(Closed) FMIL says I’m selfish & controlling for wanting to elope!

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel your pain! My Future Mother-In-Law is exactly the same. Not contributing to anything but everything has to be her way. 75% of the guest list came from her family that I have never met and Fiance hasn’t seen since he was 2. We wanted to elope but when Fiance told her she went balistic. We had at least 20 people ready to go with us to Vegas but she put the kibosh on that real quick and said her family needed to be there and I was selfish for thinking otherwise. Needless to say, she is getting the big fancy wedding she wanted and we are both miserable trying to find out how to come up with the money. I hope your situation ends much better than mine.

Post # 4
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow you have really deeply hurt your Mum, you too need to apologise!!!!! Its so sad cause family is SO important!!!! Its very controlling and selfish of you to tell close family and friends that they can’t wittness you getting married. People that are saying they are supporting you are just being polite, but deep down will be hurt and wondering whats going on here????

I think you need to embrace other peoples choices and options. Yes have the courthouse wedding but let family attend, it wont cost you anything, maybe a little bit for some chairs I dont know. If money is an issue verbally tell people instead of doing invites. Why would you want not want to have family share such a wonderful event in both your lives???

 

Post # 5
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@bridetobe7844:  it sounds like Future Mother-In-Law was being a PITA and drove the OP & her Fiance to it.  

 

There is one issue, though, where I see why she’d be upset.  It sounds like the elopement is just for the two of you.  I could see her being hurt for not being invited to that.  Can you have direct family present for the elopement as a compromise?  I can understand why it would be upsetting for her to miss seeing her son get married.

Post # 6
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@bridetobe7844:  what!? sharing DNA does not give you the right to control another adult’s life and treat them badly. The Mother-In-Law caused this with her own behavior. And not everyone thinks the wedding is all about the families – some couples want it to be just about them, and the OP shouldn’t be made to feel badly about that. The OP does not need to apologize for anything. You aren’t the Mother-In-Law undercover, by chance?

Stand your ground OP and do what’s best for you and your Fiance, you don’t want to be jumping to her tune the rest of your life. 

Post # 7
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ok, i honestly just made an account after reading for weeks just so i could reply to this.   I can understand why your Future Mother-In-Law may be upset, but I think you ultimately need to do what makes both of you happy.

 

@bridetobe7844, I think your comment is totally out of line.  Why so judgemental?

Post # 8
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@bridetobe7844:  You’re being sarcastic right?

 

Tell your Future Mother-In-Law is is selfish of her to force her idea of a wedding on you and infringe on your happiness on a day that is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.  Then remind her that she already had her wedding, and if she wants another one so badly to renew her vows because, like her, you want yours and it’s only yours if you do what makes you happy.

I totally know how you feel.  I decided to elope, with no family, because of the Future Mother-In-Law and everyone kept telling me that I should compromise and have my family there because it was upsetting them.  I kept thinking, did you not understand that I’m eloping because I specifically DON’T want family there?  Why would I forego a wedding with people I actually want at it just to compromise and let the only person I don’t want there to be there?  I would have been in my own personal hell and I would have resented my wedding day for the rest of my life because it was a lose/lose for me.  If I was going to have family there, I would have at least done a real wedding so my friends could come and I could get at least something I wanted.  But in the long run, I decided just to make myself happy and just have no one because I would haven’t been completely happy with the other options.

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@bridetobe7844: Wow, you’re quite the piece of work. The OP and her Fiance deserve to have whatever style of wedding they want, because surprise surprise, they’re the ones getting married. Not everyone wants a ton of people there for what is a very personal and emotional step in their relationship. Why should they stress out and try to accommodate everyone else for a celebration they don’t want?

Post # 10
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bridetobe7844:  so its perfectly ok for a couple to experience high levels of emotional (and financial stress) for the sake of keeping one family member happy, but its not ok for that one family member to support their childrens decision in eloping if they knew it was what the couple wanted?

At the end of the day a marriage is a legal contract between two people. Yes it would be nice for the family to be there to witness it, but if its not what the couple wants, the family should be happy that the couple is happy. I know if I elpoed without my parents they would be very disspointed, but I also know they would support us if they knew it was what we wanted.

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@bridetobe7844:  You have got to be kidding me…this is her and her groom’s personal decision. Their wedding is about them as a couple, not their parents. Your comments are completely wrong and out of line, and I have reported them because you are clearly breaking the tules of the board, maybe you want to read them again. Here are some pieces you apparantely missed: Please refrain from name calling. Please do not post for the sole purpose of criticizing, mocking, or otherwise disparaging others’ wedding, waiting, or nesting choices.

Post # 11
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I hope it all gets resolved!

Post # 13
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with a courthouse wedding, regardless of what made your decision.  It’s about YOU and your Fiance and that’s it.  Family is important, I’ll agree with that, but it is no one else’s right to tell you / suggest / complain about how to plan out the most important day in your life.  

I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law is hurt that she won’t be there, and it will take some time to process.  Maybe explain to her that it just cuts out ALL the drama with the wedding, and at the end of it you two are going to be married and THAT’S the important part?  

Post # 14
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would want to do my own thing as well…no way I’d be able to tolerate that nonsense. 

Post # 15
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@JuniperSage:  Ayiyi you poor thing. I’m not sure your fiance is going to get his apology, but I’m glad she’s being civil to you again. For what it’s worth, I think you are 100% justified in your decision, and her remarks were WAY out of line. You most certainly do have the right to, um, CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE.

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