(Closed) FMIL wants to have a meal for her family at my venue before the ceremony!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

while she sounds like a spoiled brat, i disagree with you.  you CAN prevent her from ruining your day- just decide ahead of time that no matter what she does, you are marrying your wonderful fiance and let anything negative she has to say roll off you.  soon she will realize her temper tantrums aren’t working to get your attention.  you might have to coach your hubbie to be on this too before the wedding.

Post # 3
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

while she sounds like a spoiled brat, i disagree with you.  you CAN prevent her from ruining your day- just decide ahead of time that no matter what she does, you are marrying your wonderful fiance and let anything negative she has to say roll off you.  soon she will realize her temper tantrums aren’t working to get your attention.  you might have to coach your hubbie to be on this too before the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since you’re paying for the wedding, it would be more than ok to let your Future Mother-In-Law know that you need to use that space before the ceremony and she can hold her dinner somewhere else. If she was paying for the space, that would be another issue completely. As for her acting like a child, I know how difficult this is. Just do the best you can to not let it bother you (which I get is so much easier said that done). You’ll be dealing with this woman for a long time to come and the sooner you can brush aside her behavior the better (I’m still learning how to do this with my own mother so I understand how tough it is). Stick to your guns and don’t let her tantrums upset you.

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You’re kind of both spoiled brats. 🙂

She sounds like a real pain the behind, but you don’t really sound like you are handling it in the most mature fashion. Saying things like “over my dead body”, over a space that you do not own, sounds like maybe you did not handle it the way you should have, which would be to sit down and tell her that you really would feel terribly disappointed if she did that, and can you help her find a different place nearby?

Be the mature one if she isn’t going to be. And remember that she is part of your family now. So, you have to learn how to deal with her and not throw a fit over her attitude, because then your poor husband has two women with attitudes to deal with. LOL

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have a son who is nearly two, and when he throws tantrums,I say things like ‘no can do.’ ‘sorry, but it just doesn’t work like that.’ or ‘i don’t negotiate with terrorists.’ Don’t fight with her, don’t give in to her, just think to yourself ‘it is how it is, brats never stop throwing their weight around if you pander to them.’ Be firm, not stubborn, and assertive, not defensive or aggressive.

As for your manner, I would suggest maybe saying things along the lines of ‘oh sorry, no, we can’t do that there (not you can’t), but there is a restaurant nearby that you might be able to take them to?’ If you say ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ it may not trigger that automatic resistance some people have, and if you suggest an alternative then you are not just shutting her out and hopefully it won’t pave the way for future problems. And what I would DEFINITELY do is speak to your fiance about it and make sure that he is on board with you and will back you up.

Don’t let it frustrate you, or ruin your special day! Stand your ground and she will learn to respect your boundaries. She’ll have to. Otherwise, you will have a battle of wills with her forever… start as you mean to go on.

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