(Closed) FMIL wants children invited and I do not!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you’re being perfectly reasonable.  You don’t even know the children.  If it is important enough to the cousins to attend, then they’ll attend.  We did invite cousins’ children, but we don’t have many children to invite in the first place, and now all the cousins are attending without their children hah. 

I think the main issue is being firm about the guest list.  You have increased to 200 people, and you can tell your Future Mother-In-Law that while you wish that everyone could attend, your guest list is already very full.  Try to be diplomatic about it, but be firm. 

And…your Fiance should be helping you with this.  Pare down the list she gave you with her to MUST haves.  Adding yet another 80 people is not acceptable.  I had to do this with my Future Mother-In-Law, and since I had FI’s backing, we got the list down to a reasonable size.  Sorry though…I know how much guest lists suck, but once it’s decided, then you move on. 

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The only thing I can tell you is that this happened to us, also. Just like you, my family was paying for the wedding, not the in-laws. So we basically had to stick to our guns. She was angry, but oh well!

Not sure if that helps but I completely understand your position.

Of course, you can always tell her all the children will cost X amount and if she would like to offer that to you, you will be happy to invite them. That didn’t work for us, lol

Post # 5
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee

Who is ever the host of the event gets to set the guest list. If you don’t want to have children, then you shouldn’t have to have children.  If they won’t come, then you will be able to acheive your 150 goal easier.

Guests can accept the invite or not, that is for them to decide. 

Of course family politics come into play.  One way to divide it up is to give her a max. number of guests she can invite for her side, and she can give those invites to whomever she likes.

Post # 6
Hostess
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

We are currently in this battle as well as my Fiance has TONS of cousins (small, under 18).

One of his other cousins got married last year and made it clear that children were not invited. Much of the family was greatly offended and some didn’t come because they claimed they had to stay home with the children. We decided that in order to preseve the peace we would invite the children (as the backlash from that wedding is still on-going).

However, it is your decision. If you genuinely cannot afford the extra food etc then don’t invite them…all up to you. If for any reason you can squeeze the budget I say allow it, for the sake of avoiding the headache and drama.

Post # 8
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You should let your Fiance explain this to your mother, you shouldnt have to deal with her refusing to understand this

Post # 9
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would also have your fi deal with this, it’s his family. I think that it’s fine to say that you just don’t have the budget for it, and if she wants more people she’ll have to pay.

Post # 9
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’d seriousy consider just putting your foot down about the kids.  You’re not being silly, it’s a valid concern! 

Stay strong. Don’t let her push you to do something that doesn’t work for you.

Post # 10
Member
6995 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i would def let your Fiance handle this – i was in a similar situation – my husband is one of 13 kids! his mom is one of 15 and his dad is one of 12! Catholics! ha – but each of their brothers and sisters have an average of 6 kids. I had to make the no kids rule (besides siblings – his youngest sister is 7) or else i would be completely broke. I got lucky in the fact that our wedding was in february and not around a holiday – all the kids were in school! yay! – but i did not feel comfortable making that request so i made my husband talk to his parents and pass the word along. we ended up with some kids anyway and that was fine, i have nohing against kids, but had i let everyone bring their kids i would have had more kids than adults at my wedding.

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