(Closed) FMIL throwing a party for those not invited??

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
9022 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if she is going to throw this party, it should be after the wedding to celebrate your marriage.


Post # 3
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with PP. Also, if she is willing to throw a big party for her side of the family… I guess I’m not understanding why she wouldn’t just offer to contribute to the reception. Don’t get me wrong, that could bring another whole set of problems, it’s just weird that she would prefer to throw her own reception that is bigger than the wedding itself.

Post # 4
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

She can throw a party for whoever she wants, but if she wants to make it in honor of your wedding, she should throw it after the wedding and she should aim for a casual affair like a backyard BBQ. Something where guests aren’t required to show up at any specific time, they can come and go as they please, because that takes the pressure off of the guests– they don’t have to go get a new outfit (unless they just want a good excuse to buy a new outfit) , they can decline if they would have to travel, etc.  Even better if you can pair up with another relative who has had a significant life event like a new baby, bought a new house, got a promotion, etc, so it becomes a family celebration and not a second wedding reception.  You can be very clear with her that you don’t want gifts because you feel it’s wrong to expect gifts from those who didn’t get an invite to the actual wedding, and mixing a couple of family events together will help with that expectation. You can also ask her to make it a BYO type of party and let guests know that bringing a nice bottle of wine for everyone to enjoy is the kind of gift you want.

Post # 6
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

It should be after the wedding. It sounds like the party she’s throwing would almost over shadow your event. And I think it’s kinda rude fo her to even suggest throwing a big party like that before your wedding. 

Post # 7
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Oh. My. Gosh. No no no. That has bad etiquette written all over it.  Please talk her out of it. How would you feel if you got invited to a bbq to celebrate someone’s wedding then was not invited. AWKWARD!!

Please ask her to wait until after the wedding if she still wants to do this. Having it before it just not right for anyone. 

Post # 8
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I definitely will echo that it’s rude of her to throw the party pre-wedding.

But, I have to ask, if she is so set on having some sort of party, why doesn’t she just contribute to the wedding costs so her family members can attend? Or, is that a door you just don’t want to open?

Post # 9
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It really should be after the wedding.  

I had a similar situation with my Future Mother-In-Law, who really wanted to send wedding announcements out to her extended family.  BUT she wanted these announcements to go out with the invitations.  That really rubbed me the wrong way – I didn’t want to offend all of these people by making it clear that they weren’t being invited to the wedding, but they were still welcome to “send us things to help celebrate” as my Future Mother-In-Law put it!  And who knows if people would get confused and think they WERE invited by being included in pre-wedding festivities.

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