Post # 1
My mother in law has been completely opposed to helping in any way since we got engaged. She wouldn’t give us a guest list or addresses so we had to just wing it. She offered to help do or pay for certain things but didn’t follow through and now that it’s right before the wedding, she needs to be helping because she’s apparently so distraught that she hasn’t helped up until now. So I offered a couple of things she could do, one being to get a potted plant for the church (something the priest had recommended for decoration, he had a name for them that I forget). She came up a couple days later and gave me money in the most AWKWARD way ever – and delegated ME to go get the plant. I literally made up a job for her that I didn’t even really need done, and now I have an extra thing on my list. She also said if it costs more than what she gave me (which it will), to come ask for more money. I would not go to her and ask for money, that’s so uncomfortable! I doubt I’ll have time to order one now, and the only place I could get it from is about a half hour away, I will not have time to go pick it up and bring it to the church before the rehearsal because I have people coming in that day that I need to pick up. I already have way too much to do! I don’t know how to NOT do this extra thing without offending her, and honestly I don’t want to look ungrateful but I don’t think it’s right to tell someone you’ll do something for them then turn around and tell them here’s $30, you do it.
And NOW she’s telling us there were people she wanted invited that didn’t get invitations, FIVE people I never got information for are now wondering where their invites are. I’m ok with them being invited but I look so bad having not sent them and invite, and we have none left. Fiance is going to call them but I feel like I look horrible and these people I’ve never met are going to think I’m rude.
I am getting so paranoid for the wedding and how people are going to look at me because I feel like this ungrateful brat that doesn’t bother to invite her fiance’s family and friends and doesn’t appreciate her MIL’s help… but she waited until RIGHT before the wedding to start all this!!! I don’t know why she couldn’t give me these people’s names and addresses when we asked, now she’s talking to them 2 weeks after the invitations went out and wondering why the magic address fairies didn’t add them to my list.
How do I handle this? I look like I have horrible manners but I’m seriously trying my best.
Post # 3
With the plant, don’t stress about it. Just give her the money back later and say, “Thank you so much, with everything going on, I just didn’t have time to make it to the florist for the plant!” Not accusingly or anything, but if this plant is just a job you made up for her, it’s not a big deal that it doesn’t happen.
With the invitations, that is so frustrating. But on the bright side, most people don’t really care about the invitations, they’re just going to throw them away. Especially people you don’t even know. So I would just send them a handwritten invitation ASAP. (You are so sweet; I probably would have told her, “I’m sorry, we already sent the invitations two weeks ago–that was why we needed the addresses then.”)
It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is not a particularly organized person; it’s unfortunate that her irresponsible behavior makes you feel as though you’re a bad hostess. But this is not something that you did or didn’t do, it’s on your Mother-In-Law. (Though the gracious thing to do is just take the blame for her.)
Post # 4
Wow you just totally put my mind at ease. I think I’m really nervous to meet pretty much all of his extended family at the wedding so I’m afraid I’ll be judged. And I don’t want to tell her how I really feel about things because I don’t want to offend her.
I love the idea of a handwritten invite, everyone likes to get mail! I was feeling bad about just calling people.
I just think when it comes to wedding planning she doesn’t know which way is up.
Post # 5
Sadly I doubt this will be the only time Future Mother-In-Law puts you in an awkward position. Some people can’t get their act together. If that is generally her case I seriously doubt anyone in FI’s family will blame you. They will have encountered this with her before and know whos is to blame.
Post # 6
I would be honest about the plant. Just tell you appreciate her offering to pay for the plant but you just don’t have time before the wedding to get it. If she offers to get it then, great. If not, no plant.
Post # 7
You got some great advice Moja – I hope things settle down soon, so you can enjoy your upcoming wedding celebration! 🙂
Post # 8
If your Future Mother-In-Law is that disorganized then I am sure the missing guests will realize this and know that it wasn’t you being rude and not inviting them.
My Future Mother-In-Law addressed her guests’ STD envelopes and she misspelled SO MANY names/addresses etc. I was horrified at first, but realized that it was all in her handwriting and her friends/family would realize that it was her error and not mine.