(Closed) FMIL wants to get ready with me

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

jalapenocupcake:  Having someone else run interference with a Mother-In-Law does not always work, I mean it’s a nice suggestion but for MILs with no boundaries it’s not realistic.  At my friend’s wedding and rehearsal, her day of coordinator said that she would do this but the Mother-In-Law managed to get a few words in anyway when the coordinator was naturally busy doing other things.  If a Mother-In-Law wants to humiliate her DIL, she will find a way but no need to make it easier for her on such an important day in the DIL’s life.

Post # 62
Member
8559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Beegritte:  You missed the point entirely. Nothing to  do with vaginas for heavens sake, I merely asked about the awkwardness of Future Mother-In-Law and the  guys, no way  suggesting the OP had to do it instead .  I do wish people would think before jumping into putdowns .

Post # 63
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My Mother-In-Law and my SIL joined us in the morning and got their hair done before getting ready at the hotel room.  It was really nice to have them share the morning with me but I have a great relationship with them.  

 

is is there a part of the getting ready they could join in for? 

Post # 64
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

that is creepy.

Post # 66
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I hope my Future Mother-In-Law does not ask this! I want to get ready with my sisters and my Mum with my Dad joining us once our hair/makeup is done (1hr from the venue) and we’ll head to my parents hotel room where my Dad will hang with his parents while we dress then do first look with my Dad 🙂 (10min from venue) I’d hope Future Mother-In-Law gets ready with Future Father-In-Law and then go meet Fiance and groomsmen.

If she did ask, she would have to drive from the venue an hour to us then an hour back so it would be very impractical, and I’d just have to say a firm no! (This woman made me cry on the day we got engaged and the day we moved into the house we bought so I do not want her making me cry on my wedding day!) sad thing is we got on really well, really well for years, then we got engaged and she just became so rude and controllinf. Sigh. 

Post # 67
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

Oh boy.

 

Step 1: Lift foot.

Step 2: PUT IT DOWN….HARD!!!

 

I would tell Fiance that to you this IS a big deal, it is symbolically the last time you will be on your own, with your close loved ones helping you prepare for your new life. She is part of your new life, your new extended family, not your current one. Maybe say you feel it is even a bit of a bad luck type of deal, you wouldn’t want your groom seeing you so why would you want his mother there.

It would be one thing if you invited her, but to force this on you is just plain selfish. Remember one thing you are the bride and whatever happens on the day no one can take that from you.

She’s not wanting to come on the honeymoon is she?

Post # 68
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My Mother-In-Law came and got her hair and makeup done with me and my bridesmaids. She’s an awesome woman though and kind of stayed to the side and let me enjoy my friends. I am tempted to say no, because you don’t want to reinforce that she can slam and cry and get what she wants…but at the same time, if you’re all just going to be in a room hanging out would there be a harm in having her? Its up to you it’s your day. You can say, I want to have a moment with my bridesmaids. Oy, this is a tough one. 

Post # 69
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

brethebride052116:  I would say because she is overly dramatic and there is already tension- I would not have her get ready. It is YOUR day do you really want to have to deal with unecessary drama? I wouldn’t!

I invited my Mother-In-Law but she declined- but we have an OK relationship. She got ready with her sisters. Maybbeeee if there is someone she is close with you can ‘surprise’ her with like a gift certificate for them to get their hair done at the hotel salon or something…IDK your in a tough spot but I wouldnt want her there either if I were you!!

Post # 70
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

I don’t get along with my Future Mother-In-Law so I wouldnt’ want her there. That time is for me, my bridesmaids and my mother. I wouldn’t feel right making MY mom have to share that special time for the two of us (and my nearest and dearest) in order to avoid hurting my FMIL’s feelings. Now, my Future Mother-In-Law has her own children, so as far as I’m concerned, you get to be involved with YOUR kids getting ready at those weddings. 

Bottom line for me is that its YOUR wedding. If you don’t want her there, dont’ have her there. Respectfully tell her that its important to you to share that time with your mom and BMs. If she makes a fuss further, cut the conversation off. You’re an adult and you’re entitled to make your own choices.

Post # 71
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I will be getting ready with my BMs, my mom, and my Mother-In-Law the day of.

Post # 72
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

If you decide to get ready alone, perhaps there’s still a way to do something special for/with her. 

 

I’m not planning on having a bridal party, so I plan to get ready with just my best friend; after my hair and makeup is done and the dress is on, I’m going to do a “First Look” for my Future Mother-In-Law and my mother. It’s a very special moment for them, and I get to keep my privacy/solitude. 

Post # 73
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Now my Future Mother-In-Law is not invited to the wedding so take this with a grain of salt, however I would obviously say no. However no matter how much or little you get on, if you don’t want someone there don’t let them. Easier said than done, but a simple no would suffice. No need to explain yourself

Post # 74
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I know you’ve gotten a lot of opinions already but I just wanted to say that I would invite her exclusively for hair and makeup and then she can leave. I feel like thats not a huge deal, I mean she sits there, gets to be involved and goes.

I know I’ve felt a little left out when everyone went to the salon and had mimosas and only asked me the night of the rehearsal if I wanted to join. Plus, at least for me, not having to worry about your hair is a huge stress relief.

Post # 75
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m glad that nothing like this ever came up with my Mother-In-Law. No way would I have wanted to get ready with her. She’s a nice lady, and we get along fine, but I got ready with my parents and bridesmaids (one of whom is my cousin, the other was the closest thing to a sister I had), and it was a really special, relaxing morning for all of us. Having Mother-In-Law there would just have been awkward, and ruined my special time with my family. If I were you I would just tell your Future Mother-In-Law no. It might hurt her feelings a bit, but it is your wedding, and you really want to be relaxed and not have any added stress when you are getting ready.

My Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law got ready with my husband and his groomsmen (one was my BIL) at his house. It was a special time for them just like my morning was a special time for me and my family. 

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