(Closed) FMIL rant… cause I can’t do it on my blog

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh no! I can only begin to imagine how frustrating. Your Future Mother-In-Law and her partner sound incredibly paranoid, though! For being older and more secure, they should just accept their sexuality in the world. By hiding, it makes you wonder how they feel about it. I understand but at the same time I don’t. She definitely shouldn’t be projecting the “because i’m gay” line out on her family like a bad guilt trip. I hate that. I don’t think first names are a big deal on the website; can you refer to her as a cute code name or something on your website? Is she ok being “left out” like that? If so, just do what she wants. Anybody who knows you knows you aren’t judgemental of your FMIL’s partner, you’re just respecting her wishes. I’d ask Future Mother-In-Law and her partner how they want to be represented at your wedding since she’s so afraid of being “out” in the open. I mean, everybody’s going to know their together at the wedding, right?

Post # 4
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would respect her wishes and remove her from the parents section. If anybody asks, you can always explain it to them in detail or just say that Future Mother-In-Law asked that she not be added. As far as the gay “guilt” she has, it’s not uncommon for people who came out later in life to feel that, from what I’ve experienced. They feel bad that they’ve disrupted some many lives by being true to themselves. I’m not saying everybody feels this way, but I’ve seen it happen to two of my friend’s parents. Just to continue to love and support her and her partner and it will get easier, but if it doesn’t, you only have to see them on holidays! 😉 By The Way, does her partner fill this way? Also, they’ve been together for 10 years and she isn’t out at work? One of my best friend’s partners isn’t out {he’s a Catholic high school principal in FL} and it’s hard on them and their relationship. Maybe Future Mother-In-Law is projecting her feelings onto y’all?

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Dealing with blended families is very hard.  My brother and I struggle with this everyday.  I guess you could always list the partner on the website as a Dear Family Friend or something like that so you can still recognize her but not call her out.  Maybe ask them how to word her name

Post # 6
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That is tough! I don’t want to speak out of turn on what it would be like to deal with coming out late in life – that’s probably one of those things that you have to experience to fully understand. Still, her using it as the default excuse would be really irritating, especially when you have really sound reasons for things like her not going to you FFILs event.

It sounds to me like there are unresolved issues there – with the divorce, with coming out, with being a lesbian in today’s society. I think maybe some counseling is in order but of course that is a decision that she has to make for herself.

As far as your relationship, I would just be as honest as possible. Can you just say, straight out, hey, that is absolutely not why I you’re not invited, and it really hurts me that you would think that of me? Sometimes letting someone know that can really help.

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