FMIL wants us to have a extravagant wedding. We don't.

posted 11 months ago in Family
Post # 2
3458 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Sounds like you two should have a courthouse wedding, then. She can’t stop you from doing it. And she’ll get over it once it’s all said and done. If she doesn’t get over it, that’s her problem. I’d stop talking to her about the wedding entirely. 

Post # 3
206 posts
Helper bee

lydiabee123 :  In laws are only as controlling as you allow them to be and this will only get worse as you buy a house, have kids, pick out schools, etc. You want to really make a statement and tell your Future Mother-In-Law who is in control of your marriage? Then go to the courthouse with or without her. Or there may be cute chapels nearby that do elopements. Either way, you and your FH need to be on the same page. If he’s a push over for mommy then that will be a huge strain in your marriage.

Post # 4
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are adults. You make the decisions. Why reward her bad behavior by giviing in?

Post # 5
8869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lydiabee123 :  It’s not something they have control over, so who cares what she wants or if she cries over it? She’s being silly. Ignore it. 

… Unless they’re paying. Are they paying?

Post # 6
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your money, your desire, your wedding. She can pout to your Future Sister-In-Law all she wants, she isn’t signing the marriage certificate 

Post # 7
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Have the wedding you want to have.  If she throws a tantrum like a toddler, ignore her.  What’s the worst she can do?  She can’t ground you, take away your car keys or remove privileges, can she?!  Just don’t tell her what you’re doing – if she asks, “grey rock” – ie give her a boring answer that doesn’t tell her anything.  “When is your wedding date?” “Still figuring that out.” And so on.

honeybunbee is spot on.  This is only going to get worse if you don’t lay boundaries down now and stick to them.

Post # 8
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would plan the wedding you want and then just tell her when it is and where but keep all other details to yourselves as she is unreasonable.

if she asks about details then only give basic facts or say u just say thanks but it is covered.

Post # 9
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

What is stopping you from having a courthouse wedding? Answer: Nothing. So have it and be done. You’re probably going to have to deal with her meltdowns and tantrums for years to come, she seems like the type. Doesn’t mean she gets to have her way.

Even if she offered to pay for this extravagant wedding you don’t want that means nothing if you decide to go to the courthouse. Couple hundred bucks or less you each pay and ta da, married. Problem solved.

Post # 10
4579 posts
Honey bee

So do what you want.  If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to stand up to mommy and not wait for other people’s approval to validate you.  You’re just pissing your time away sitting there wishing his mother was like someone else.  You don’t get to control other people – you only get to control yourself and how you react.  So, as long as you’re spending only your money, you can do what you like.  So do it.

Post # 11
7042 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just can’t fathom a life in which I let someone else have that much control over me? To me this shouldn’t even be a discussion with them – have the wedding you want. 

Post # 12
333 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry. But when I read the part about the cost of your Future Mother-In-Law house I laughed cause THIS is what $450K gets you in my neck of the woods 😂😂😂

All jokes aside. Just have the wedding you two want and let her have her heart attack. 

Post # 13
1383 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like the perfect brew for a courthouse wedding or elopement! Do what YOU two want, don’t let anyone else dictate how you marry your loved one

Post # 14
992 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

And you don’t have to deal with her attempts to control you for the rest of your life–if you and your future husband are on the same page about refusing to do so.

Post # 15
769 posts
Busy bee

She sounds like a melter. Cut her off from future wedding chat and have the wedding you want to have. 

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