you will! I realize this may be a tough day, but it is a really nice gesture on her part.

Would you feel more comfortable if the reception was limited to a certain number of people, or certain relatives? Ex: FI’s cousins are invited, but not FMIL’s? Since she’s the hostess, it’s really her call. On the bright side, your wedding will be all that YOU want! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You probably should have not brought it uP. I bet your fmil feels that you are throwing her gifback in her face. Talk to her and sort it out.

Post # 10
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t know…I tend to feel that the parties my Future In-Laws want to throw for me are for them as much as they are for me, and I don’t have any problem with that. We’re a joining of two families, and, if they want the experience of throwing an engagement dinner or “reception”, I don’t really see the problem with letting go of the reins & letting my new family do something for me that they enjoy. You get to plan your wedding yourself, she’s not trying to change those plans, so I guess I don’t really see what the problem is…? I know people will disagree with me on this, but I think part of being a gracious new DIL is letting my Mother-In-Law throw these parties for me (and trust me, they are soooo excited and Out of Town throwing some of these events). 

Now, if she were trying to plan my ACTUAL reception (which, it sounds like this is a welcome home party & you were not planning to have a reception on your own), then that would be a different story. JMHO, though, I can see why people would feel otherwise.

ETA: Now that I re-read your post, maybe you actually were planning to have a reception, but just wanted a small, intimate reception and your Future Mother-In-Law is paying for it and now taking over the plans? Is that it? 

Post # 11
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I say let her do the reception, show up and make nice. You are going to have to deal with some of these people for a long time. Besides, you might LIKE some of them.

In my family, both my parents are deceased and I only have contact with ONE brother (out of 5 siblings) and a niece and two nephews. I love FH’s family! I love having parents again and FH’s cosuins and Aunts and Uncles LOVE me! It’s great having an insta-family!

The topic ‘FMIL problem with reception….need advice/ opinions pls’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors