(Closed) FMIL…. So upset and need advice

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Don’t let yourself get upset over this–it’s not like she’s  inviting people you hate and it’s not going to cost you anything. Let it go–weddings are stressful enough

Post # 18
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would be super annoyed that she completely ignored your request and invited them all without even mentioning it. Sometimes the price of other people paying ends up being more trouble then its worth. At this point you are 10 days out, let it go and have an amazing wedding, and then take a break from her for a while;)

Post # 19
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’d be pissed, too. You all agreed on the guest list (she said ok), then she changed it without talking to you about it. This was an issue we had- it’s supposed to be an intimate dinner- luckily we’re paying for it, so we’re in control of the invites.

I agree with PP that you just have to let it go for now. If after the wedding, it’s still bothering you, it might be worth bringing up- would she respect your wishes with your future kids, for example. But try to forget about it for now.

Post # 20
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Can you afford your own rehersal dinner?

If so, I’d go that route.  Tell her that while her offer is appreciated, you and Fiance aren’t comfortable with such a large guest list, and you’ll have to sadly decline her offer to host the dinner.

Then just go do your own thing.  If she’s so hell-bent on having dinner with her family, she should go do it by herself.

Post # 21
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Try not to get too upset about it. Although if she is inviting all her bros/sis then I think its only fair that you invite your parents bro’s and sis’s to (should they have any).  

Post # 22
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would be pissed too! I do agree with the fact that when other people pay it means they have some amount of control. However what your Future Mother-In-Law did was messed up.I hope your Fi set her straight.

Yes she is paying but she doesn’t get to spring this on you ten days before the wedding. If she was going to pull that card she should have done it before which would have given you  and your Fi time to decide if you could host it on your own. Her behavior is rude.

Don’t let this stress you out. If anything have yoru Fi call and set the rest of the family straight.

Post # 23
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

oh that’s hard! I find it hard when people gift you somthing with conditions, etc. but as people said, your relationship with her is more important in the long run than the rehearsal dinner.. If she can’t understand or agree with you, then I’d leave it alone!

Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@InATizzy:  I think its exactly that.  I think mine is going nuts because she didn’t get to do one for her daughter (she was unemployed at the time so they just skipped it), so now she’s basically going all out, probably, to soothe her own ego.  I dunno, people are weird.

View original reply
@Summer82:  I agree with silvia.riggle, though.  In the grand scheme you probably won’t even remember that you had 10 extra people because you’ll only really think about the wedding and honemoon when looking back. 

Post # 26
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

These are some of the crazy things I’ve been experiencing too!  I really get along great with my Future Mother-In-Law, but she is definitely the type that needs to be the center of attention and get the spotlight, so the fact that my parents are helping pay for most of the wedding and my Mom and I have been doing a majority of the planning I KNOW is eating at her.  There have been several small things that she’s done to sneak in what she wants here and there and its getting SUPER annoying, even to my family!

It’s great to hear from other Bees that this is not uncommon, but also to calm down and realize that at the end of the day, we’re all in this to marry the ones we love!  No need to ruin what should be a perfect weekend 🙂

Post # 27
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hey tomorrow is your big day!!!It’s curious to see how many times the words Future Mother-In-Law and upset bride are often in the same sentence…..I totally understand your feelings cause my Future Mother-In-Law is quite nosy too. Show her you can be a nice, positive person even if she doesn’t respect your desires. My best wishes for tomorrowSmile!!!

Post # 28
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Summer82:  ugh that just erks me! Idk why people seem to think that just because they are paying for something pertaining to a wedding they get a say! It’s a GIFT to the Bride and Groom. I always get fired up watching SYTTD and the paying party says they won’t buy unless the Bride does what they want, etc….same thing in my book!

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