(Closed) FMIL suggesting change, am I crazy to be insulted?

posted 9 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Maybe she needs to hear it from her son?  Perhaps if she knows that this is a decision that the two of you arrived at together, she will back off a bit.  Good luck!

Post # 4
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

That venue is definitely worth the battle!  That observatory is AWESOME!

I agree with ready2b- have your Fiance tell her that you are both heart set on the observatory and it’s set in stone.

Post # 5
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s worth the battle.  Have Fiance tell her to back off.

Post # 6
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow, your venue is incredible!  I wouldn’t want to change it either!  Is she helping pay for the wedding or recption?  And have you already paid a deposit on the observatory?  I think if parents are helping pay they should get a bigger part in the decision.  Also, if your side of the guest list has more people than her side, I could understand why she might be pushing you so hard to change.

However, if you have split up the guest list equally, or if she’s not contributing to the expenses, I don’t think it’s very fair for her to push you to change your mind.  If you have paid a deposit on the observatory you can always use the excuse that you’ll be losing money by moving the wedding to the clubhouse.  Otherwise, I would have my Fi talk to his mom about why you want the wedding there, what it means to BOTH of you, etc…  If all else fails, just ignore her hints for the next couple months.  Then you can start using the excuse that it’s too late to change anything! 

Post # 7
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

OMG first your venue is GORGEOUS and the photos you will be able to get from there are going to be priceless. I would have your fi talk to her that you (as a couple) have decided on the venue already and would appreciate it if she would stop trying to make you change. Besides if that observatory was near me I would have found a way to cut my 300 guest list.

Post # 8
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Jeez louise, what a venue! Those pictures of it are gorgeous and so dramatic!

As other posters have said, if this is what you and your Fiance have decided on, maybe he should let her know that you are not willing to change it. It may be easier to hear, "just drop it, mom" from him than from you, and that is what she needs to hear.

Post # 9
405 posts
Helper bee

I agree that your venue is WORTH a battle! It’s GORGEOUS! I’m jealous. 🙂

I also agree with ready2bmrsd that perhaps her son should tell her. GOOD LUCK!!!

Post # 10
27 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

I love your venue, and I agree with everyone; it is definately worth a fight.  This is a place that has a lot of meaning for you, and maybe if you gently share that with your Future Mother-In-Law, it will help her understand.

She may want to show off her beautiful new daughter-in-law to everyone in the world, and if that is the case, maybe she can host a day after brunch at the country club with those who are important to her.  

Either way, stand your ground!

Post # 11
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry, what was your question?  I was busy drooling over your venue. 

Seriously, though.  That location rocks!  Is there any way to have some tables outdoors as well?  Could the patio area serve as part of the dinner seating?  Not sure how that would work, but just a suggestion. 

Post # 12
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that your venue is awesome and the club, well, it’s certainly not my style, and judging from the venue you selected, I’d say it’s not yours either.

It sounds like you’ve already put money down on the vista.  There’s your angle–and I agree, it’s 10 times better if it comes from her son:  "We’d love to add X Y and Z to the guest list, but as you know we’re already stressed for space and it’s too late to change the location because we’ve already put down a hefty deposit.  Hopefully we’ll find a way to celebrate with them soon."

Good luck! 


Post # 13
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Do not back down from this one!  That is an AMAZING venue! 

Even if she is helping pay for the wedding, it does no good if you’re not going to LOVE your day!  I bet the people she wants to invite aren’t even that close to you or your fiance, right?  I’m guessing that you would have made it a point to consider these people in the first place if they were really important to you.

Definitely get your fiance to help you fight this battle, though!

Good luck!

Post # 15
22 posts

That is such a beautiful venue I can understand you not wanting to change.


Why is the Mother-In-Law wanting the change?

Post # 16
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

The place you picked out is jaw dropping amazing. 

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