FMIL – requested marriage be blessed – non catholic ceremony

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4117 posts
Honey bee

Kat14:  It means a lot to your Future Mother-In-Law, but how does your Fiance feel about it? If he doesn’t care, I don’t see why you should either. I would talk to him about it. If it’s important to him, I’d consider it. If it isn’t, I’d ask him to (politely) break the news to his mother.

Post # 7
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

Kat14:  If your Fiance does not seem motivated for it to happen, I would just let it go and see what happens.  You shouldn’t be the one having to call up priests for when you’re not the Catholic one and you don’t even want this!  If your Fiance seems like he’s actually going to move on this to make it happen, then have the serious talk.

Post # 8
Member
2012 posts
Buzzing bee

You might just put this back on your mother in law.  Let her know you reached out to a priest who wasn’t able to do the blessing and tell her you may be willing if she has more information about it and someone to do the blessing.  Perhaps her own priest.

This doesn’t have to be done at the time of the wedding, my parents are looking into having their marriage blessed and they have been married about 40 years.  I don’t really know what it entails, my Dad is very Catholic, Mom general Christian, they were married in a church but not by a priest and all I know is that my Dad wants it official via the Catholic church.

Post # 9
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Kat14:  A couple (child of my parents’ friends & his spouse) had their marriage “blessed” after the wedding because it was important to his mom. They went to his mom’s church the following week and chatted with the priest (who knew they were coming, of course) and the priest said a prayer basically like “God, I’m asking you to bless this marriage, these two individuals and any children they may have. Amen.” It wasn’t an official blessing, so no paperwork required, and it made his mom happy. Perhaps you two could do something like that since it means so much to her? 

Idk about you, but I don’t see any harm in people praying to what/whomever they believe in even if I don’t believe in the same thing. I definitely am with you on not wanting to lie or have to agree to raise children in the Catholic Church. 

Post # 10
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee

I was in your exact same position when I was getting married.  My Mother-In-Law is very Catholic, but my husband (her son) and I are not.  We chose to have a non-religious wedding and while she would have preferred that we had a very traditional Catholic wedding, we did ask our officiant to give a blessing at the ceremony for her. This made her very happy.  It meant a lot to her and in the grand scheme of things, it was a small thing that we could do to make her happy and we’re glad we did.  

Post # 11
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

lovesbooks99: Would you mind expanding on what exactly “asked our officiant to give a blessing at the ceremony for her” what was that and what, if any, steps you had to take to make it happen?  The OP said she had looked into getting a catholic blessing and it was a lot of work.

Post # 12
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee

jennie.elliott2:  It’s been a while and I honestly can’t remember all of it, but our officiant offered to do it for us.  He did a reading from the Bible at our ceremony and blessed us as a Catholic couple would be blessed in a traditional wedding and everyone bowed their heads for a moment.  I’m not sure if that is what OP is looking for, but that’s all my Mother-In-Law needed.  I am sure there might be other ways of doing it, but ours was very short and simple.

Post # 13
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

lovesbooks99:  Thanks.  I appreciate the info 🙂 I think this is a common issue for many bees.

Post # 16
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Kat14:  If she is okay with just a blessing and not a convalidation (which is having the Catholic Church recognize your marriage as valid), then you may be able to find a priest who will do this. I’d see if your FMIL’s priest would have a small blessing for your, with your Future Mother-In-Law present.

The best thing that you may be able to do is work on your wording so that the priest doesn’t have to do anything that is against his belief system. Perhaps ask that he bless your love and future together and that you may grow in a blessed partnership. 

Post # 17
Member
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Kat14:  So the thing with Catholics is that if you are Catholic, in order for your marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church, you MUST have a Catholic wedding or a Convalidation (a sort of ceremony/blessing performed after the wedding).  So that is probably where your Future Mother-In-Law is coming from.

Having said that, I wouldn’t worry about offending anyone by having the blessing or Canvalidation – as it is for your Fiance and not for you.  Catholics marry non-Catholics all of the time, though depending on the nature of the non-Catholic (Christian and baptized, Christian and not baptized, non-Christian) the blessing/ceremony will be different.

Really though, it should be up to your Fiance since he is the Catholic party.  If he wants to do it, then I think you should.  But if not, then he should let his mother know that you don’t feel it’s right to have the blessing/Convalidation at this time but will consider it in the future.

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