- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2015
If she is out of your lives make sure she is out! Block her every way you can. She knows you’re seeing it and that it’s got you heated, don’t give her the satisfaction. You can reason with people like that. She sounds exactly like my exMIL. That woman is crazy!! When I told her I was pregnant with my daughter she said I’m too young to be a grandma, ever heard of a condom. I said ummmm yes I have ever heard of a muzzle! lol
Ignore her completely and block her. Why continue to look at her facebook page? If you don’t want to have contact with her or have her in your life, why would you continue to check a page where she controls the information output? Obviously, she is going to paint herself in the best possible light so why give that any attention at all?
And don’t post passive-aggresive stuff on your facebook. Do not acknowledge what she says in any way, shape or form. Don’t insinuate, hint, or make any posts in response to hers. It will be so transparent that you are responding to her crap. Tis is why you should delete her. Because you are still letting her influence you and your life. Even wanting to post stuff about how happppppppy you are and how wonnnnnnnnderful life is and how you couldn’t be happpppppier will look like it is directed at her.
Stop reading her propaganda. Realize that you can’t reason with crazy and you certainly can’t refute it without looking like you’re rolling around in it right along with her. You win this battle by completely withdrawing from it and shutting it completely out of your awareness.
KitSnicket: Why have you not unfriended her???? It seems like if you guys aren’t speaking to her, you would unfriend her also. Since you haven’t unfriended her, I’m sure she’s posting things because she knows you will see it and is hoping she will get a reaction.
Just to clarify, I only saw the post because she tagged both of us individually by name. It showed up in my notifications.
I would totally have already deleted her and blocked her, but I’m waiting for Fiance to give me the green light. He wants to write her a final email (so she can’t interrupt him – he’s been trying to talk in person) so I’m giving him a chance to do that before acting myself.
I won’t say anything, but I wish I could! She knows she’s grinding my gears and that makes me mad too. I still sometimes can’t believe she’s as manipulative as she is – I feel bad for my Fiance 🙁
Why are you fb friends if you’ve cut ties?
You don’t need your FI’s permission to block her from your facebook. Surely he would support you in that? He can do what he wants with his own facebook after he emails her.
interchangeable: it’s more of a courtesy thing. I know I don’t need his “permission.” I just don’t want to unfriend/block her before he does and add fuel to the already raging fire, you know? We’ve been working really hard to remain a unified team, so I would rather block her together at the same time. She’s going to notice immediately (woman is glued to her Facebook app) so it’s going to cause WW3 when we do it.
If you’re still letting your Fiance take the lead (which I can totally understand since it IS his mom), simply unfollow her. And for the love of God do NOT engage her., it’s tempting, I know, oh so tempting, but she’s SO much better at these games than you are! She already has everyone eating out of her hand. You’re already the bad guys in the movie here. So no matter what you say she’ll make it look a thousand times worse. She is WAY out of your league in manipulation and devious tactics. And that’s a GOOD thing. It means you’re still sane and your feet are still on the ground, on this plane, on this Earth. Don’t be cannon fodder for her narcissistic games.
KitSnicket: would it be okay to ask for an update?
I’m going through the exact same thing and our wedding is this summer. Fiance is in the process of cutting out his mother from our lives and she’s gone on a smear campaign to get relatives not to come to the wedding.
Did you Fiance go no contact? Does she expect to still be invited to the wedding? Have you run into any more problems?
ohhmaigosh: No problem!
Yes, my Fiance (and I by extension) went no contact. He sent a long email to his mom explaining the situation, and she forwarded it to the extended family (and CCed us so we knew).
That was last summer sometime?
We occasionally get passive-aggressive texts from her and other family members. For example, she invited us for Christmas and then two days later sent a nasty email about how awful of people we are. She says she has cancelled her hotel room for our wedding, which is fine because we cancelled those plans anyway and are now taking a trip to Europe! Haha. Plus she was told she wasn’t welcome anyway. I think her cancellation was supposed to hurt us?
As much as I wanted to respond to her nasty email, we did not. We also don’t respond to anything else (texts, etc).
As a fun note of crazy, she texted me not long ago acting as though she wanted me on her side to sort out my FI’s “misunderstandings and emotions,” as though she didn’t try to ruin my life. She also called my FI’s best friend and talked his ear off for an hour about how awful we were and how much we’d hurt her. Unlike all of FI’s family, his best friend didn’t believe any of it and came straight to us to figure it all out. Then agreed she was manipulative and insane.
FI’s brother just got engaged to that girlfriend (posts about that as well). Her dad’s super rich, so I kind of wish I could see how this will play out – Future Mother-In-Law went insane when she wrongly thought my parents were paying, so imagine how it’ll be when the bride’s parents are actually paying and calling the shots.
It’s been pretty much normal life besides the occasional messages and texts. One of his cousins texted both of us at Christmas to say simultaneously “I miss you guys” and “you’re both a bag of dicks” (that’s a direct quote). So it seems simultaneous love-and-hate runs deep in the family genes.
KitSnicket: Thank you so much for the update, I wanted reassurance that people who have gone through these experiences still know it was the best choice to go no contact down the road. It sounds like she is constantly testing you both out and changing tactics to see if any of it works. I do think you are correct in thinking that she told you she cancelled her hotel to see what kind of reaction she’d get from you two.
Best thing to do is ignore it! That’s what we are doing. My partner has stopped all communication with his parents while they spin bad or untrue stories to the rest of the family. We sometimes have other family members contact us and say “why are you doing this to FMIL?” We ignore that too. We tried at one point to resolve things, but they refuse to see a therapist with us, they refuse to apologize going through our things at out house, for going on a smear campaign and for trying to feed me things I’m dealthly allergic to. Nothing is ever their fault in their minds, and the things we can prove that was deliberate is still spun around somehow to us being responsible. Future Mother-In-Law tries to feed me things I’m allergic to? Well I can’t be that allergic if I still eat at my parents house (they accomodate my allergies… ugh).
I related to the part where you said she texted you to get you on her side in convincing Fiance he made a bad decision. My in laws hate me but when they were getting desperate, they phoned me and told me how much they adore me and that they just want whats best for us (weeks earlier they were telling me how much they hated me and they wished Fiance never met me. They even threatened to contaminate our house with food I’m allergic to!). I was polite but did not agree with their made up stories. I’ve since blocked them.
My parents are helping us pay pay for the wedding, FI’s parents never once mentioned our wedding or asked if we needed help. They wish the wedding didn’t exist. I’m glad you changed your location, as I’m sure if you kept it the same, your Future Mother-In-Law is bound to show up anyway. People who are chaotic like that are unpredictable.
Have the most wonderful wedding this summer! Happiness is the best revenge as they say. I am happy I am not alone in these problems 🙂 Thank you for sharing!!
ohhmaigosh: Thanks for sharing your story! I can’t believe they were threatening you with food that could KILL you?!
Future Mother-In-Law texted my Fiance about a week after the nasty post-Christmas email saying “I can only assume you have access to your email???” She was pissed that he didn’t respond to her haha.
And yes, that was a big reason why we changed our plans – we knew she would show up anyway and we’d have to spend $$ on security and still risk a scene since the ceremony location was a public park!
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