(Closed) FMIL slander FFIL to me behind FI's back -help

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1227 posts
Bumble bee

I would keep it to yourself. No good can come from sharing it, just lots of drama.

Post # 4
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Mother-In-Law unloads on me a lot too- not as extreme as rape/physical abuse- but stuff about how he was a terrible father and husband and she did accuse him of cheating on her and giving her an STD. My Father-In-Law and his kids freely admit the former is true, and I don’t think they know anything about the cheating accusation.

I really don’t think you should say anything to your Fiance. It will destroy his relationship with one of his parents, depending on what he believes. Either his father is a wife beating rapist, or his mother is falsely accusing him of being a wife beating rapist. Either is unforgivable. If your Mother-In-Law spills her guts to you again, ask her if she’s considered therapy. If what she’s saying is true, maybe she can work with her therapist over how to confront this anger. If what she’s saying is not true, maybe her therapist can help her understand why she’d accuse someone of something so terrible.

FYI- I am not saying your Father-In-Law is guilty of this, but very commonly abusive people can put on a front to outsiders and it’s not unusual that friends and family had no idea what was going on. Keep in mind it IS possible that your Mother-In-Law is telling the truth. Either way, she should probably be in therapy.

Post # 5
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The thing about some alcoholics and abusers is…they can hide it very well. I say this because my mom’s ex (25+ yr relationship) was both and no one would have known.

However, if you Fiance hasn’t told you anything of this behavior, and he’s lived with him, it’s probably not true.

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