(Closed) FMIL vs BFF guest list drama…please advise!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, fight her. You should definitely get say on who is at your wedding (regardless of who’s paying) and if you feel this strongly about it, you shouldn’t back down. Maybe your FH can help back you up?

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Seaside:  If I were in your postion, I would tell your Mother-In-Law again he is NOT invited and them call Joe’s mother and let her know he is not invited. You don’t even have to get rude. Just say, “I’m glad you are coming but there is someone there who will be very uncomfortable with Joe’s presence and it would be best if he was not present”

Have a Day of Coordinator with a list for you wedding to turn him away at the door if he shows up

Post # 5
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I would fight for my BFF.  I would be willing to give up whatever she was contributing, even if that meant I was changing from a 400 person gala, to a backyard BBQ for 25. 

At the same time, you are about to bond yourself to these people for life, so I don’t think anyone can really fault you for wanting to have a harmonious relationship.  What does BFF say about his potential attendance?

Post # 6
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

I would stand up for my friend and make sure he’s not invited. However, your Future Mother-In-Law should be listening to you on this point because you said that he has always been rude to you. Why does she want to invite someone to her son’s wedding who will be rude to the bride and make others uncomfortable? If you have to use that angle, I would. While I don’t normally buy into the idea that everything the bride wants, the bride gets because it’s all about her, inviting people who have a history of being disrespectful to the couple is in poor taste in any situation.

Post # 7
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

He probably is excited because he knows your friend will be there. Definately do not invite him. All his presence will do is cause trouble and make your friend uncomfortable.

Post # 8
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would fight Mother-In-Law.  It is one thing to invite a ton of random guests, but another to invite an enemy.

Post # 10
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Seaside:  I’m sorry but he nor his new gf are not welcome. Mother-In-Law needs to know this NOW and either she or you needs to call her mother and tell her immediately

Post # 11
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

It didn’t sound to me like Mother-In-Law actually disagreed with you, just that she didn’t want to have an awkward encounter between her and her friend about the behavior of her son. Maybe if you offer to be the ‘bad guy’ and talk to the mom or ex directly it’ll be okay? It sounds like this guy just wants to show off that he’s dating someone anyway, I’m not sure why else he would want to go to the wedding of people he’s been rude to in the past.

That is all super awkward, I hope it works out!

Post # 12
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldn’t just let this go. You’ve already given Mother-In-Law enough leeway by allowing her to invite random strangers. Just tell her in no uncertain terms that he’s not invited and if she doesn’t make that clear to his family then you will call and them he’s not inivted.

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@msfahrenheit:  <- This.  Fight for your BFF.  Make sure your Fiance is on your side on this, because you don’t want to cause trouble with him, but offer to be the bad guy.  They can put it down to Bridezilla fever, but losing face a little bit is worth it for your BFF I think.

ETA: Did he receive a formal invite?  If not, he’s not officially invited yet anyway, no matter what your Future Mother-In-Law said.  If this was your ex, there’d be no question about him coming.  I think that because your BFF is going to play such a vital role in the wedding, it’s more than acceptable to say the situations are equivalent and he just can’t come.

Post # 14
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with other posters, that this is an issue you need to take a stand on.  You are already compromising on other additions to the guest list as per her wishes, but this is one person that should not be invited.  Perhaps, (if not already) an explanation to her as to why he is not welcome will help her understand? But even if she doesn’t agree, I think you should still put your foot down on this one.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yikes, this guy has no business at your wedding. Have your Fiance do the talking with his mom and tell her he is not welcome. I’m of the mindset that regardless of who is paying, people who disrespect you or the people you love have no business being at your wedding. 

Post # 16
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you should word the invite so that its only the mom and her plus one. No invite for Joe!

You would want your BFF to stand up for you in a situation like this, and its only right that you do the same for her. 

Tell your Future Mother-In-Law calmly and firmly that you don’t mind who she invites but this is one guest that you’re going to have to do without. Be honest, explain why. She will appreciate that you are a strong woman standing up for yourself and your friend (if she is at all reasonable!)

 

Remember, in the end (even if she is paying for half) it’s still YOUR DAY! You don’t want unneccesary drama!

 

Be strong and good luck!!!

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