Post # 1
I could care less about getting engagement photos, but Future Mother-In-Law wants to get them for us “as a gift”. She doesn’t want to contribute to the wedding in any other way, so I accepted this gift from her to make her feel included. The photographer isn’t even the same photographer that we’ll use for the wedding. (She wants us to use her photographer friend for the wedding, but we told her no, we’ve already got a photographer. So she said she wants us to at least use him for engagement photos, and we said okay. )
Now, from the way she’s talking about it, it sounds like she’s planning on being there. Is this normal to have other family attend the photos? I originally envisioned the session as a fun little date with just Fiance and I.
It’s possible I’m overreacting. I think what’s getting under my skin is imagining that she’s using this as a form of control. She arranged the appointment without asking us what date would work for us first. She’s withholding the photographer’s contact information. Now what if she’s there telling us how to pose, etc. Plus, I’m shy- I don’t want to take pictures in front of other people.
In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal. I’ll most likely end up just not saying anything to her, and doing the photos with her there. But I just thought I would ask and maybe get a reality check.
Post # 2
ks835: I wouldn’t go along with this. I’d have your fiance tell her that the two of you are going to feel awkward enough posing for the photographer, and you’re (meaning the two of you) not comfortable with her being there too. You’ll be happy to share the final pictures with her, but if she insists on coming to the photo shoot, you’ll have to decline this gift.
It’s very weird and inappropriate for her to be there if you haven’t specifically invited her, even if she’s paying. If you can shrug it off and say it’s not that big a deal, you’re more accommodating that me. It’s up to the 2 of you to accept the gift or not and if she’s offended, that’s on her. Her expectation is not reasonable.
Post # 3
Daisy_Mae: Thank you! Very helpful
Post # 4
ks835: This is totally weird. Just cause she’s paying for this doesn’t mean she comes along. How weird! And to not tell you the photographers contact info??? WTF. AND to schedule an appointment without running the day and time with you first???
I wouldn’t agree to this. And I would have your fiance be the one to tell his mom that he doesn’t feel comfortable with her being there. And I would make him insist that she give the photographers contact info. If she refuses, I would refuse her “gift”.
Post # 5
She sounds effing psycho!! Withholding contact info? To test maybe just call her up and ask the guys name and website bc you want to check reviews. Then if she is coy you call her out. This is nuts and I’d put a stop before she chooses your obgyn and insists on being present for that too.
Post # 6
I would frankly decline this “gift” as it comes with to many strings she won’t even tell you the name of the photographer she choose the date and time and she is going to be there? No this could well turn into one of those thing where if you start giving into her now it will only get worse down the track
Post # 7
Diamond84: Thanks for understanding my perspective! The worst is trying to get Fiance to confront his Mom. It’s almost like he’s scared of her. I can see why though. However, I think he’s been doing his best to learn to confront her in a constructive way.
bostonbride2016: haha yea. Well I already asked for his website, to which she responded immediately “he doesn’t have a website”…weird.
I don’t want drama. I don’t want her getting mad, and I don’t want to make things miserable for Fiance. But also don’t want her crossing boundaries. I just want a relationship with her with mututal respect.
Post # 9
ks835: You def need to stand your ground here because she is crossing boundaries if you agree to this. What does your fiance think of the situation?
Post # 10
Diamond84: I think he could care less whether she was there or not. Being alone with me for engagement photos was just never something he thought about, mainly because he didn’t even realize what engagement photos were. He’s completely used to accomodating his mom’s wishes without questioning them-but he’s been working on that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought this was just another one of my “your mom is crossing boundaries” complaints that I give him. The other day when I asked him to text her, he was hesitant because he could predict a variety of comebacks that she would have. I just let it go. I’m gonna bring it back up tomorrow though. From reading the responses on here, I’ve got a few different angles that I can have him start out with when he texts her. I think the problem is her, and not him.
Post # 11
ks835: This is super weird. I mean, I get that she wants to be involved or whatever, but honestly engagement photos are a little awkward to begin with. I mean– you’re kissing & cuddling in public in front of a stranger who has a camera clicking away in your face. It’s totally weird. (This is why you SHOULD do engagement photos and ideally with your wedding photographer.) But add your Future Mother-In-Law to the mix? Hells no.
Post # 13
Ugh, no. Just no. Your fiancé needs to step up to the plate and deal with his mother!
At least if she’s not giving you money for the wedding, that should save you some drama down the line!
Post # 14
Super awkward. Considering how shady she’s being with information, what if she shows up and says, “Surprise, my gift to you is I’m going to be taking all the photos myself!” Lol!! Please insist Fiance speak with her and lay down boundaries.
Post # 15
ks835: Um no. I’m a wedding photographer, and I actually don’t “allow” others to tag along at e-sessions. I hate to use the word allow, but really, the point of the session is for me to get to know my clients better and to see how they interact with each other. People are already nervous, and I like to be able to have free flowing conversation….laughing, joking, etc. Plus, havint extra people there is one more person I feel like I have to make conversation with when I’m really trying to get to know my couple. The only exception to this is when my clients want to incorporate their pets, because they won’t be in every photo. Even then, I let them know that we will be doing the photos with their pets first, and whoever is there to help can take the pets and leave and we will continue the session.
I personally would put my foot down. Your fiance needs to tell his mom she needs to pony up the photographer’s info and stay home or you guys won’t be doing the session at all.