Post # 1
So, over the weekend we actually went to a wedding along with future in-law’s. This naturally prompted some discussion over our wedding coming up next year. Basically we have a tight budget and can only invite a certain amount of people. We have already increased that amount to 200 but were hoping that only 150 – 175ish show up. That being said Future Mother-In-Law produced us with a list last week of people she wanted to invite which was almost 80 people (not including children) including cousins, 2nd cousins, ect. I mentioned that I want to limit the amount of children we invite basically saying that we can’t afford to have cousins, 2nd cousins, & 3rd cousins, as well as their children. She just gave me a look and said “well that’s going to be a problem none of them will come”. I’m not completely against children coming the wedding (my own daughter is the flower girl….lol) I just figure a good compromise is to invite the cousins but not their four children because we really don’t have the money to extend the guest list (He has a few cousins with 4+ children!!). My father is paying for the majority of the wedding and basically I will have to cut out some of his friends and family to allow these children to the wedding. I originally didn’t want any children except the flower girl and RB but that was me being a little stupid. Not to mention I have never ever met these cousins to begin with let alone their children. I mean we have to make the cut somewhere i’m already sacraficing on things like my flowers so that we can have a larger guest list. I’m just looking for ways to make sure this wedding doesn’t end up a fight. So any advice would be appreciated!
Post # 3
I think you’re being perfectly reasonable. You don’t even know the children. If it is important enough to the cousins to attend, then they’ll attend. We did invite cousins’ children, but we don’t have many children to invite in the first place, and now all the cousins are attending without their children hah.
I think the main issue is being firm about the guest list. You have increased to 200 people, and you can tell your Future Mother-In-Law that while you wish that everyone could attend, your guest list is already very full. Try to be diplomatic about it, but be firm.
And…your Fiance should be helping you with this. Pare down the list she gave you with her to MUST haves. Adding yet another 80 people is not acceptable. I had to do this with my Future Mother-In-Law, and since I had FI’s backing, we got the list down to a reasonable size. Sorry though…I know how much guest lists suck, but once it’s decided, then you move on.
Post # 4
The only thing I can tell you is that this happened to us, also. Just like you, my family was paying for the wedding, not the in-laws. So we basically had to stick to our guns. She was angry, but oh well!
Not sure if that helps but I completely understand your position.
Of course, you can always tell her all the children will cost X amount and if she would like to offer that to you, you will be happy to invite them. That didn’t work for us, lol
Post # 5
Who is ever the host of the event gets to set the guest list. If you don’t want to have children, then you shouldn’t have to have children. If they won’t come, then you will be able to acheive your 150 goal easier.
Guests can accept the invite or not, that is for them to decide.
Of course family politics come into play. One way to divide it up is to give her a max. number of guests she can invite for her side, and she can give those invites to whomever she likes.
Post # 6
We are currently in this battle as well as my Fiance has TONS of cousins (small, under 18).
One of his other cousins got married last year and made it clear that children were not invited. Much of the family was greatly offended and some didn’t come because they claimed they had to stay home with the children. We decided that in order to preseve the peace we would invite the children (as the backlash from that wedding is still on-going).
However, it is your decision. If you genuinely cannot afford the extra food etc then don’t invite them…all up to you. If for any reason you can squeeze the budget I say allow it, for the sake of avoiding the headache and drama.
Post # 7
In the back of my mind I was actually thinking “yay, maybe they won’t come then” lol. She also had other weird invite requests like FI’s brothers friend from high school & his parents who i’ve also never met. I mean c’mon whose wedding is this anyway? lol
Post # 8
You should let your Fiance explain this to your mother, you shouldnt have to deal with her refusing to understand this
Post # 9
I would also have your fi deal with this, it’s his family. I think that it’s fine to say that you just don’t have the budget for it, and if she wants more people she’ll have to pay.
Post # 9
I’d seriousy consider just putting your foot down about the kids. You’re not being silly, it’s a valid concern!
Stay strong. Don’t let her push you to do something that doesn’t work for you.
Post # 10
i would def let your Fiance handle this – i was in a similar situation – my husband is one of 13 kids! his mom is one of 15 and his dad is one of 12! Catholics! ha – but each of their brothers and sisters have an average of 6 kids. I had to make the no kids rule (besides siblings – his youngest sister is 7) or else i would be completely broke. I got lucky in the fact that our wedding was in february and not around a holiday – all the kids were in school! yay! – but i did not feel comfortable making that request so i made my husband talk to his parents and pass the word along. we ended up with some kids anyway and that was fine, i have nohing against kids, but had i let everyone bring their kids i would have had more kids than adults at my wedding.