Post # 1
Fiancé and I have been together 9 years. Future in laws are controlling. Future Mother-In-Law wants this to basically be her wedding. When I suggested a couple dates she said no. Fiancé and I are laid back private people. Future Mother-In-Law wants our wedding in their backyard of their $450,000 house with their pool so they can show off. We mentioned we wanted to have a pig roast bbq / small wedding at my family’s farm. Future Mother-In-Law threw a fit and had a melt down. One to where she was taking a bath sobbing, drinking wine, and calling her daughter freaking out. She is disgusted that we don’t want an extravagant elegant wedding. Fiancé explained to her that we don’t want that. She wouldn’t back down. At one point he got so upset with her that he said “f*** an elegant wedding!” We are both just so pushed away from having a wedding party at all.
We actually just want to get married at the courthouse! Just us two. Save money and not have to fuss over arguing with her about it. We don’t care about “the show” that she wants to put on. We don’t care to impress any one. Fiancé said he wouldn’t care if I was wearing jeans and a shirt to get married in. All that matters to us is that we are together and married. My parents got married at the courthouse 34 years ago. They said they never regretted it. They said that they will be happy with whatever we decide. Why couldn’t she be that way?!
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Sounds like you two should have a courthouse wedding, then. She can’t stop you from doing it. And she’ll get over it once it’s all said and done. If she doesn’t get over it, that’s her problem. I’d stop talking to her about the wedding entirely.
Post # 3
lydiabee123 : In laws are only as controlling as you allow them to be and this will only get worse as you buy a house, have kids, pick out schools, etc. You want to really make a statement and tell your Future Mother-In-Law who is in control of your marriage? Then go to the courthouse with or without her. Or there may be cute chapels nearby that do elopements. Either way, you and your FH need to be on the same page. If he’s a push over for mommy then that will be a huge strain in your marriage.
Post # 4
You are adults. You make the decisions. Why reward her bad behavior by giviing in?
Post # 5
lydiabee123 : It’s not something they have control over, so who cares what she wants or if she cries over it? She’s being silly. Ignore it.
… Unless they’re paying. Are they paying?
Post # 6
Your money, your desire, your wedding. She can pout to your Future Sister-In-Law all she wants, she isn’t signing the marriage certificate
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Have the wedding you want to have. If she throws a tantrum like a toddler, ignore her. What’s the worst she can do? She can’t ground you, take away your car keys or remove privileges, can she?! Just don’t tell her what you’re doing – if she asks, “grey rock” – ie give her a boring answer that doesn’t tell her anything. “When is your wedding date?” “Still figuring that out.” And so on.
honeybunbee is spot on. This is only going to get worse if you don’t lay boundaries down now and stick to them.
Post # 8
I would plan the wedding you want and then just tell her when it is and where but keep all other details to yourselves as she is unreasonable.
if she asks about details then only give basic facts or say u just say thanks but it is covered.
Post # 9
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
What is stopping you from having a courthouse wedding? Answer: Nothing. So have it and be done. You’re probably going to have to deal with her meltdowns and tantrums for years to come, she seems like the type. Doesn’t mean she gets to have her way.
Even if she offered to pay for this extravagant wedding you don’t want that means nothing if you decide to go to the courthouse. Couple hundred bucks or less you each pay and ta da, married. Problem solved.
Post # 10
So do what you want. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to stand up to mommy and not wait for other people’s approval to validate you. You’re just pissing your time away sitting there wishing his mother was like someone else. You don’t get to control other people – you only get to control yourself and how you react. So, as long as you’re spending only your money, you can do what you like. So do it.
Post # 11
I just can’t fathom a life in which I let someone else have that much control over me? To me this shouldn’t even be a discussion with them – have the wedding you want.
Post # 12
I’m sorry. But when I read the part about the cost of your Future Mother-In-Law house I laughed cause THIS is what $450K gets you in my neck of the woods 😂😂😂
All jokes aside. Just have the wedding you two want and let her have her heart attack.
Post # 13
Sounds like the perfect brew for a courthouse wedding or elopement! Do what YOU two want, don’t let anyone else dictate how you marry your loved one
Post # 14
And you don’t have to deal with her attempts to control you for the rest of your life–if you and your future husband are on the same page about refusing to do so.
Post # 15
She sounds like a melter. Cut her off from future wedding chat and have the wedding you want to have.