(Closed) FMIL want dress out of budget.

posted 10 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be up front and honest with her. I would say that you feel uncomfortable trying on things that are beyond your budget and that you will only be trying dresses that are within your price range. Then I would do some internet research or even make calls to boutiques to get a feel for which ones are going to carry dresses that you can afford. After you know of a few names then I would let your Future Mother-In-Law know that you would really like to go to places X, Y and Z.

Post # 4
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Depending on how you feel about used dresses….  I’m comfortable looking at dresses that retail outside of my price range because I then go look for them second hand.  That’s not to say it’s without risk.  I really liked one dress but haven’t been able to find one used.  I think it definitely depends on your personality and the way you become attached to things.  Then again I haven’t fallen in love with a dress period, so maybe you shouldn’t take my word for it.  🙂 

Post # 5
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

I would have honest talk with her, as other girls suggested. Also, how far outside your budget are the dresses that she wants you to try ? Are we talking $1,000 vs. $1,500 or $1,000 vs $5,000 ? You can always get the dress during the trunk show, as sample or "second-hand" if the price difference is not that big, but I agree, if the price difference is too big, there is just no point in falling in love with a dress you can’t have. Unless she wants to pay for it ?

Post # 6
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

caitlanc has a point about used dresses. Do you think you can be strong if she pushes you to purchase? How will you feel if she offers to chip in or pay for it herself? These are all possibilities you should think about, especially since you say you are excited about having a girls day. To me, I think it would be worth putting up with her pushiness to have that bonding time. Just make sure you can say "no" and know in advance what you’ll say if she wants to contribute.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I get the vibe she’s gonna end up helping you pay for it.  I agree with caitlanc, are you likely to get absolutely obsessed with one dress and not be able to enjoy further shopping if it’s too expensive???

Post # 8
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I am totally with iHeart.  You seem to really dig her.  You told her you can’t afford these dresses.  Yet she wants you to fly down to Texas to try these dresses on anyway?  Do it.  I just think she’s going to buy.  (and even if she doesn’t, it sounds like sweet bonding experience.)  She probably wants to  somehow surprise you with it.  It’s not as special if she just tells you on the phone that she wants to buy.  (Not to mention she might want to make sure that she stays within her limits too.  Not that you’d take advantage of her.  But there  could be miscommunications where she’s thinking $3000, and you fall in love with a $5000 dress.) 

Have fun!

Post # 9
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Mmmm i have issues with the Future Mother-In-Law helping you buy YOUR wedding dress. It may make your mother feel like she is being upstaged! While it may be a generous offer, I think it would really make my mother feel bad knowing that my fiance’s mom plopped down her credit card for something she couldn’t afford, as if she was waving her money around blatantly. But if your mother wants nothing to do with it, I don’t know. Feel her out first. That being said, my budget was $500 for a dress and I went to this insanely expensive couture store with my parents and tried on $5000+ dresses just for fun. Because they were ludicrously expensive, I couldn’t possibly have my heart broken because they weren’t even CLOSE to my budget! I had fun prancing around in pricey designer dresses pretending to be some rich princess, then came back down to Earth as soon as I walked out of there. The veil I tried on was $500, the tiara $300+, etc. Holy smokes!

Post # 10
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

I agree with Tanya.  It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law might be wanting to pitch in for the dress if not pay for the entire thing since you’ve already told her that you can’t afford such dresses and she remains insistent.  Regardless, I think it’ll be a great bonding experience for you two.  Even if you fall in love with a dress you’ve tried on, just stay focused and state that it’s not in your price range.  On the plus side, you now know the type of dress you like, even love and you may be able to find it at some sample sales, consignment shops, or online at a website like preownedweddingdresses.com.  I say go for it and enjoy the great Dallas weather!

Post # 11
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Go, have fun!  Drink the champagne!  You won’t get this chance ever again.  I tried on lots of dresses that were WAY outside of my budget.  It was so much fun!  Even if it causes some heartbreak what a great bonding experience.  Plus, when I went back to look at dresses in my budget, I knew what was quality and what was crap.

Post # 12
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m the type who wouldn’t enjoy being tempted by dresses that were far beyond my means. I’d be almost certain to fall in love with one and then be both frustrated and unable to get excited about anything else I found. If your Future Mother-In-Law just wants to be part of the experience with you, she probably only chose a high end salon that carries pricey dersses because she wants to treat you to a nice day. I doubt she has any clue what the price range for the salon’s gowns were if she hasn’t planned a wedding lately.

Could you tell her that you’d love to go dress shopping together, but you’d be more comfortable going somewhere that carries dresses closer to your price range (and suggest a place)? It could be a good compromise. 🙂

I hope that helps! Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I get the idea that she wants to contribute as well.  I tried on dresses outside my range, but with the strict self understanding that there was no way I was going to violate my budget.  I stuck to it and learned a lot from trying on Vera Wang.  I still love her so!  But it really wasn’t hard to try it on, love it, and leave it.  I guess it depends on your personality… and you know you best!

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