(Closed) FMIL problems 2 weeks before wedding :(

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

OMG, talk about split personality.  If I were you, I would pick up everything she has and make other arrangments for the other things.  You obviously can’t rely on the fact that she will not be in a mood when the wedding day comes around.  You might check out a local DOC and see if they can’t take on the responsibilities of of decorating for you.

Post # 4
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

You know, I have found that when people are emotional disasters, they are like little tornados. They can’t really understand the distruction they are causing because they are so wrapped up in their insanity – and it’s best to get far enough away from the tornado so that it doesn’t suck you in.

I would agree with@tksjewelry: It may be more work to do everything yourself, but it will be one less worry and it wil be one less thing for her to manipulate you with. She knows you need her so she’s able to get away with this behavior.

And here’s a question – what would happen if you and you Fiance said “Ok, go ahead and go to Jamaica. We’ll seat Great Aunt Whatever in your place.” and sounded totally serious. If you call her bluff, I’m skeptical she’ll actually do it. I think this is all just to get a rise out of the two of you.

And it works, sadly.

Post # 5
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the suggestions of PP’s. You need to take the reigns and the control out of her hands. Right now, she can say whatever she wants because she knows you need her. Take away that power from her. Do as many tasks as you can or enlist other friends who you know will be there to help. And yes, if she threatens to not show up again, call her bluff. She will be so flustered she won’t know how to react. And please, stop apologizing to her. I’m all for saying sorry when you are wrong, but I think the person that needs to be doing some apologizing at this point is her, not you.

This should be an exciting time, not a miserable one. Cut the toxic people out! (easier said that done I know, but you need to try)

Post # 6
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@starry:  Wow – she does sound overbearing and controlling and none too mature. 

The first thing you should probably do is call your venue and all your other vendors and tell tell them in no uncertain terms that they are not to take ANY instructtions from your MIL – that you, your FI and your parents are the only people authorized to work with them.  You might also want to tell them to tell her that if she has any questions she needs to speak to you or your Fiance. 

For whatever its worth, her threats are most likely just that – empty threats to get her way.  Its up to you and your Fiance how much you want to let her get away with.  It may be best just to ignore her but if you really feel like she can’t be relied on or your just don’t want the drama then call her bluff.  The next time she threatens not to come to the wedding reply calmly that she will be missed.  If she says she wants to go to Jamaica say okay and that you will reassign her wedding related tasks to someone else and then do it.  Most importantly, realize her threats only have as much power as you and your Fiance choose to give them. 

While I believe in meeting people even more than half-way to keep peace, I don’t believe in allowing others to bully you.  Realize that your Mother-In-Law can’t “make” you do anything. 

Post # 7
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Being so close to your wedding date I dont know how feesable this would be,but I would make sure that you are not relying on your Mother-In-Law for ANYTHING,even after your wedding. That way she has absolutely no power to blackmail you or your Fiance,and if she realises that you do not want her to have any responsibility,she might start acting a bit more like an adult. I hope for you that she can get her act together  and stop upsetting you guys so much *big hugs*


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