(Closed) FMIL to attend engagement photos? Is this normal?

posted 4 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 2
8959 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ks835:  I wouldn’t go along with this. I’d have your fiance tell her that the two of you are going to feel awkward enough posing for the photographer, and you’re (meaning the two of you) not comfortable with her being there too. You’ll be happy to share the final pictures with her, but if she insists on coming to the photo shoot, you’ll have to decline this gift.

It’s very weird and inappropriate for her to be there if you haven’t specifically invited her, even if she’s paying. If you can shrug it off and say it’s not that big a deal, you’re more accommodating that me. It’s up to the 2 of you to accept the gift or not and if she’s offended, that’s on her. Her expectation is not reasonable.

Post # 4
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

ks835:  This is totally weird. Just cause she’s paying for this doesn’t mean she comes along. How weird! And to not tell you the photographers contact info??? WTF. AND to schedule an appointment without running the day and time with you first??? 

I wouldn’t agree to this. And I would have your fiance be the one to tell his mom that he doesn’t feel comfortable with her being there. And I would make him insist that she give the photographers contact info. If she refuses, I would refuse her “gift”. 

Post # 5
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

She sounds effing psycho!! Withholding contact info? To test maybe just call her up and ask the guys name and website bc you want to check reviews. Then if she is coy you call her out. This is nuts and I’d put a stop before she chooses your obgyn and insists on being present for that too. 

Post # 6
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would frankly decline this “gift” as it comes with to many strings she won’t even tell you the name of the photographer she choose the date and time and she is going to be there? No this could well turn into one of those thing where if you start giving into her now it will only get worse down the track

Post # 8
836 posts
Busy bee

its not normal. lol

Post # 9
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

ks835:  You def need to stand your ground here because she is crossing boundaries if you agree to this. What does your fiance think of the situation? 

Post # 11
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

ks835:  This is super weird. I mean, I get that she wants to be involved or whatever, but honestly engagement photos are a little awkward to begin with. I mean– you’re kissing & cuddling in public in front of a stranger who has a camera clicking away in your face. It’s totally weird. (This is why you SHOULD do engagement photos and ideally with your wedding photographer.) But add your Future Mother-In-Law to the mix? Hells no. 

Post # 12
5364 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

This is weird as hell. 

Post # 13
1551 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh, no. Just no. Your fiancé needs to step up to the plate and deal with his mother!

At least if she’s not giving you money for the wedding, that should save you some drama down the line!

Post # 14
84 posts
Worker bee

Super awkward. Considering how shady she’s being with information, what if she shows up and says, “Surprise, my gift to you is I’m going to be taking all the photos myself!” Lol!! Please insist Fiance speak with her and lay down boundaries.

Post # 15
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

ks835:  Um no. I’m a wedding photographer, and I actually don’t “allow” others to tag along at e-sessions. I hate to use the word allow, but really, the point of the session is for me to get to know my clients better and to see how they interact with each other. People are already nervous, and I like to be able to have free flowing conversation….laughing, joking, etc. Plus, havint extra people there is one more person I feel like I have to make conversation with when I’m really trying to get to know my couple. The only exception to this is when my clients want to incorporate their pets, because they won’t be in every photo. Even then, I let them know that we will be doing the photos with their pets first, and whoever is there to help can take the pets and leave and we will continue the session.

I personally would put my foot down. Your fiance needs to tell his mom she needs to pony up the photographer’s info and stay home or you guys won’t be doing the session at all.

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