Post # 16
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
It sounds like horrible miscommunication. I admit that when I first read your post, I thought that you actually intended for them to pay for all of that stuff, not just a small contribution – and, from my cultural perspective, thought that was a bit much. Then I read the comments, and realized that wasn’t what you were talking about. My guess is that Future Mother-In-Law envisioned a $5000 wedding dress, open bar for 200 guests, etc.
Ask your Fiance to explain to his mom what the financial expections actually are, and where the cultural side comes in (bottle of champagne, bible, and perhaps the sash for your dress or something?).I’d also ask him to explain that you are offended over the lack of cultural respect, and suggest you all get together over said bottle of champagne to toast cultural differences and get the planning off to a better start.
Yeah, cross-cultural weddings are tough!! Good luck!!
Post # 17
Member
17 posts
Newbee
@kumquat11:
Thank you. The godmother is from my side of the family and the godfather from his, so my godmother (both of the wedding and by baptism) already payed for the other responsibilities and I told my fmil that but I guess she thinks I’m trying to make them sell their house for our wedding. I’m just not that kind of person and I don’t know why they would think they had to spend a fortune.
It just bothers me to the point where I don’t want to mention it to them, but I don’t want to take the goodfather title away from his dad and we still need someone who WILL follow the tradition and respect the way I wish to be married, if they wish to take part.
Post # 18
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
@KeenNeoGeo: I think you’re being a bit harsh considering that it does not sound like anyone has properly explained this tradition to your FI’s parents. And no, they didn’t call you and ask…because your Fiance was the one who asked his dad to do this, so naturally he’s the one they’re going to call about it. If I was your FI’s dad and he told me that I was traditionally expected to pay for the alcohol and help with the reception, I’d be assuming that meant I had to pay for all if not most of it. You said “I don’t know why they would think they had to spend a fortune”, but most of us here have said we would of thought the exact same thing in their situation – it just wasn’t explained properly.
I truly don’t think they meant any disrespect, and i would have your Fiance meet with them to explain the tradition and how you are not looking for them to spend a bunch of money and that they are not at all responsible for paying for all of the alcohol or the reception, and that it is more about just giving a little something to respect your tradition. Your Fiance needs to deal with this, and you need to let go of the grudge I can see building over this – it’s not your FIL’s fault that no one properly explained this to him, you seem to be putting a lot of thoughts in his head and words in his mouth. I know it’s because you’re hurt and feeling disrespected, but this all sounds like a big misunderstanding to me.
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