(Closed) FMIL rant- Am I overreacting??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

She needs to back off and stand your ground.  She has no right to make you and your Fiance seem inept and clueless.  If she’s offering the money, then there shouldn’t be strings attached.  as long as it gos to a wedding expense, what does it matter what it goes towards?

Post # 5
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I would recommend that the e-mails stop entirely….I can’t be sure, but maybe we’re putting some negative connotation where there was none intended, on both sides.  Call your Mother in Law and ask if she has any questions about paying the deposit, it may be as simple as her wanting to pay by credit card and if they take the information over the phone, or if the name on the contract doesn’t match the payor/billing address information, if that causes a problem with notifications and changes…it could be innocent, find out before you act.

As far as parental interaction, you and your Fiance are the final line of defense when it comes to keeping your respective families from offending each other….offer to discuss her financial concerns with your Fiance over lunch and see where the beef is…I can’t imagine what her problem is, but not getting this sorted out early can lead to problems later on….

If it’s only been a month and your miserable, cool your heels on the planning, you’ve got time.

 

Post # 6
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Althought I agree she needs to back off(and you are not overreacting!) I also feel like it might come down to her money and her way or neither.  I don’t know you and your FH’s financial situation and althought she “should” not be making decisions for you you might need to prioritize if it’s worth the fight.  For me I would say no way and move on w/ a smaller, more affordable wedding.

Since it’s a year+ away can you hold off needing FMIL’s help for a bit and make a decision later on.

Post # 8
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally get it. Spend some time enjoying your engagement before all the drama. I had very similar issues and my advice is to set clear boundaries early and dont give in. No must mean no even though it will be very difficult to stick to. I also wish I had talked less to them about our plans. In the end, I just ended up informing them of what we were going to do rather than asking their opinon beforehand, that way they could not interfere and things went a lot smoother. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Jw1724:  You’ve got two choices here, either you talk to your mother in law, or you pay the deposit, which you say you have no problem doing.  Sounds like her “generosity” comes with a price tag…you decide if the money is worth the hassle…but you can’t avoid her forever…if it were me, I’d call her and see why she seems to think you can’t negotiate a simple venue contract.

Post # 13
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

@Jw1724:  don’t be scared, she’ll get over it.  and our Fiance supports you so don’t sweat it.

Post # 14
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Jw1724:  Don’t be scared of her, she can’t do anything to you….and if she does start to loose her temper on the phone, you say, “I’m only telling you this once, I won’t be spoken to in such a way, control yourself or this conversation is over.”  She’ll either restrain herself or blow a gasket…now that I think about it, why isn’t your Fiance wrangling his mother?

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