Post # 1
One of the main reasons why we are eloping in the first place …. his mom is crazy pants!
Seriously, the woman was controlling every aspect of the wedding planning ( and not contributing a dime). We both got sick of having to stand our ground and after discussing budgets … decided to keep saving to put towards a house and have a private, just the two of us, courthouse wedding next month and then head off for a week long honeymoon.
EVERYONE else supports us. Yes, they have said they would like to have been able to be there to see us get married… naturally … but that they totally understand & support us.
FMIL? Not so much. Fiance went to her house one afternoon to discuss in more detail our plans and to tell her we were still going to have a reception later (something we didn’t originally want, but are doing for the family) with cake cutting, mother son dances, etc. But she wouldn’t have it. Instead, she snapped on him. She blamed me for all the decisions and called me selfish and controlling!
He left the conversatoin with telling her that he wants her to say she supported us in our decision but she responded with, “I’m coming from such a place of hurt, that I just can’t say that right now.”
🙁 Sad Panda.
I haven’t heard from her in 20 days! She lives less than a mile from us and we usually text all the time, meet for dinner or drinks often. We have always had such a great relationship. She’s not even very traditional at all! She’s the most untraditional women I’ve met!
Anyway… t-minus 24 days ………. let’s hope we can resolve this. AS crazy as she can be, I miss having her in our lives on a regular basis.
Post # 3
I feel your pain! My Future Mother-In-Law is exactly the same. Not contributing to anything but everything has to be her way. 75% of the guest list came from her family that I have never met and Fiance hasn’t seen since he was 2. We wanted to elope but when Fiance told her she went balistic. We had at least 20 people ready to go with us to Vegas but she put the kibosh on that real quick and said her family needed to be there and I was selfish for thinking otherwise. Needless to say, she is getting the big fancy wedding she wanted and we are both miserable trying to find out how to come up with the money. I hope your situation ends much better than mine.
Post # 4
Wow you have really deeply hurt your Mum, you too need to apologise!!!!! Its so sad cause family is SO important!!!! Its very controlling and selfish of you to tell close family and friends that they can’t wittness you getting married. People that are saying they are supporting you are just being polite, but deep down will be hurt and wondering whats going on here????
I think you need to embrace other peoples choices and options. Yes have the courthouse wedding but let family attend, it wont cost you anything, maybe a little bit for some chairs I dont know. If money is an issue verbally tell people instead of doing invites. Why would you want not want to have family share such a wonderful event in both your lives???
Post # 5
@bridetobe7844: it sounds like Future Mother-In-Law was being a PITA and drove the OP & her Fiance to it.
There is one issue, though, where I see why she’d be upset. It sounds like the elopement is just for the two of you. I could see her being hurt for not being invited to that. Can you have direct family present for the elopement as a compromise? I can understand why it would be upsetting for her to miss seeing her son get married.
Post # 6
@bridetobe7844: what!? sharing DNA does not give you the right to control another adult’s life and treat them badly. The Mother-In-Law caused this with her own behavior. And not everyone thinks the wedding is all about the families – some couples want it to be just about them, and the OP shouldn’t be made to feel badly about that. The OP does not need to apologize for anything. You aren’t the Mother-In-Law undercover, by chance?
Stand your ground OP and do what’s best for you and your Fiance, you don’t want to be jumping to her tune the rest of your life.
Post # 7
Ok, i honestly just made an account after reading for weeks just so i could reply to this. I can understand why your Future Mother-In-Law may be upset, but I think you ultimately need to do what makes both of you happy.
@bridetobe7844, I think your comment is totally out of line. Why so judgemental?
Post # 8
@bridetobe7844: You’re being sarcastic right?
Tell your Future Mother-In-Law is is selfish of her to force her idea of a wedding on you and infringe on your happiness on a day that is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. Then remind her that she already had her wedding, and if she wants another one so badly to renew her vows because, like her, you want yours and it’s only yours if you do what makes you happy.
