(Closed) FMIL wants to invite people I dont know

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

I had same issues, we all just finally sat down together and discussed the guest list, the budget, etc…it all ended up working out, and you have to expect some of the guests who attend are people you will be meeting for the first time. Just explain you need to keep on budget, and that family and close friends are going to be priority, and if seats available then will add B listers accordingly.

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We also had a smaller wedding, 90 people, and I expected them to have people that I’ve never met. They want to celebrate with their good friends just like my parents wanted to invite theirs. I felt like if they were close enough to my husband’s family that they felt they should be invited to the wedding, then they should be there and I should get to know them. I also ended up inviting them to the engagement party and shower b/c I did want to at least meet them before the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sounds like my previous post.  My father was doing it though.  He stopped talking to me and univited himself.  So I warn that you be careful in how you bring it up.  I thought I was being tactful explaining that we only wanted a small wedding of 90-100 people, and that his list was half of our invites.  Most of them were people we didn’t know and that we had to not invite people we wanted to accomodate him.  Like the previous person said, explain that if additional spots open, then you can accomodate some more of their guests.

Post # 7
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Maybe you should giver her a specific number of guests she can invite. We are only having 150 people and since we are paying for the wedding ourselves we are allowing each of our parents 4 guests (who would not already be on the guestlist). At this stage in our planning we feel like if they insist on more then they will be paying for them.

Post # 9
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law is inviting 16 people!!! I know NONE of them.  Im not happy and neither is Fiance but he won’t stick up for us.  We are only inviting about 115 people because of cost.  I would definately have him talk to her though.  Like everyone else said no since in rocking the boat this early.

Post # 10
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had that same issue. Except it was my FI’s step mom…who he HATES! She wanted everyone in her family invited (people i’ve never met) including the kids of her relatives. We are trying to cut our numbers and I talked to my FI’s dad and told him that we weren’t even inviting all of FI’s mom’s family (blood-family) and my Future Father-In-Law told me that if all of the step-mom’s family wasn’t invited, they wouldn’t be helping to pay for the wedding. I suggested that we invite the adults and not the kids and he said that wasn’t good enough. Fiance doesnt want them there at all and said he would rather pay for the wedding ourself and not invite his family at all. I ended up cutting friends from my list to add step-mom’s entire family. I am not happy about this and Fiance doesnt know yet…I’m just trying to keep the peace for now…not sure how or when to tell him…

Post # 13
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@mzlouis2b: We also gave a set number. 

Our hope was to invite 135 people, so we split the guest list into thirds.  Future In-Laws get 45 people (including their children, relatives, friends, whomever), my parents get 45 people (ditto), and Fiance and I have 45 people (mutual and personal friends).  I guess we could’ve calculated out invited family and just told them guests, but his family is bigger than mine so that would be unbalanced.  It forces each side to decide who is actually important (i.e. aunts and uncles vs. coworkers vs. neighbors).  There are people on my FIL’s list I haven’t met, people on my parents’ list that he hasn’t met, and people on our friends list that the other hasn’t met (mostly friends from college).  But as long as we’re at our number, it should be fine, and I’m excited to meet the people who have been important in FI’s life.

Post # 15
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yep, like another bee suggested, tell them they have x number of friends to invite, and stress the importance of the budget and keeping the guest list at a certain number.

Post # 16
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@missmichigan: I hear you, and I’m sure it’s frustrating.  If it helps, think about your wedding not just in terms of the two of you, but also as your families joining.  If the two of you were all that mattered, you could throw a tiny party that you pay for yourself and just invite your top people.  But this is also about two families coming together and everyone supporting the couple, so you might have to let a few people slide.  Also, we live near my FI’s family, so I’ve met way more of his parents’ friends/family than he’s met of mine.  Doesn’t mean they’re less important though, and maybe one day we’ll live closer to my family and they’ll become a bigger part of our social circle.  I’d just set a number and let it go.  Good luck.

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