(Closed) FMIL…driving me bonkers

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ejay15:  Yikes!  That sounds really frustrating.

Is your Mother-In-Law paying for the wedding?  Are the venues that she is looking at for the rehearsal or the reception?  If she’s paying for the rehearsal, I would just let her plan that, pick everything, etc.  Don’t be scared because it’s not your event.  It doesn’t reflect on you at all.  If she is not paying for the wedding then I would definitely be very confused as to why she is looking at venues.  Have you already found a venue?  If you haven’t, you could throw her a bone, go to a venue she suggests and then explain why it wouldn’t work (if it doesn’t).  

If your Mother-In-Law is a good-natured meddler, then once you pick your venue, I would ensure that they know that you and/or your Fiance are the only ones that can make changes/decisions to your package.  

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

haha my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law share some of these qualities. I honestly think that they believe I don’t see what they are doing, and that they think they are being super sly about it rather than annoying and coming off as a mix of either manipulative (if they know what they’re doing) or dumb (if they really can’t follow along!).  The only thing to do is have your Fiance mention that you’re getting overwhelmed from too many differing opinions and their “help” is appreciated but in the end making planning harder for you.

Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Future Mother-In-Law wants to help “as much as she can”.. so she says. She is helping by not sending me names nor addresses, “forgetting” what colors I chose, begging me to go to bridal shows with her and cancelling last minute! She even tells me she hates all of my ideas and always has some family member that has “been there every birthday and would just die if they couldn’t come!”

 

Im going to plan things the way I like them, and she’ll see if its good enough for herself the day of the wedding!

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ejay15:  lol  Yeah…I have that issue with my in laws as well.  There were times when wedding planning was really stressful and the day of, things were REALLY stressful because NO. One. Listened. This meant everyone was late because they didn’t go to the right entrance, lost their directions and couldn’t remember THEIR OWN CELL NUMBER.  You can’t make this stuff up.  My BIL was almost an hour late for photos.  I was PISSED.  It also meant that we were going over and over details and had to explain the entire weekend again the week before.  It meant that the transportation my in laws arranged (which was REALLY nice of them) to my civil ceremony was 20 mintues early…well, they were on time, but my in laws didn’t listen and gave them the wrong time…20 minutes to someone who is trying to put their own makeup on and do their hair FOR THEIR WEDDING is a big deal.  lol

That could be what’s going on here.  If you don’t think that she’s being passive aggressive about the venue etc (it’s REALLY weird that she’s looking at venues and isn’t paying…she’s going by herself???), then I would wonder if she’s actually paying attention to what you’re saying or has a hearing problem.  Just go over things again and again (it’s SO frustrating, I know) or ask your Fiance to do it.

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ejay15:  Me too.  Sounds like we have similar in laws.  lol  

At least they mean well and it sounds like you like your Mother-In-Law and that really goes a long way.  I really love mine (she’s a wonderful person) but we are very different and I cried a lot during the planning because of the stress of dealing with people who have very different ideas.  It didn’t help that until the day of, my Darling Husband didn’t fully get why I was frustrated.  Day of, he was livid.  

One time, I caught myself saying something along the lines of: “As per our conversation of such and such a date, this is what we decided and communicated with you”  LOL  That got me a look!  

If she doesn’t have daughters or doesn’t plan events (my Mother-In-Law doesn’t even have people over for dinner), they probably just don’t get the orgainization factor or why things have to be booked in advance.  Getting the addresses now will be such a huge help for you, but yeah…she doesn’t get it.  As I’m sure you know, in wedding land 1.5 years is NOTHING; goes by in a flash…  But peeps in the real world don’t get it.  

Your cutting and pasting idea is great!  Just try to stay cool and do as much as you can by yourself.  I would also have backup plans.  I wish I had listened to my gut about what was going on with my in laws rather than listening to my Darling Husband.  LOL

 

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