Post # 1
Ok, I know I post on here a lot about my FMIL I just have had a rough past with her and I am trying to kind of handle her with care to avoid any more issues.
Anyways, I spent sometime with her this weekend and we looked at dresses for her to wear for my wedding. She was really interested in what my mother was wearing and said that she wanted to match her. I have never heard of the mothers matching and I don’t think this is a tradition in anyway. She has seen my mother’s dress and keeps trying to get something similar which I do not want and I know my mom would be upset if she showed up in something similar. I told her several times that she doesn’t have to match my mom and to pick out something she loves and feels great in but, she kept going back to wanting to wear something to match my mother. Is there another polite way to empasize that she does not need to match?
Post # 3
Does she mean style of dress or color?
Post # 4
@Lbward6: …I think the focus shouldn’t be on “matching” but maybe coordinating? Honestly, she can wear whatever she wants, so the fact that she’s even seeking your input is terribly considerate….and also a little sweet. Maybe she and your mom can both be in the same color, but different styles? Or maybe the same style, but a different color? This doesn’t have to turn into a negative experience if you don’t let it…it could be kind of fun!
Post # 5
I’ve heard of them coordinating but not matching. Maybe suggest matching colors and getting different styles or same style different colors?
Post # 6
my colors were navy and lilac. BMs wore Navy dresses. my mom found a sparkly navy dress. MIL also wore a sparkly navy dress but a different style. both moms looked amazing.
Post # 7
@Lbward6: Would it be possible to be direct, and tell her both you and your mother would be upset if they dressed alike? The mothers’ attire can be complementary, but certainly not matchy matchy. No way.
Post # 8
Matching colors wouldn’t be too horrible, but the same exact attire would be very odd.
Honestly, I would just show her a picture of something and say “my mom is wearing this”… and if she asks at the wedding.. just tell her your mom changed her mind.
Post # 9
The typical “rules” for MOB/MOG at weddings;
MOB picks out dress first and shows MOG. MOG matches the MOB in length and formality (If MOB is floor length evening dress, MOG wears floor length evening, if MOB is cocktail dress, MOG wears contact dress, ect) The MOG also tries not to clash, but matching isn’t necessary (nor really wanted) Matching wedding color isn’t necessary, but can look very nice.
My mom and FMIL were very much into this rule. My mom still tells how my grandma and the MOG wore the same dress and different colors to my aunt’s wedding. They had a giggle about it, but it something she would prefer to avoid.
Post # 10
I don’t think your FMIL wants the match your mother. “She has seen my mother’s dress and keeps trying to get something similar which I do not want”
This does not mean she wants to match, it means she wants to coordinate and to have a cohesive look. I see nothing wrong with that, your mother should be flattered.
Post # 11
@HisIrishPrincess both, she was looking for almost the exact same dress.
@Nona99 I completely agree that this could be a fun experience, we had a lot of fun looking at dress this past weekend, it was one of the first times we got to spend time together just us. I like the idea of suggesting coordinating, she really wants m input so maybe I can suggest a few dresses that are similar in color but different style.
@BluSptLvR that’s a really great idea, this is her first son to get married so she also is probably a little unsure of what to wear too.
@ajillity81 thanks for your feedback!!
@Astra unfortunately I can’t really be direct with her because I am afraid she might take it the wrong way but, she is very interested in my opinion on what to wear so I am thinking maybe I can suggest a few dresses that would look nice wiht my mom’s dress
@jenilynevette my mom’s dress is a nude with lots of beading in blacks and silver so maybe I can find something in one of those colors that would look nice with my mom’s dress
Post # 12
If it bothers you that much, the do what PPs said and try to help her coordinate with your mom, but not match. At my cousin’s wedding in June, my aunt (her mom) and her MIL wore the same style of dress but in different colors (both had lacy knee-length dresses, one in coral and one ina beautfiul blue). It actually looked very nice and set them apart as the Moms.