Post # 1
Over the weekend, I emailed my Future Mother-In-Law that my mom was looking at dresses and asked if she would like to see pictures. My hope was to give her a subtle idea of what would be appropriate for our wedding without being pushy or demanding.
This morning, Future Mother-In-Law asked Mr. C if she could wear the outfit she wore to his sister’s wedding. His sister had a casual beach wedding on St. Thomas with just parents and a couple of siblings. FMIL’s outfit was a skirt and top that were perfectly suited to a beach wedding in the summer; however our wedding which is much more formal in setting and style. The outfit would be fine for the rehearsal dinner maybe, just not the wedding.
Mr. C told her no, that I wanted things more formal. While he’s correct, I’m not thrilled with how he handled it, I’d have taken a gentler approach like mentioning she’s lost weight since then and that the lightweight fabric might be a bit chilly.
Should I pretend I know nothing of this exchange and send pictures of what my mom is considering? Maybe mention that it would be perfect for the rehearsal dinner if it still fits because she’s lost weight?
I’d prefer she wore something more appropriate to our wedding, but I don’t want to alienate her. Any advice?
Update – Thanks for the advice, I’m not going to mention anything. Just share some venue photos and whatever direction she takes, let it work itself out.
Post # 3
@Cappugcino: I did the “This is what my mom bought! YAY!” thing and showed pictures to get the idea across. Also, a trip to the venue. But if your wedding is actually in 2014 I really wouldn’t worry about it now..
Post # 4
@jpalm13: The wedding really is 2014, but both moms are very odd sizes and heights so we need to select with lots of time for ordering a different size, alterations, etc. Unfortunately, Future Mother-In-Law lives in Vancouver and the wedding is in Ontario, but I could snap a ton of photos next visit to the venue to share with her.
Post # 5
@Cappugcino: I would just leave it alone and not say anything. I’m in the camp of letting grown women choose their own clothes and if they pick something inappropriate, they are the only ones it reflects on. Your Fiance already said something — no big deal if he was comfortable with it, but if I were you, I would not add to it. If she asks you can give an honest opinion, but if she doesn’t ask you, I recommend leaving it alone.
Post # 6
Yeah, it sounds like you have a very tactful plan for handling it, and plenty of time to do it. I wouldn’t worry about this too much – it will blow over and I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law will look lovely. When I clicked on the thread, I was expecting to see something about how she was insisting on wearing a skin-tight mondo-cleavage fire-engine red tear-away dress to your Amish ceremony, or something. You’ll be fine.
Post # 7
I don’t think I would say anything. Your Fiance has already told her not to wear the beach outfit, IMO it should be left at that. In the end she is going to wear what she wants.
Post # 8
Thank you all for the advice. For now, I think I’ll not mention anything about outfits. In a few weeks, I may take @jpalm13: ‘s suggestion to send her photos of the venue. When my mom finally chooses her outfit in a month or two, I may send her a picture of it then.
Post # 9
My BEST ADVICE…
Don’t bring up the other outfit at all… and certainly not the weight issue !!
I’d send her a note… saying
Mr C mentioned that you asked him about what to wear to the Wedding … so I thought I’d send you some pics of the outfits my Mom has been looking at considering, so you’ll have an idea as to formality etc.
(You can mention formality, as your Fiance already has)
The one thing I would do… is find out specifically what your Mom has planned for herself… because the norm is the MOB picks first. And it would suck if your Future Mother-In-Law went out and bought one of these exact same dresses that your Mom has been looking at strictly because she thought the email examples were to be taken literally !!
So it is helpful to say… Mom bought her dress, and it is Royal Blue.
Hopefully after all is said & done… FMIL will take the hint, and ask you about dresses she might find / like for herself… questions in regards to colour in particular
Do you think I should wear a shade of blue too ? Will we clash ? Should we all be in the same colour family as your Wedding Colours etc (ie Royal Blue – Lilac – Deep Purple)
Hope this helps,
And hopefully your Future Mother-In-Law will take the hints in good form, and the end result will be pleasing to you both.