(Closed) FMIL wants to wear black to the wedding. Ugh.

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I tell my FMIL it's okay to wear black to the wedding?
    Yes. Let her wear black. : (147 votes)
    90 %
    No. Tell her that black is NOT okay! : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Other (please explain) : (3 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee

    @As_You_Wish:  Aww, sorry it doesn’t fit with your vision.  I honestly know a lot of people (myself included) who wear black to weddings.  I think it’s nice that she asked you if you minded – some FMILs wouldn’t necessarily do that, especially if they’re not close, as you mentioned.  If it were me, I’d let it slide, but I’m not super picky when it comes to what people wear to my wedding.  It’s more about them being there and sharing the day with us.  Hope things work out for you!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I’d let it slide. There’s really nothing wrong with wearing black to a wedding (I’ve done it many times), and if she has a dress that she’ll be comfortable in, she’ll be in a better mood! As a guest, I wouldn’t bat an eye at a black dress or think she was in mourning. Honestly, the only person whose clothing I’ve EVER paid attention to during weddings is the bride (and the bridesmaids, but mostly the bride!).

    Post # 5
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I told my Future Mother-In-Law that she was free to wear black to my wedding. She was having a hard time finding a dress, and her comfort is more important to me than “matching” or whether or not people think she’s in mourning. 

    That said, not everyone feels the way I do, so, if it bothers you, then answer her question honestly. She asked, so I’m assuming she would like you to tell her the truth. Do you live nearby? Maybe you could offer to have a fun girls’ day shopping together and see if you can find something you both like?

    Post # 6
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    That’s really a tough spot, maybe you could let her wear black but ask her to wear a bight sweater…

    Or, if you are really against it see if you could go shopping with her if you have a chance and then you can bond too!  Does your Fiance have a sister that would be able to help look as well?

    Post # 7
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It’s probably more of a “little black dress” than a heavy mourning shroud complete with black veil.  I’d let it slide. 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I know it’s frustrating when thinks don’t fit what you had pictured. I don’t think black is really associated with funerals/mourning/etc anymore, it’s just a neutral color. At least it’s not a big white dress!

    My bridesmaids are in black, my mom’s in black, the GM’s vests are black… it’s just a nice neutral IMO, flattering and easy to match. We’ll have lots of accent color… perhaps you could ask if she could set it off with accessories, such as a shawl, if you want to have her look a little “brighter”?

    Post # 9
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wearing black to a wedding – it really depends on what the dress looks like. I know and have seen tons of people wear black and look great, but maybe you already know her style a bit and her dress would probably scream “i’m in mourning”.

    Maybe try – “You’re really important to me and ____ and I would really like all the important people at the wedding (immediate family and wedding party) to stand out a bit, and I’m afraid that if you wear black you wouldn’t stand out as much.” Good luck girl!

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2067 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s not a big deal, I don’t think… My mom wore a black dress to my brother’s wedding – it had a pattern on it… It was actually beautiful! I don’t think anyone will think she’s mourning

    Post # 11
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @Juliepants:  LOL

    I wouldn’t worry about it! I’ve never ever seen a person wearing black, at a wedding or anywhere else, where I thought they were in mourning. Whenever I think of mourning though I imagine Scarlett O’Hara pouting in her huge black ballgown and veil lol. So unless she is wearing that, don’t worry about it 🙂 My mom wore black to my wedding and I thought she looked super cute! Actually, lots of guests wore black! It’s just universally flattering 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @risingsun:  Oh yes I forgot to add that my bridesmaids also wore black! And they looked super cute!

    Post # 13
    Member
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    There is still plenty of time to find a dress and most stores are getting dresses in. 

    My Future Mother-In-Law said she wanted to wear black because she likes that color I told her that means she dissapproves of the bride so now she wants a dark blue and I am fine with that.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1767 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I say let it slide- but then again, all of my BMs, my Mother-In-Law, my mother, my grandmother, and many of our guests all wore black! Then again, our wedding was essentially a New Years Eve party where we happened to get married- so black, white, silver, and gold fit our vision really well. I understand that your wedding may be a bit different, but I wouldn’t be too concerned about what your Mother-In-Law wears to the wedding, especially if you’re not very well aquainted. No need to cause tension!

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I fully expect my Future Mother-In-Law to wear black since she’s so against the wedding! LOL I really don’t care it’s August so she’ll be roasting in the hot sun….I’m CERTAINLY NOT going shopping with her. Just let her wear whatever she wants, at least she’ll be comfy. Be grateful she called and asked, that’s worth a lot right there.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Black tends to be flattering on a lot of people and lends to a more formal atmosphere.   Besides, grooms and groomsmen usually wear black tuxes… 

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