(Closed) FMIL Put Me Over the Edge Today *Long, Sorry*

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

She sounds really selfish and irresponsible.  Don’t let her bully you!!  Do what you think is best financially.  She is free to like it or not like it.

Post # 18
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’ve never given my parents an anniversary gift.  And we love giving presents.  I def. agree with giving them a gift card to use *toward* their Keurig in whatever amount you can afford/would normally spend.  Demands for gifts are ridiculous.

Post # 19
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

please do not buy them the coffee machine, give them a heartfelt card or a framed photo of you and their son but thats it! 

im guessing by you being financially independant she is thinking wooohoo, money grows on trees for that girl but you have to make a stand now or it will only get worse in the future – Mother-In-Law problems do not get better after you marry

Post # 20
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You will be guilty of condoning and enabling her behavior if you buy that coffee maker. Just don’t do it. Sometimes being an adult requires you to make decisions that may result in uncomfortable situations. Are you really going to live the rest of your life putting yourself in a financial pinch or making detrimental decisions for yourself or your marriage just to prevent her from making ‘passive aggressive’ comments to your FH? Seriously, think about it, that’s so petty.

Tell them you are so sorry, you cannot afford a gift at this time, but you would be happy to have them over for dinner to celebrate the occasion. If she doesn’t like it, tough, life goes on. There will be much bigger fish to fry in the future.

If you choose to get her the coffee maker, hold on ’cause you’re in for a bumpy ride.

Post # 21
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t buy one for their Anniversary, but I would register for one if I was you…

Post # 22
15045 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

AHHH!  I agree with PP!  Please dont buy that!  Just cause they wanted to dig themself in a financial hole, doesnt mean you should make a bad decision and give in to them.  There’s obviously no satisfying her… f* it!  MAYBE if she were NICE and really wanted it and didnt demand it, I’d consider working it into the budget… but for such a bitch??? No freaking way.

Post # 24
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

The last time I checked an anniversary was for the 2 people it belonged to.  Right?  I think my sister and I chipped in to get my parents a nice 25th anniversary dinner gift card but otherwise all we do is call and I call my dad to remind him it’s coming. 

I would NOT buy this gift for them.  It is just not a good time right now.  Also, it doesn’t sound like you’ll be winning your Future Mother-In-Law over anytime soon anyways.  You have to set the expectations now.

Post # 25
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow!  What rude behavior!  What does your Fiance think of this?

Post # 27
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@Sunshine1810: My Husband is a huge mama’s boy, and anything his mom said went! It’s super annoying, but we got married and moved 2,500 miles away so she has very little control now. I totally understand the whole “she didn’t mean it” “your taking it the wrong way” and other excuses. My husband finally saw what I was talking about shortly after we got married so give it time he should hopefully see what you see. Also Don’t go above and beyond for a non landmark anniversary. Given every anniversary is special, but to demand a gift… RUDE! I have never gotten my parents an aniversary gift, my sisters and I all get together and make them cards for every holiday we can’t afford something for. And I definatly agree that if she finds reasons to not like you now she will continue… like if you get the gift you’ll probably pick out the wrong one!lol. Just hang in there she’s probably envious of your roll in your fi’s life and that she isn’t the only woman in his life anymore.

Post # 28
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Sunshine1810: I agree with PP’s- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not buy the Kuerig!! If you do then you have no backbone and are only asking for trouble. So what if she talks behind your back to Fiance about you not getting it for her. They are just words. The point is, you’re not going to put up with her rude behavior. Like one PP said, I’d put it on your wedding registry. Secondly, you need to keep your financial business to yourselves. It’s none of their business how you manage your money, period. I can’t believe the nerve of some people. She has the nerve to be rude to you, tell you she can’t afford to buy you a wedding gift and then turns around and asks you to buy her a Kuerig for their anniversary? F*ck off lady. Your Fiance needs to wake the hell up (and I say this with love) and realize that his mother’s behavior towards you is unacceptable.

Post # 29
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Haha, I think you should get her some of the coffee pods for the Keurig and be like, “FI told me you were buying a new Keurig, so I got you some coffee for it! Happy anniversary!”

Post # 30
68 posts
Worker bee

If she just came out and said she wants that expensive coffee maker, then that’s just rude.  If your fiance asked her if there was anything in particular that they would like for their anniversary, then it’s not as bad, but still kind of clueless of her to ask for something expensive when you two have major expenses of your own right now.  I think she has a good size arrogant streak.  A card with some nice thoughts is perfect for an anniversary.  If you want to do a little more, then maybe a gift card for her to put toward her fancy coffee maker.  Does your Fiance have any siblings or other family that would be interested in going in together for the coffee maker?  I think it would be an appropriate gift from 4 or 5 people.

Post # 31
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@ddw: I need a “like” button! Phenomenal idea… hehehe all she deserves is a tease!

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