(Closed) FMIL problems

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No, shes over reacting. 

Post # 4
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Dwelling on whether or not it is was a mistake won’t help–they are out already so you just have to figure out a way to move on and repair your relationship. I think it’s a nice gesture to include names of both sets of parents on invitations, but I also don’t think it’s required. So, maybe you apologize for not thinking about it, and acknowledge that you know she’s hurt. If your mom saw the invites before they went out and she didn’t, could she possibly be feeling left out of the planning? I don’t know how much is planned, but maybe (if you wanted to take the extra step) you could try to fix things gradually over time by consulting her about wedding ideas? Or let her know how you plan to respect the parents at the ceremony (ie having them walk their son down the aisle, or be part of the procession, or be introduced at the reception — whatever, just let her know you’ve thought about how she’ll be honored as the mother of the groom on the big day). If she’s being completely irrational than I don’t know what to tell you, but I would hope that she just needs to feel included in her son’s life-changing event.

Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would (and plan to) word our invitations the EXACT same way.  She’s overreacting.   Try your best not to let this ruin your mood.   Give it a little while, she’ll come around.   If she wanted her name on the invitation, she should have helped ya’ll pay for it.

 

JMO

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

She’s being a ridiculous drama queen. I’d let your Fiance handle her.

Post # 9
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What you did is completely acceptable. Look at any wedding etiqueet guide and it will say that if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding theirselves then they can do whatever the hell they want. In this instance, you put exactly what shoudl have been put on the invite. Even though my parents are paying for my wedding, our invites say the same thing yours does due to the crazy family dynamics of our families. Both of his parents are remarried, my mom is divorced and my dad has a girlfriend that I cannot stand. There were way too many names to put on an invite and honestly, it would just put the weird dynamics front and center. My advice would be to explain to the Future Mother-In-Law that it’s y’alls wedding and that y’all are paying for it so it wouldn’t make sense to say someone else is requesting their presence. She’ll get over it.

Post # 10
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She’s way out of line. It’s not up to her – that’s up to your parents, and they’re fine with it. Hope she calms down and leaves your decisions alone!

Post # 11
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

LOL she sounds sort of crazy. i thought that if the parents were contributing, then you put their names on the invite…since they’re really the ones throwing the wedding. I think you did it the right way since you’re paying.

Post # 12
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

She needs to suck it up and shut up. If she wanted her name on there she should have told you guys waaaay before this and put some money into the wedding!

Post # 14
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope.  She’s being ridiculous.

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Future Mother-In-Law is being unreasonable – your Fiance needs to shut down their BS immediately or its going to set the pattern for your marriage together.  goodluck!

Post # 16
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You didn’t do anything wrong. Its crazy how controling FMILs seem to be these days. Its your wedding/marriage not hers! Let your Fiance deal with her if all else fails just tell her that she is a big part of her son’s life and you really want her to be there for her son during such an important event but if she can’t be more mature about your choices for YOUR wedding than maybe she shouldn’t be there because it would just cause problems for everyone. Its a last resort but it sounds like if there could be some problems down the line. Don’t let her get to you! Good luck!

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