Post # 1
So yeah…my Future Mother-In-Law just sent me an e-mail to ask my permission to wear black to our wedding.
She said she hasn’t been able to find a dress she likes but she already owns a black dress and she wondered if I would mind if she wears it. I don’t even know how to respond to that! I’m super easy going about most things but seriously, why would she want to wear black? Won’t people think she’s in mourning or something? How should I respond to this? I hate conflict and I don’t know my Future Mother-In-Law very well as it is since she lives an 8 hour drive away from us. Ughhh!
Post # 3
@As_You_Wish: Aww, sorry it doesn’t fit with your vision. I honestly know a lot of people (myself included) who wear black to weddings. I think it’s nice that she asked you if you minded – some FMILs wouldn’t necessarily do that, especially if they’re not close, as you mentioned. If it were me, I’d let it slide, but I’m not super picky when it comes to what people wear to my wedding. It’s more about them being there and sharing the day with us. Hope things work out for you!
Post # 4
I’d let it slide. There’s really nothing wrong with wearing black to a wedding (I’ve done it many times), and if she has a dress that she’ll be comfortable in, she’ll be in a better mood! As a guest, I wouldn’t bat an eye at a black dress or think she was in mourning. Honestly, the only person whose clothing I’ve EVER paid attention to during weddings is the bride (and the bridesmaids, but mostly the bride!).
Post # 5
I told my Future Mother-In-Law that she was free to wear black to my wedding. She was having a hard time finding a dress, and her comfort is more important to me than “matching” or whether or not people think she’s in mourning.
That said, not everyone feels the way I do, so, if it bothers you, then answer her question honestly. She asked, so I’m assuming she would like you to tell her the truth. Do you live nearby? Maybe you could offer to have a fun girls’ day shopping together and see if you can find something you both like?
Post # 6
That’s really a tough spot, maybe you could let her wear black but ask her to wear a bight sweater…
Or, if you are really against it see if you could go shopping with her if you have a chance and then you can bond too! Does your Fiance have a sister that would be able to help look as well?
Post # 7
It’s probably more of a “little black dress” than a heavy mourning shroud complete with black veil. I’d let it slide. 🙂
Post # 8
I know it’s frustrating when thinks don’t fit what you had pictured. I don’t think black is really associated with funerals/mourning/etc anymore, it’s just a neutral color. At least it’s not a big white dress!
My bridesmaids are in black, my mom’s in black, the GM’s vests are black… it’s just a nice neutral IMO, flattering and easy to match. We’ll have lots of accent color… perhaps you could ask if she could set it off with accessories, such as a shawl, if you want to have her look a little “brighter”?
Post # 9
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wearing black to a wedding – it really depends on what the dress looks like. I know and have seen tons of people wear black and look great, but maybe you already know her style a bit and her dress would probably scream “i’m in mourning”.
Maybe try – “You’re really important to me and ____ and I would really like all the important people at the wedding (immediate family and wedding party) to stand out a bit, and I’m afraid that if you wear black you wouldn’t stand out as much.” Good luck girl!
Post # 10
It’s not a big deal, I don’t think… My mom wore a black dress to my brother’s wedding – it had a pattern on it… It was actually beautiful! I don’t think anyone will think she’s mourning
Post # 11
I wouldn’t worry about it! I’ve never ever seen a person wearing black, at a wedding or anywhere else, where I thought they were in mourning. Whenever I think of mourning though I imagine Scarlett O’Hara pouting in her huge black ballgown and veil lol. So unless she is wearing that, don’t worry about it 🙂 My mom wore black to my wedding and I thought she looked super cute! Actually, lots of guests wore black! It’s just universally flattering 🙂
Post # 12
@risingsun: Oh yes I forgot to add that my bridesmaids also wore black! And they looked super cute!
Post # 13
There is still plenty of time to find a dress and most stores are getting dresses in.
My Future Mother-In-Law said she wanted to wear black because she likes that color I told her that means she dissapproves of the bride so now she wants a dark blue and I am fine with that.
Post # 14
I say let it slide- but then again, all of my BMs, my Mother-In-Law, my mother, my grandmother, and many of our guests all wore black! Then again, our wedding was essentially a New Years Eve party where we happened to get married- so black, white, silver, and gold fit our vision really well. I understand that your wedding may be a bit different, but I wouldn’t be too concerned about what your Mother-In-Law wears to the wedding, especially if you’re not very well aquainted. No need to cause tension!
Post # 15
I fully expect my Future Mother-In-Law to wear black since she’s so against the wedding! LOL I really don’t care it’s August so she’ll be roasting in the hot sun….I’m CERTAINLY NOT going shopping with her. Just let her wear whatever she wants, at least she’ll be comfy. Be grateful she called and asked, that’s worth a lot right there.
Post # 16
Black tends to be flattering on a lot of people and lends to a more formal atmosphere. Besides, grooms and groomsmen usually wear black tuxes…