(Closed) FMIL using your relationship as ammo?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 17
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Ah what a wonderful thread as I prepare to visit my FMILs house to spend a night this week. She also feels as though SOs love and attention is a competition with us. She is very passive aggressive- one minute saying how she loves me and the next ignoring me except for snide comments she whispers as she leaves the room. No help for you honestly except I’m sorry you will never have the relationship you were hoping for with her and there are many women who feel your pain. Limit contact as much as possible and grin and bear it when necessary is the approach I’ve now taken :/

As for her closeness to other female friends of his? Well of course she likes them because she knows he will “choose her” over them. She needs to be the alpha female and all important woman in his life and she can’t except that she’s not anymore. She’s just soothing her wounded ego so don’t let her get to you. Just enjoy that your mother truly likes your SO and that you both have a good relationship with her.

Post # 19
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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hnnhkrk:  I’ve noticed that she finds a way to hurt her kids on major holidays and their birthdays. It’s a talent.

 The kicker is the other DIL and Fi’s brother are trying to defend her, not realizing the horrible things she says about them. Fiance doesn’t want to tell his little brother because he doesn’t want him to be hurt. I stay out of it because it’s his business how he handles his family, so long as we are united on the big issues and it doesn’t come between us.


Post # 20
6516 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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hnnhkrk:  ughh, i went through that. I went through the gotta love her and support her anyway, but you know what, at some point somethings gotta give! 

my mom was also a single parent, my father died when i was 13. So yes its hard. But dont make me feel bad about it.

for me, i got to a point where i was sick of the guilt trips, and i accepted that shes never going to change, and it made it that muh easier to og ore her bullshit. When she starts with her crap, i pull away for a few days untl she forgets about it. 

I know it sucks bc my DH is in your shoes, but he knows her antics, and just doesnt take it personal bc he knows she is irrational. 

Post # 23
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Sheesh, you Future Mother-In-Law sounds a lot like mine & for that, I am sorry haha. I basically told my husband that I don’t have a real desire to be around her unless it’s like a family birthday or something like that. He can go have a random lunch with her whenever he wants ..but by himself. He respects that because he knows his mom is bathshit crazy too!!

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