(Closed) FMIL still introduces me as "The Girlfriend"

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

SimpleCountryLife:  she’s being passive aggressive. I’m a fire-with-fire kinda girl, so after she introduced me as “the girlfriend”, I’d hold my ring up and say, ” Silly FMIL! We’re *engaged* now! I’m his fiancé! ” All the while I’d have a huge, shit eating grin on my face.

As far as wedding plans, start yourself. Unless you expect them to help with money, then you’re in for a real treat.

Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with Bagel, correct her right then and there. If she keeps doing it, people will realize she’s doing it on purpose and will reflect poorly on her.

Post # 4
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

SimpleCountryLife:  Yeah both my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law have referred to me as the girlfriend at least once since we got engaged. But to be fair my family has slipped too and referred to Fiance as my boyfriend. It bugs me too, it just kind of stings because he isn’t my boyfriend anymore he’s my fiance and I feel like that should be acknowledged! But I also understand it’s an adjustment to get used to calling me the fiance after years of introducing me as their sons girlfriend. 

Post # 5
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I still call my Fiance my boyfriend… I just don’t like saying fiance. This is just not a big deal to me, don’t let yourself worry about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I’m with MrsBagel.  I kill them with kindness.  Flash your ring and let it shine.  

 

Post # 7
Member
5817 posts
Bee Keeper

SimpleCountryLife:  How long did you date your Fiance before becoming his fiance?  I’m not asking this in a mean way, because my husband and I dated a year and he asked me to marry him and we got married a month later.  There are times I still call him my boyfriend in my head and I’ve been his wife for three months now!  So sometimes it’s hard to remember, but I think your Future Mother-In-Law is being passive agressive.  Just do what some of the other PPs suggest and correct her stating, “Oh I’m FI’s fiancee now!”

Post # 8
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SimpleCountryLife:  This is up to your fiance to fix.

You shouldn’t need to hint anything. Your fiance needs to take a stronger line, correcting her more forcefully; perhaps even having a talk with her in private.

Post # 9
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

SimpleCountryLife: I’d probably clarify in an affirmative way, but then I prefer to avoid openly contradicting my Future In-Laws and anyone else who I owe respect to directly.

Future Mother-In-Law – “This is X…the girlfriend.”

Me – *Massive smile* “Yep, we recently got engaged!”

Post # 10
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hate the word fiancé. I think it sounds so stuffy. pretty sure I called my Darling Husband my “boyfriend” the whole year we were engaged. And what wedding planning are you hoping to discuss with them? I sent my inlaws an invitation and they showed up. No planning necessary.

Post # 11
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My ex Father-In-Law still introduced me as ‘the girlfriend’ when we’d been together 15 years and married for 10.  

Some people are just idiots.

Post # 12
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee

Just refer to her as “my future mother in law” a few times and see what happens.  

Then ideally you need to engage in open discussion.  

Ask her how she feels about the engagement.  Ask her why she and her husband got engaged so young.  Tell her why you think her son is so great.

If she won’t talk to you then you’ll have to leave it up to your fiance to sort out.

Post # 13
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would also correct her with a big smile so that she gets & if she continues I’ll say it in a commanding way.

In my culture we don’t engage so you are either a girlfriend/boyfriend  or spouse &  if there’s a ring on your wedding ring finger you are immediately presumed to be married. 

Baal:  10 years married and he still can’t get it. I will be mad.

Post # 14
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

I’d correct her with an, “Oh, I’m actually his fiancée, but it’s only been two months so I guess Mother-In-Law is still adjusting” and give her a Look. Then you don’t look rude to the other person, Mother-In-Law looks like an idiot, and hopefully feels like one too.

Post # 15
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee

If I were introduced as “the girlfriend,” I’d smile, shake the other person’s hand and say, “Pleasure to meet you, I’m XXX’s fiance Xu.” Then I’d stop talking about the wedding with the Future Mother-In-Law. If she’s not giving you money, then all she needs to know is where and what time to show up.

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