(Closed) FMIL Threatening to Not Attend Wedding

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
45657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sbwallace88:  Don’t let her dictate the terms of your wedding by threats and coercion. Manipuators like her almost always back down on their threats. If she stayed away she wouldn’t be the center of attention.

I disagree that her demand to meet her ex husband’s date before the wedding is reasonable. They have been divorced for 3 years. His social life is none of her business. Her obligation is to act like a civilized adult no matter who he choose to asociate with.

Post # 3
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

sbwallace88:  I wouldn’t give in. Her request is unreasonable, and it’s sad that she is going to punish YOU guys because of her selfishness. She wants to cry and carry on about it and cause a big enough scene to get her way. I would do the exact opposite and say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and let it go. She will be upset, but those can be her feelings if she chooses to have them. Ultimately, I think (I hope) she will end up making the mature decision to attend the wedding.

Post # 4
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with your FFIL why does she need to meet his SO before the wedding? That’s crazy. You all have already given into her demands and look where its gotten you, more demands. Stop the crazy train now. If she doesn’t come, she looks like the fool. I think she’s just bluffing anyway. So call her bluff.

Post # 5
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

julies1949:  +1

There is no reason at ALL that she should want, need, or ask to meet this new woman in her ex’s life. She’s been catered to on things that matter and she has friends there to support her. 

Don’t give in. 

Post # 6
3071 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sbwallace88:  +1 to all the PPs. Tell her you hope she changes her mind about not attending, and leave it at that. Do not negotiate with terrorists, lol! You’re being plenty accomodating as it is.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 7
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014


sbwallace88:  That’s crazy. First of all, I don’t think she NEEDS to meet her. That’s a silly request. Why does it matter? Second of all, I would not put the SO’s at different tables. I feel like that would make it more awkward (but it’s totally up to you obviously). It is not the worst thing in the world. Finally, don’t let FMIL make this any more difficult than it needs to be.

Explain to her that she cannot dictate who is invited to the wedding and you and your FH have to do it how you want. Good luck!

Post # 8
7200 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Her loss.

Post # 9
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

sbwallace88:  You are doing the right thing, except that you do need to invite SOs to the rehearsal dinner. It it not polite to break up social units.

That said, just be firm with your FMIL. You are inviting her to the wedding, and she can either accept or send her regrets. She cannot accept with conditions. I also agree with PPs that her request is unreasonable. If she chooses to be petty and refuses to attend your wedding, that is on her. I think she will come around when she sees that her threats aren’t working.

Post # 10
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree w/ PPs.

Her son should just tell her (through whatever method works best)- As you know, FFIL’s SO is invited.  We hope you’ll join us to celebrate our wedding and be happy for us, but whether you attend or not is your decision.  Let us know when you have decided please.

Post # 12
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

sbwallace88:  I don’t work with threats. I’d tell her to go pound sand and that if she wouldn’t come over something so petty then she isn’t welcome. They’re divorced, she has no claim to her ex or any input in his life. Their children are grown, and there is no reason why she needs to have soem formal meeting. I can understand not wanting there to be any awkward “hi, nice to meet you” moment so personally, I would invite the dates to the rehearsal dinner and let that be the meeting place. – That and I consider it rude to not let the parents invite their SO to the rehearsal dinner. 

Post # 14
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

sbwallace88:  hi, my MIL and her mom threatened not to come, even rsvp’d with a big capital letter “NO!”  We still had a plate and seats at the reception for them.  We even had coursages ready too in hopes they changed their minds. In the end we wanted to extend the olive branch completely so that we can say we did everything we could.  Make it completely their decision on what to patricipate or not participate in.

What ended up happing is…. they both showed up for the ceremony, sat in the back row, turned away from any photographers so they were not photographed, rejected our corsages when the best man (their son in law) presented them.  They then said nothing to me and left before the reception.  I belive they only said a few words to DH, mainly about being dissapointed….

sad, but i have no regrets. They missed out and it was completely their decision to do so, if they had stayed they would have had a nice dinner 🙂

Post # 15
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ps good luck! 

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