(Closed) FMIL upset about invites

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Tip: It’s not her wedding. 🙂

Is she helping pay for it significantly/at all? If so, yeah maybe she should have been included, but at the end of the day, who cares? She’s just being weird.

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs. Excited: If she’s not paying for the wedding, she’s not hosting.  Therefore, her name doesn’t belong on the invitation, plain as that.

In my case, everyone is paying.  Fi and I, my mom, my dad (they’re divorced), his mom (she’s widowed).  So the wording ended up being something like

my name

his name

together with their parents

invite you bla bla bla

Post # 5
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

As someone else said….it’s not her wedding.

 

 

We did include our FSIL’s parents on the invite after his name…..son of blah blah blah…….

that way “they” aren’t inviting to the wedding, it simply notes them.

 

Post # 6
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

His parents arent’ paying for a thing, however I think a lot of people they’re inviting wouldn’t recognize who the wedding was for without their names. Consequently

 

Mr and Mrs Beansys Parents

Invite you to the wedding of their Daughter

Beansy to Soon to Be Mr. Beansy

Son of two people, neither of whom are Beansy

Post # 7
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You can’t be upset with someone for the way they feel. I agree that you are totally justified in not including you FI’s parents’ names on the invites. (We have chosen the same thing!) However, part of making a decision like that is accepting how others will react to it. If her feelings are hurt, she’s allowed to feel that way, but you don’t have to accept her disrespecting you. To you feel like she’s being disrespectful, or just expressing her feelings?

If I were you, I would just let it roll off your back. It’s over and done with, and there’s no going back. If it’s something she wants to discuss, she should bring it up to you. And if she does, I would just say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. We didn’t make that choice to hurt you.” and leave it at that.

Post # 8
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

It’s too late to do anything about it now, so I would just try not to worry about things that can’t be changed.

Post # 9
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with 

View original reply
@artbee:. It can’t be change, so worry about it probably isn’t going to do much. She’ll get over it. 

Post # 11
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Whoa!  She personally asked them?!  Are they on the guest list and getting an invite?  Sorry her comments are bugging you, but it sounds like she’s hardly satisfied with much.  Like pp’s have said, ignore and do whatever you and Fiance want to do.  

Post # 12
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

hrmph…

“I presume I will at least get an invitation.”

Meow! That’s pretty catty. 

“I wasn’t trying to intentionally create an issue or hurt her feelings.  I just went with etiquette.” ~This is the point you made that indicates the Future Mother-In-Law is taking this personally, not you. However, it is possible that maybe she feels a little bit guilty because she can’t help out for (I imagine) financial reasons, which may be causing her to react more. If this is the case, then I do feel a little bit bad for her, mainly because my mother has been feeling guilty about not being able to help me out, and she can get a bit touchy about things because of this. I talked with her about it, and it turned out that she just felt really bad. She was really, really sorry that she could not help me out, and her “snapping” over things was her way of reacting to her own guilt.

it’s possible your Future Mother-In-Law is not aware of the fact that she’s doing this, but she might be feeling like this was a personal attack thing that you did to highlight to her and her friends/family that she wasn’t able to help pay for any of the wedding costs. You might be better off explaining to her that you were not doing it on purpose, that you are sorry if she interpreted it that way, and that the only reason you did not include her name was because you went with “what etiquette says”. This, of course, would be the high road, if you wanted to try and develop a good relationship with her in anyway for any reason.

You could also just go with the “too bad, too late” route, which would be justifiable because it feels good to snap back at someone who is acting irrationally. 

Post # 13
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

She seems irritating. I’d just ignore her – I’ve found (through attempting direct confrontation, through-the-grapevine confrontation, passive-aggressive behavior, etc) that my best bet for stupidity with F-ILs was to just ignore it.

Post # 15
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Its not her wedding.Be kind about it though.

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