Post # 1
My Future Mother-In-Law is a very kind, sweet woman who has done a lot for Fiance and I. Last Saturday she came over to help me and my mom make the escort cards. That’s when she shared some secrets…
Back story- She divorced FI’s father when he was very young. She remarried and that man raised Fiance until they divorced when Fiance was 19. He loves that man and considers him his dad. He has expressed to me before that he has always wondered why they divorced and the circumstances surrounding everything.
Fastforward to now- Future Mother-In-Law is engaged to a man who has also been a huge help to us and is a good guy.
So on Saturday, she spilled about how she still loves the man that raised Josh and if he never remarried (which she says broke her heart) she wouldn’t be marrying this man now. She would still try to be with the other man.
Then she asked me never to tell Josh that she said this.
So I’m stuck. I know Fiance would like to know this information, and the little details I left out on here, especially since he has told me so before. But she asked me not to tell. I feel like I’m keeping something from him and I don’t want to go into this marriage with a secret. We have less than 3 days til we marry.
Do I tell him or not?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t. But thats me. Would your Fiance feel betrayed you kept a promise to his mother? I have people tell me deep dark secrets all the time ( it just happens) and i keep my mouth shut. she Confided in you.I am sure if you went to her and told her how excruciating it is for you she might understand that you need to say SOMEthing before you burst. maybe even ask her, look i need to say something, how much information can i give him.
though I don’t know why she would be so afraid to say ” i still love him” (leaving out the part of her only marrying her Fiance cause her ex is married.
whoa. man. that is a doozey. in the end it doesnt matter what we suggest, its what you can live with.
Post # 4
@mrs.josh: I’m sorry, that sure puts you in an awkward spot. I wouldn’t tell my Fiance, though, if I were in your position. It would be very difficult, but it’s not as if knowing this info would change anything for your Fiance from my understanding of the situation. She didn’t say she wasn’t going to marry her now Fiance. Her ex is already married.
If anything, maybe talk to her and say that you appreciate that she’s shared with you, but that you know Fiance has always wondered about her relationship with the man who raised him, and that you think it’d be great if she could share more with him. Otherwise, I don’t think that it’s your story to share.
Post # 5
I’m sure that you feel torn about this-but really what good would it do to tell Josh? It wouldn’t change things for Josh or “his dad”. The man that raised him is married to someone else. I don’t think that it would really change Josh’s relationship with “his dad”. I am guessing that he still does have a relationship with him-at least he should even though “Josh’s dad” and his mom are no longer married. I only see that the information, if it got out could really hurt his mom. She is the one who probably wants a life partner to be with (her fiancee) the really nice man that she does care about. It seems if word got out, it could really spoil their relationship and make mom & the fiance break up. I think Josh would really hate for that to happen. As an older adult you make different decisions about love. Josh doesn’t need to know more about his mom’s life than she chooses to tell him. If/when she feels like sharing more about her relationship with Josh she’ll tell him herself. You really don’t have to share every single thought with your spouse. Sometimes keeping your mouth shut is kinder. I hope that this doesn’t come off as snarky.
Post # 6
There is no benefit to your FH knowing this. I wouldn’t say anything and I think the PP laid out some great points.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone. I have decided not to tell him. If he brings it up in the future, I’m just going to suggest that he talk to his mom about it. I think opening my mouth about it could potentially do more harm than good…
Post # 8
The question really is- Is it your parents story to tell, or does it belong to the child (whatever age the child is) Methinks it belongs to the parent.
My now Mother-In-Law told me some stuff about MM father and Im stuck with that information in my head forever. One of the few beliefs he has is that his parents had a strong relationship and Im not about to take that from him. So I try and bury it far down and never think about it.
On the other hand, I recently learned my mother ended the relationship with my bio-father due to domestic abuse and wanting to remove her kids from it. She never told me this and I heard it from a cousin. Im in a quandry if I should bring it up her. But I feel like “it’s her story to tell” and if she doesnt want to share it I shouldnt pry.