I totally know how you feel. I decided to elope, with no family, because of the Future Mother-In-Law and everyone kept telling me that I should compromise and have my family there because it was upsetting them. I kept thinking, did you not understand that I’m eloping because I specifically DON’T want family there? Why would I forego a wedding with people I actually want at it just to compromise and let the only person I don’t want there to be there? I would have been in my own personal hell and I would have resented my wedding day for the rest of my life because it was a lose/lose for me. If I was going to have family there, I would have at least done a real wedding so my friends could come and I could get at least something I wanted. But in the long run, I decided just to make myself happy and just have no one because I would haven’t been completely happy with the other options.
Post # 9
@bridetobe7844: Wow, you’re quite the piece of work. The OP and her Fiance deserve to have whatever style of wedding they want, because surprise surprise, they’re the ones getting married. Not everyone wants a ton of people there for what is a very personal and emotional step in their relationship. Why should they stress out and try to accommodate everyone else for a celebration they don’t want?
Post # 10
@bridetobe7844: so its perfectly ok for a couple to experience high levels of emotional (and financial stress) for the sake of keeping one family member happy, but its not ok for that one family member to support their childrens decision in eloping if they knew it was what the couple wanted?
At the end of the day a marriage is a legal contract between two people. Yes it would be nice for the family to be there to witness it, but if its not what the couple wants, the family should be happy that the couple is happy. I know if I elpoed without my parents they would be very disspointed, but I also know they would support us if they knew it was what we wanted.
Post # 10
@bridetobe7844: You have got to be kidding me…this is her and her groom’s personal decision. Their wedding is about them as a couple, not their parents. Your comments are completely wrong and out of line, and I have reported them because you are clearly breaking the tules of the board, maybe you want to read them again. Here are some pieces you apparantely missed: Please refrain from name calling. Please do not post for the sole purpose of criticizing, mocking, or otherwise disparaging others’ wedding, waiting, or nesting choices.
Post # 11
I hope it all gets resolved!
Post # 12
Aw! Thanks ladies!!!
Not that I need to defend my decision on here … but we decided to have it just the tow of us because we thought that since we cant have a wedding with EVERYONE we decided to have a romantic day with just the two of us! My family lives half way across the country and ALL of his family lives here and is pretty close. If we invited just his mom, little sister and dad …we would have had to also invite both sets of grandparents, a significant other and an uncle. AND … his parents are divorced. It wasn’t the prettiest divorce and the families haven’t all been in the same room in quite some time. The last thing we want is to put them all together in a small room at the courthouse.
Anyway… my birthday is tomorrow and his mom dropped by tonight to drop off some presents. Still no apology or mention of the wedding… but at least everyone is civil now. Maybe that is her way of showing she is ok with things? By continuing on like nothing ever happened? I’m definitely of the burry the hatchet mindset… but Fiance is out for an apology.
I’m very thankful we have the rest of the family’s support in all of this. That is the one thing that keeps me thinking we aren’t completely out of our minds for wanting a simple and private courthouse wedding.
Post # 13
I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with a courthouse wedding, regardless of what made your decision. It’s about YOU and your Fiance and that’s it. Family is important, I’ll agree with that, but it is no one else’s right to tell you / suggest / complain about how to plan out the most important day in your life.
I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law is hurt that she won’t be there, and it will take some time to process. Maybe explain to her that it just cuts out ALL the drama with the wedding, and at the end of it you two are going to be married and THAT’S the important part?
Post # 14
I would want to do my own thing as well…no way I’d be able to tolerate that nonsense.
Post # 15
@JuniperSage: Ayiyi you poor thing. I’m not sure your fiance is going to get his apology, but I’m glad she’s being civil to you again. For what it’s worth, I think you are 100% justified in your decision, and her remarks were WAY out of line. You most certainly do have the right to, um, CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE.