Post # 1
I’m not to thrilled with my FMIL’s comment to my Fiance. Apparently she’s very upset that her name wasn’t on our wedding invites. I went with what etiquette says and just put my parents names since their helping me and Fiance pay for this wedding. I know I need to let it go, but I’m having issues. Any tips to let go?
Post # 3
Tip: It’s not her wedding. 🙂
Is she helping pay for it significantly/at all? If so, yeah maybe she should have been included, but at the end of the day, who cares? She’s just being weird.
Post # 4
@Mrs. Excited: If she’s not paying for the wedding, she’s not hosting. Therefore, her name doesn’t belong on the invitation, plain as that.
In my case, everyone is paying. Fi and I, my mom, my dad (they’re divorced), his mom (she’s widowed). So the wording ended up being something like
together with their parents
invite you bla bla bla
Post # 5
As someone else said….it’s not her wedding.
We did include our FSIL’s parents on the invite after his name…..son of blah blah blah…….
that way “they” aren’t inviting to the wedding, it simply notes them.
Post # 6
His parents arent’ paying for a thing, however I think a lot of people they’re inviting wouldn’t recognize who the wedding was for without their names. Consequently
Mr and Mrs Beansys Parents
Invite you to the wedding of their Daughter
Beansy to Soon to Be Mr. Beansy
Son of two people, neither of whom are Beansy
Post # 7
You can’t be upset with someone for the way they feel. I agree that you are totally justified in not including you FI’s parents’ names on the invites. (We have chosen the same thing!) However, part of making a decision like that is accepting how others will react to it. If her feelings are hurt, she’s allowed to feel that way, but you don’t have to accept her disrespecting you. To you feel like she’s being disrespectful, or just expressing her feelings?
If I were you, I would just let it roll off your back. It’s over and done with, and there’s no going back. If it’s something she wants to discuss, she should bring it up to you. And if she does, I would just say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. We didn’t make that choice to hurt you.” and leave it at that.
Post # 8
It’s too late to do anything about it now, so I would just try not to worry about things that can’t be changed.
Post # 9
I agree with @artbee:
. It can’t be change, so worry about it probably isn’t going to do much. She’ll get over it.
Post # 10
Thanks ladies….it is over and done with. I guess it just came out of left field for me, because I wasn’t trying to intentionally create an issue or hurt her feelings. I just went with etiquette.
Your totally right, I was upset with her expressing her feelings and that’s not very cool of me. But I do also feel like she’s disrespecting me too. She has a tendency to loose things we mail. So I hand delivered our save the dates and months later she says, “so when is this wedding…..I don’t know what’s going on….I presume I will at least get an invitation.” Here I had told her all about the plans and kept her in the loop and even invited her to my wedding dress shopping….which she didn’t come because she says I forgot to tell her! Even though I had confirmed the date, time, location and even included a map!! I told her our colors are purple….so she buys a red dress to wear! So she loses our mail….so with our wedding invites I sent her an email….just keep your eye out our invites should be arriving any sec! I’m proud of my invites I made them myself and I love them. I’m excited about getting the invites out. I feel like everything I’ve told her she’s popped my bubble. I tried to describe my dress and she FLIPPED on me when I told her it’s ivory! Comments like that have already hit below the belt for me. Plus when i was reaching out to see if she got it, she called my super busy Fiance to bitch him out about her name not being on the invite and still hasn’t called me back.
Plus she’s not helping with the wedding at all. She says she doesn’t have the money and is pissed that her ex, my Fiance, dad isn’t helping either. Meanwhile they’ve been on 3 vacations since April and are looking at putting in a $20K kitchen. Oh and she’s talked all of her family into coming to this wedding when my Fiance hasn’t seen these people in 13 years and we told her we were banking on them not coming, because they never do….she went out of her way to call all these people and personally ask them to come!
Post # 11
Whoa! She personally asked them?! Are they on the guest list and getting an invite? Sorry her comments are bugging you, but it sounds like she’s hardly satisfied with much. Like pp’s have said, ignore and do whatever you and Fiance want to do.
Post # 12
“I presume I will at least get an invitation.”
Meow! That’s pretty catty.
“I wasn’t trying to intentionally create an issue or hurt her feelings. I just went with etiquette.” ~This is the point you made that indicates the Future Mother-In-Law is taking this personally, not you. However, it is possible that maybe she feels a little bit guilty because she can’t help out for (I imagine) financial reasons, which may be causing her to react more. If this is the case, then I do feel a little bit bad for her, mainly because my mother has been feeling guilty about not being able to help me out, and she can get a bit touchy about things because of this. I talked with her about it, and it turned out that she just felt really bad. She was really, really sorry that she could not help me out, and her “snapping” over things was her way of reacting to her own guilt.
it’s possible your Future Mother-In-Law is not aware of the fact that she’s doing this, but she might be feeling like this was a personal attack thing that you did to highlight to her and her friends/family that she wasn’t able to help pay for any of the wedding costs. You might be better off explaining to her that you were not doing it on purpose, that you are sorry if she interpreted it that way, and that the only reason you did not include her name was because you went with “what etiquette says”. This, of course, would be the high road, if you wanted to try and develop a good relationship with her in anyway for any reason.
You could also just go with the “too bad, too late” route, which would be justifiable because it feels good to snap back at someone who is acting irrationally.
Post # 13
She seems irritating. I’d just ignore her – I’ve found (through attempting direct confrontation, through-the-grapevine confrontation, passive-aggressive behavior, etc) that my best bet for stupidity with F-ILs was to just ignore it.
Post # 14
Yeah….she called all of them and asked them to come for her! I guess I forgot to tell you that!
LOL about your Catty comment. That was nicely put. Maybe she is feeling guilty. I sometimes feel like she’s purposely trying to derail things, but maybe it is just something bugging her that has nothing to do with something me or my FI’s done.
Thanks! I prefer to try and talk things out, but I think your right about this one. I’ll just try and let everything go.
Post # 15
Its not her wedding.Be kind about it though.