(Closed) FMIL vent!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I could go either way on that – it could be total cluelessness on her part, depending on her personality. Since no one actually told her not to do teal, maybe she assumed she was supposed to coordinate with your mom? And that if it’s part black that’s not the same as it being all black. 

Honestly, I know you must be annoyed, but I think I would put this in the ‘choose your battles’ category. In the long run, at least she’s not wearing something horribly inappropriate or something that will clash to high heaven in the pictures. Probably better to start off on the right foot with the woman who will be a part of your family after you get married.

Post # 4
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You know, my Future Mother-In-Law also asked me if she should match my mom…so maybe it’s not as apparent to some people.  I would also assume that you know that the two mother’s do NOT need to match, but since she asked me too, maybe it’s not.

 

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think this is too big of a deal. Maybe she really thinks black is a good color on her. Is she older? Many older women are very “black is chic” about it. I think she’ll look nice and while she’ll match your mom, it’s not like she went out and bought a solid black dress or a solid teal dress. Did she think she was supposed to match? My mom originally thought this before I had to correct her. Is the the kind of person who would do this to be mean or vindictive? If not, I”d definitely just let it slide b/c it’s probably small potatoes in the end

Post # 7
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

maybe your Future Mother-In-Law is doing this pruposely to get on your nerves!  I know it must suck, but at this point I would just let her do her own thing.  She doesn’t seem to listen and she probably wants all the attention. 

Is there any way that maybe your mom can change the color of her dress?  I only say this because you wanted them to wear different colors and since your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t budging maybe you can change your Mom’s.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I was wondering too, if there was another color your mom loves as much?  What does FMIL’s dress look like?  Is it pretty?  I don’t think black is bad for weddings, anymore.  Honestly, I’m not picturing her black and teal dress looking as nice as your mother’s all teal dress.  If that is the case, who gives a darn?  The most important thing is that your mom looks better 😉

Post # 9
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Let’s try to believe that she thinks the Mother-In-Law and MOB should match. If that’s true, her feelings would be terribly hurt if you said anything to her. I think the gracious thing to do is gently explain the situation to your mother – without casting too much blame – to give her the option of deciding she wishes to change her dress. Talking to your Future Mother-In-Law will only cause hurt and trouble.

Post # 10
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

As a MOB I really think she ws trying to match. I’d let it go and let her wear it. Really it doesn’t matter. You already talked her out of black..she is doing a compromise.  Smile it will be fine!

Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL

Awww, I can understand your disgruntlement!! Your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t sound like a joy… but definitely look on the bright side – that your family portraits will look good and their dresses will complement each other instead of clash! Can you imaging if she found another color that just looked AWFUL with the teal?

Traditionally the MOB picks her outfit first, and then the Future Mother-In-Law will try to find something complementary…

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I say let it go. Not that I don’t see where you are coming from but I had some similiar issues with my FMIL and in the end, more drama ensued than ever needed to. You will hardly have any pictures with her and will be so busy and happy at your wedding that you won’t even notice her that day. Looking back, I can’t beleive I even cared for a second what my Future Mother-In-Law wore. I promise you, this is a small issue to best leave alone.

Post # 13
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

Whevener she does something stupid or nasty like this, just remind yourself that you will be the gatekeeper to her future grandchildren.

If I were you, I would ask her to exchange the dress for different colors.  If she doesn’t I would call this decision “Strike One” on her part.

If she keeps being nasty to you, she doesn’t to see the kids.  Period.

Besides, it’s bad parenting to let kids see you being treated like dirt and you being a spineless wimp about it.

You will be so happy on your wedding day, you probably won’t notice as much as you think.  Just give your Mum a heads up so she can add beautiful color in the form of a belt, scarf, jacket, etc.

Have fun!

Post # 14
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

That is annoying! Here on wedding bee we allow you to assume the absolute worst of her. Vent away!

But I think this may be a ‘pick your battles’ type situation. She will be in a few pictures, yes. But ultimately what she is wearing has very little impact on your day.  

Post # 16
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think its a big deal hey at least its not all black or worse yet white.

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