(Closed) FMIL… VENT

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would guess that perhaps she’s feeling replaced by you, and is having difficulty letting go of her son.  Perhaps you could proactively set up a few luncheon or dinner dates with the three of you a few times a month, that way she gets time with her son and doesn’t feel excluded.

Post # 5
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Even if she is feeling replaced by you, what adult takes his MOTHER to his work event?! That’s nuts… your Fiance needs to talk to her about it. Assure her that she’ll still be a part of his life, but that you and he are going to be starting a new family and it’s important you do things together by yourselves.

Post # 7
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It seems like your Fiance never set boundaries before. He needs to do so now. That is so weird.

Post # 8
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Because I have a big mouth, I would straight up tell her, “You are his mother, you raised him, you’ve done a wonderful job – thank you for that, he is the man of my dreams. We love you, but we are getting married. I will be his wife. You are his mother. It is not your job to accompany him on dates or work related activities. Cut the cord, crazy woman.” OK, maybe leave out the last part. But seriously, your fiance needs to let her know there are boundaries. Good luck with this!


Post # 10
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@alyssaC:  Him saying that to you does NOTHING! She will not get over it just like that. He needs to talk to her. My ex husband NEVER told his mother to back off(we lived with them) and look where we are now – in the middle of a divorce. Like someone said, she probably does feel replaced by you, but you should be number 1 in his life right now. Like I said, he NEEDS to talk to her alone and if you don’t notice change, you three should sit down and talk about it.

I honestly just don’t understand what it is with MIL’s?! Ugh!

Post # 11
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So creepy!!!!  She needs to go out on a date with her own man asap.

Post # 12
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@alyssaC:  None of that seems emotionally healthy. Your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t seem to have a life of her own so she’s intruding into yours. This will only get worst.

I would advise you to talk to your Fiance and tell him this needs to stop. Keeping her company is one thing; a threesome is totally different. Encourage her to get her own life – join a club, go to church activities, take a class, volunteer, something. But I wouldn’t continue to be her everything.

 I would also let your Fiance be the one to set boundaries. He’s her son; he’s the one she’s unhealthily attached too. What you could do is learn to be ok with her being mad at you. For a lot of women, me first and foremost, having someone upset with you is a hard thing to cope with. We want everyone to get along but that’s not always possible. We can’t make everybody happy all the time. Someone once told me “You can’t be their God.” Ouch. It hurt but they were right. Just know when people are mad with you, it’s their chance to build on their coping skills and that buildup their resiliency. Thinking about it that way helps me a lot.

Post # 13
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Does she realize she’s his mother not his SO/FI/DW? She is being really creepy wanting to tag along on dates & go to his holiday party. He needs to tell her basically what @xlsm said above or it will just get worse the more you get in to wedding planning, she’ll be wondering why she can’t pick out gifts for your registry and trying on wedding dresses right beside you.

Post # 14
31 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

@alyssaC:  My fiance’s mother does similar things, although she is not nearly as creepy. She just tries to plan everything so that it is a family event instead of a date, just the two of us thing. Like she will get angry if we go out to eat when we could be eating with the family. Or she will ask what we are doing, we tell her, and then she say “No, this is what you need to do instead…stay home with us or lets all go out and do something…” Ugh.

Anyways, your fiance definitely needs to set boundaries. He needs to tell her that YOU are the main woman in his life. He is NOT a little boy anymore that tags along with her. She definitely wont like it, but your situation seems like a huge trainwreck just waiting to happen. 

When y’all are actually married, you certainly aren’t going to want her coming over every night to watch movies and cuddle on the couch with you two. Awkward and annoying. The two of you need to establish yourselves as a unit separate from her now, before the situation gets out of hand.

It sounds to me like your fiance lives with his mom. If this is true, I would have him start looking for an apartment ASAP. This is the situation that i’m in and he is going to have to get out of his crazy parent’s house before one of us loses it. Having your own space with no overbearing in-laws has to be wonderful.

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