(Closed) FMIL trying to help with a honeymoon box… ARGH!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’ve got to sort this out with Fiance first. If Fiance comes around to your side, then he can deal with his mum. If Fiance doesn’t come round, you can try talking to his mum instead, but that’s much harder.

Assuming your displayed wedding date is correct, you’ve still got more than a month. So I suggest: give it a few days then raise it with Fiance again. Perhaps direct him to research on the bee or some other web site: most people agree it’s tacky (unless it’s specific to your culture, which it sounds like it isn’t).

p.s. I’m using Internet Explorer and your paragraph breaks are there.

Post # 5
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Oh boy. I agree about showing your fiance some sites bashing those boxes. He will probably understand once he reads some of that. 

Worst case, direct your bartender to remove the box. 

Post # 6
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would just bring it up to her, just say do you think some people might be put off by this honeyfund box? I don’t want anyone to feel obligated and she might just say oh well we can skip it but if she insists I would just let it go

Post # 7
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Could you suggest turning it into something else?  Might soften the blow.  Perhaps an “Advice” box?  Or a “Share your favorite memory” box?  Or if the box is honeymoon themed, maybe even a “(Family-Friendly) Advice for the Honeymoon”? 

That way, you appreciate her work and effort, but get out of the tip-jar mentality.

Post # 8
309 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@Sunnybrook:  +1


I think the first issue here is that your Fiance got angry with you and said you were attacking his mom for trying to help. He is going to be YOUR husband, he needs to stick up for you.


I told Fiance that his mother (sweetest woman ever) was trying to help me with EVERYTHING and insisting on knowing ALL plans and that it was a bit overwhelming. I have always been very independant and am not used to having/asking for help, so I didnt know how to handle someone enthusiastically trying to help me.

He adores his mother and thinks she’s the greatest person ever, but he still said, “I understand babe, do you want me to talk to her?” Which of course made me feel like crap, and I said “no, I just need to learn to accept help…”

Post # 10
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s your wedding and she can’t make you do anything. Tell Fi it’s uncomfortable for you and you don’t want it at the wedding. Then have kindly ask his mother to cut it the f out. She needs boundaries!

Post # 11
13951 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you have a coordinator or manager on site who can be instructed to remove the box? 

I do agree with PPs though, make sure you and your Fiance are on the same page.  Personally, I would be offended to see something like this at a wedding.

Post # 12
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@Nellop:  I understand that part of it, to you it seems extremely rude/greedy to put a box asking for additional money when chances are you will probably get some cash in the wedding cards anyways.

Can you instruct your Day of Coordinator (or whomever is setting up the venue) to put the box on the table by the cards? Maybe that way you can have a compromise and not feel all greedy by having it somewhere people will be going back to multiple times in the night. Everyone will notice it on the way in, and if they remember/want to they can put in, otherwise it will be “out of sight, out of mind”

Its still a bit embaressing to have the box to begin with but its probably an easier solution that keeps everyone happy.

Yeah… I’m a people pleaser, I too am at the point of “who cares” with things Future Mother-In-Law or anyone else wants to do. As long as its not more work for me, I try to find something that makes everyone happy, or just give them their way 🙂 We only hit snags when its my Fiance that has a conflict with these people’s ideas.

Post # 13
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Wow. A honeymoon box is super tacky. It’s like saying to all your guests, “hey, I know you already got me a wedding gift, but I’d really like more money from you!” Sorry about all this. Try and talk to you Fiance and help make him understand why this isn’t a good idea and that money shouldn’t be an issue. If you end up having to have the damn thing there, just tell a few of your family and friends about this stupid box she they know it doesn’t reflect you on. That way, his mother gets to put her box up and your family and friends know you aren’t trying to get more from them. 

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