(Closed) FMIL rant

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She’s probably just upset/jealous because she didn’t think to offer first.

Post # 4
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Plenty of newly weds live with their in-laws (us included).weddings are a big expense and you often are lacking the funds to buy a new home right after that, especially if it is one you want to be able to grow in. Explain to you Future Mother-In-Law that your decision is nothing personal, just a transition period to help you get back on your feet. Maybe have dinner or something with her alone once a week or so, so she doesn’t feel like you are leaving her apart.

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think her feelings are completely understandable – she’s worried that you will form a super-close relationship with the dad and not with her. Or maybe she’s even worried that he’ll turn you guys against her. She might not be expressing her feelings in the best way possible, but I think that those feelings are valid. 

I think instead of taking a confrontational stance – i.e. “FI told her that it isn’t her decision and his dad already approved” – maybe Fiance can reassure her that he loves her, values his relationship with her and will be sure to make time for her even while living with his dad. I don’t know if it is possible for you to spend some time living with her as well, but that’s another potential way to make her feel better.

Post # 6
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I don’t think that newlyweds living with anyone is a particularly good idea.  That being said, if he offered and y’all want to take him up on it in order to save money, it is not her business.  If you feel that the pros outweigh the cons, just explain that it is temporary and ask your Fiance to spend some time reassuring his mom that he loves her.  That is most likely what this is about for her.

Post # 8
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Plenty of people do that. Its a good idea financially to be able to replenish your funds after something such as a wedding.. In the end its not her choice and she will have to just get over it. Sorry she is acting like this.

Post # 10
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@gemini22: Sounds like moving in with Future Father-In-Law is a good idea; you’re being very pragmatic in setting a timeline and goals for the money you’ll be saving.  I don’t see anything wrong with living with either sets of parents if it works out better for you in the long run.

I can’t believe she wants the dog back! The only thing I can say about that is that maybe she’ll realize she is STILL not able to care for him, and will give him back like she did the first time!

Good luck, she sounds like quite a handful.

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