(Closed) FMIL….did this happen to you?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I find families are hard in general, and I’ve noticed that surounding the wedding everyone goes crazy!  My mom is not happy we’re having it outside, his mom is appalled that we are having homemade wine, his dad wants to invite everyone under the sun, my sister (MOH) doesn’t like any of the food choices. . .

Just try to tell yourself that it is your day and avoid talking to them about your choices as much as possible (unless they are paying. . .then it gets trickier).  I had issues with my fiance’s dad post engagement but I think it is mostly because he is stressed about the big step we’re taking (his parents are divorced).  If it gets worse, maybe the best thing to do is to sit down and have a chat with them, or if that’s too uncomfortable, have your fiance do it?

Good luck!  I hope they turn back into the family you love!

Post # 5
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Luckily my mil is very sweet and stays out of our business… but I’ve seen other threads recently on this very topic so I know you’re not alone by any means!

Post # 6
44 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

“future monster in law” lol!  sorry u have to go through this!  mine hasn’t been crazy at all except for the time she suggested that i only invite like 20 of my own friends in order to have my number be more balanced with FI’s list.  i have 6 bridesmaids.  yeah…not going to work.

anyways, don’t let her bully you- good luck!

Post # 7
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Mine is a future “monster in law” that is passive aggressive and her comments drive me nuts but I know it’s her way to get under my skin so I totally ignore it.

She is cheap, traditional Catholic. Who doesn’t realize quality and cheap are two different things. And I am the total opposite..so here goes a fun two years 😀

So..I don’t wanna start cuz I would write a novel and well, it’s only the beginning.

Just smile, brush it off your shoulder. and do what you want. It is your wedding and you are the one going to have to live with it so it you aren’t happy…than what’s the point?

Post # 9
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have been my Fiance for a long time (almost 10yrs) and i got along great with his family.  But now I think either I am overly sensitive or they are crazy.  it’s amazing how many opinions they have about the wedding and I’m thinking “save the opinions for your daughter’s wedding”  I think it could be me being sensitive.  I think everyone goes a little nutso with weddings tho

Post # 10
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ugh I hope this doesn’t happen for me. I’ve only met my Future Mother-In-Law once (she lives many states away) but she was perfectly nice. Hopefully after we’re engaged she doesn’t go all crazy on me!

Post # 11
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Whoa, @floridabeachbride and stlgingko, please straighten me out here.  Are you stereotyping traditional Catholics as cheap?  If so I take major offense to that.

I’ve known plenty of Catholics, and cheap is not even on the radar.  In fact in some of the Catholic families I know, were typically pretty poor, but still managed to know how to pull off a classy wedding.

Post # 13
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Mine is my FI’s step-mom. My Future Mother-In-Law is awesome but the step-FMIL became the monster out of no where. Oh well. I have been taking it in strides and totally ignoring her because my Fiance says he doesn’t care what she thinks.

Post # 14
1110 posts
Bumble bee

I fully expect it to happen.  

Granted, when we first got together, there was some flip-out because I was black, but I think they got over that.

Then we went to buy a house.  What does she say?  “I didn’t raise you that way!”.  Um?  So *I* was raised “that way”, whatever “that way” is?  I don’t see anything terribly wrong with being raised “that way”…

Perhaps one of the reasons we haven’t gone to move forward is because deep down we know his mom and sister will pull out some crazy…  So I guess it’s not a total 180, just true colors being shown.

Post # 15
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t know about the “cheap” thing, but my Future Mother-In-Law is the exact opposite or cheap and still hates everything we do… I’m a DIY kind of gal, and my Future Mother-In-Law can’t sew on a button, so all of the DIY projects I have planned are being frowned upon.

After some discussion with Fiance about why Future Mother-In-Law hates all of our plans and is so snarky about a lot of things, we kind of came to the conclusion that she’s had this wedding planned for years, and I’m really just supposed to be filling a role.

BTW- When we went through their guest list, I could have kicked myself for not having a video camera to record the fit (literally!) that she threw when we didn’t want to invite people we didn’t know. You girls would have LOVED it.

Fiance advice to me, and my advice to you, is take people’s opinions politely, and then make plans the way you want anyway. When they have a fit, be sympathetic (it’ll drive them crazy), and then just say that you really feel like your choice suits the two of you. And be prepared with a bottle of wine, and thoughts of that giddy holy-crap-we’re-getting-married feeling to occasionally make you forget hurtful words :).

Post # 16
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Thanks for the clarification, stlginkgo.

@surkim  Was she sticking her nose up at the house itself?  Was the house you were looking at not good enough for her?

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