(Closed) FMIL trouble

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

What a mess.  Put some mileage between you and this psycho lady- really.  You really need to feel out your fiance over his willingness to set some boundaries.  If he’s wimpy about it, y’all are in for a “bumpy ride” for quiite a long time.  She’s trying to usurp the duties (and joys) that are traditionally your mother’s, and frankly, if I were your mother I’d be putting her in her place.  It’s YOUR wedding and your life.  The sooner she realizes that, the less trouble you’ll have when children come around.

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

is any of this cultural?  why would she get to choose your or the BMs dresses?  Can you just stop answering her calls so often.  i think what is most important is that you and Fiance present a united front.  if she cant respect you or your marriage, then dont let her come by or call.  i know this is easier said than done, but you have to set boundaries and demand that they be respected.

Post # 5
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

make your Fiance be very straight and stern about this!! my Future Mother-In-Law drives me crazy but my Fiance will never just totally stand up to her and be like “MOM! SHUT UP ALREADY! JUST STOP!” which is what i wish he would do… the longer he doesn’t freak out at her and make her stop, the longer she’ll feel like she can get away with acting like such a brat.

Post # 6
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am sorry that you are going through this.

I agree with FutureMrsMorgan. Have a talk with your FI and tell him your concerns and feelings about all of this. Maybe he can talk her down. If not, you two are in this together and are making this decision for you..not others.

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2015

At least your fiance doesn’t seem to be taking her side over the issues. I don’t understand the part where she wants to pick out stuff for YOUR wedding, I thought that was okay for the brides mother. Seems to me like she is scared of losing her son for good and she is trying with all her power to get him back. Try not to worry too much about it. Talk to your Fiance about it and attempt to talk to Future Mother-In-Law. Maybe you both can come to some type of agreement, something she helps with in the wedding. Not on her own but with you.. Good Luck!

Post # 8
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you seen “Monster-in-Law” yet?  It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is trying to sabotage your relationship by making your Fiance choose between her and you.  It’s important that you reiterate to your Fiance that YOU are not making him choose, that you know there is just as much room in his heart for both his mum AND you.  Once you’ve set that straight, then I really think it’s up to him to tell his mum to cool it!  If that means he doesn’t speak to her until after the wedding, then that may have to be the solution.  Frankly, she sounds controlling and manipulative, so it’s important you don’t play into it and FORCE your Fiance to choose sides.  Let him realize on his own that the only one creating that burden is HER and he’ll end up siding with you.  Afterall, I’m sure he’d rather be living with you than his mum!

Post # 9
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Is Fiance a only child or atleast the only son? It seems like she may feel like she’s losing her “little boy”. We’re going thru similar issues with Future Mother-In-Law and some of the things I’ve done that have helped are sending Fiance to dinner with her or the family by himself on occassion, creating projects for her to do or help with, and incorporated some of her ideas even if they weren’t something I would have necessarily chose before. Just my take on the situation- hope everything ends up working out.

Post # 10
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with FutureMrsMorgan – you and your Fiance need to establish some boundaries with her RIGHT NOW. If you don’t, you will be in this mess for the rest of your lives. You and your Fiance should have a heart to heart (with eachother) and figure out how you plan to address this. This sounds bad, but just like with children (and other family members to an extent), you need to have boundaries and she should almost be able to predict what your response will be to certain things. For example, she starts talking about subject X that you guys have established you will not talk to her about, you and he tell her RESPONSE A. Next time she does it, again, she gets RESPONSE A. She will eventually learn, trust me. I know it’s frustrating, but keep trying. We had to do this with my Future Mother-In-Law because she kept asking when she plan to have children. We’ve decided to tell her that when we do, someone will let her know. That’s it. That’s all – don’t ask anymore. The most important thing is that you and Fiance stick together on the issues, because if she can, she’ll get in the middle of it and you’ll never get her out.

Bon Chance,

Bella

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