(Closed) FMIL throwing a shower, how can I keep my mom out of it?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sure your parents would appreciate your trying to look out for them so could you just tell them? Would your mom be opposed to simply telling your Future Mother-In-Law that she is busy and won’t be able to help until the day of? Maybe say “There are a lot of wedding details I’m trying to get sorted out (name a few) so I won’t be much help with the planning, sorry. But if you need help setting up that afternoon I’d be glad to come over early.” that way your Future Mother-In-Law will have some help that day but your mom won’t be obligated to pay for half if all she does is blow up balloons and pull out chairs. Or she could just supply a side dish or two.

Post # 4
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I would flat out tell my Future Mother-In-Law (as I already have) that the bride’s mother isn’t supposed to throw the shower.  I believe my aunts and some of my cousins are going to collaborate on a shower for me, although I’m unsure.  Can’t any of your aunts co-host with your FMIL?  Bridesmaids?  Friends?  Just tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you’re uncomfortable with your mother co-hosting and that you feel she is already contributing enough.  If you don’t have any aunts, it is also acceptable for your FI’s aunts to host.

Post # 5
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Pinksapphire: You have guts! I like it! How did your Future Mother-In-Law handle the convo?

Post # 7
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It does seem like a tricky situation. I think you would be best following your gut and just coming right out and saying it, that way nothing gets misinterpreted and she will know EXACTLY how you feel. Just try to be as tacful as possible “I’d rather my mom not help pay for the party since she is paying for my wedding.” and then maybe offer cutting some things out to lower their cost; not so manty decorations, potluck instead of catering, bbq instead of going somewhere. Maybe you could go to an even CHEAPER place for the rehearsal dinner or even veto it all together. I’m not having one and my SIL didn’t have one either, nor is my brother. If I do anything, it’ll be just a bbq at the FI’s house. Also, make sure you tell your mom that what you want, remembering your mother being taken advantage of is certianly not a happy memory! Let her know you’d be happiest if she were treated fairly and not to volunteer any more of her money. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@JBing:  Oh dude….that’s not a good situation.  Up front, I have to say that I think that it’s awful that your Future Mother-In-Law offered to host a shower for you and is now trying to off load it onto your parents.  If she didn’t want to host (aka spend the money) then she shouldn’t have offered.

To be fair to you, you’re mom really shouldn’t have offered to help out so she kind of put her own foot in it, but I understand that she felt pressured to do so.  Do his parents know that your parents are paying for the wedding (not the amount, but that they are)?  It seems a bit crazy for your Future Mother-In-Law to ask this of your mom (especially if this is about the money part…not just about being involved) if she knows that your parents are already contributing in a very VERY significant way.

I think that you have a couple of options.  You could tell your mom that she should talk to Future Mother-In-Law and say that, while she is happy to help set up and come up with ideas, she is not able to financially help out with the shower.  This could be awkward.  You could also talk to your Future Mother-In-Law and explain that you really don’t want your Mom to help out with the shower because she is already doing so much for the wedding and that is improper for you mom to be hosting that kind of event.  I think that this is the best option, to be honest.  It MIGHT offend your Future Mother-In-Law, but at the same time, the way that you’ve outlined the situation here, it almost sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is taking advantage of your mom…so you should stand up for her.  You don’t have to be rude…You could offer up your BMs or any friends that are willing to help with the shower as a peace offering (obviously find out if they are willing first).  That way there are some options for your Future Mother-In-Law.

What does your Fiance think?

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this.  It definitely doesn’t sound fun.

The topic ‘FMIL throwing a shower, how can I keep my mom out of it?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors