Post # 1
Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable…
Fiance & I are in a LDR and he’s in the area visiting for a week. Future Mother-In-Law picked him up from the airport and he’s been at work with her for a good portion of the day (he used to work there as well so he has relationships with a lot of the clients). I thought that was cool and asked if he’d like to meet me for lunch. He said he couldn’t as Future Mother-In-Law was taking him out, and apparently she was also taking some vacation time to hangout with him & his nephews later in the day so we can’t meet up this afternoon…okay.
So then I asked if he would be able to meet up with me in the EVENING to go talk to the venue coordinator. He said “Okay, maybe my mom can come too.” URGHH, I am so fed up with Future Mother-In-Law being such a hovering presence like this, and him thinking it’s normal. If it sounds like I’m just being witchy I should explain that SHE FREAKING SAW HIM TWO WEEKS AGO AND I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM IN MONTHS!!!!
I don’t see anything wrong with being close to family, as I’m very close to my own as well. But if I’ve already spent one on one time with my family and haven’t seen Fiance in months, umm you best believe I’ll be making time for him quick, fast, & in a hurry. And I won’t be dragging my freaking parents along like we’re 5. Is this weird to anyone else besides me? How can I explain how I feel about this without sounding like a jackass?
Post # 3
Yeah, I would be super annoyed with it. I would just be honest with him and say “Honey, I love you and I adore your mom but I can’t handle her being around all the time. We need to make it a priority in our relationship that we have time together, alone.’
Good luck, Future Mother-In-Law can be so touchy.
Post # 4
I would just say that you would like to spend some one on one time with him since you haven’t seen him in months and that you think you should go visit the coordinator together. Hopefully he gets it.
Post # 5
Thanks! You guys make it sound so easy. Lol hopefully it goes well
Post # 6
@Galang_Gyal: sounds like he’s walking a tight rope and trying to please everyone. I’d definitely tell him you need some alone time with him. He may have already mentioned the appointment to his mom, in which case, you may be stuck. But, hopefully you can have some concentrated time SOON.
Post # 7
@Galang_Gyal: I think it’s weirder that your husband to be isn’t making you a priority when he’s in town than the fact that his mother is making time to see him.
Post # 8
@Galang_Gyal: I think you are blaming the wrong person.
Post # 9
I dated a guy like that, once. I hope your guy can learn to lay down boundaries! Mine never could, and it was AWFUL.
Post # 10
It may not help in the long run but in this instance why not just bribe him? If my Fiance is trying to invite people along to something I wanted to be just us I just bribe him by saying things like “oh well, too bad I’m not gonna be feelin frisky with all those people around” or “Man, I was really hoping it was just us so we could get some sexy time in”… Works like a charm everytime!
Post # 11
I think it comes along with LDRs…this shit always happened with me and my SO. He would come to town for like 3 days and his mom especially would guilt trip him into spending most of the time with her and she would even specifically not invite me over, too (as in “family only at holidays, I’m sure there are things you can do with your family”). It isn’t fair and it has to be up to the son to tell his mom he can’t. Life is tough, but your relationship needs nurturing and esp since Future Mother-In-Law has seen him and you haven’t, it is your turn and he needs to do something special for you.
Post # 12
@Marry Jane: You speak the truth, because when he was local it wasn’t like this so much. I mean she was still a bit of a helicopter, but he wasn’t as clingy. But ever since he moved it’s been this way.I’m definitely going to speak up!
Post # 13
I live far from home too. It’s hard because everyone wants to see you when you come home. Still, I make those who are important to me my main priority. So to answer your question, no it’s not normal…and I’m talking about your SO. It’s not normal to be hanging out with your mom when you haven’t seen your SO in months.
Post # 14
@Galang_Gyal: Yeah definitely say something! It took a long time for it to get better, actually( so be patient as annoying as it is), but now I think after having SO stand up for me to her several times now, she is finally getting the picture. I know where Future Mother-In-Law is coming from (as much as she is super rude to me still -_-) but she knows where we are coming from in wanting to spend OUR free time together doing things WE enjoy :).
Post # 15
@Galang_Gyal: Sounds a lot like my Future Mother-In-Law. The difference is he doesn’t allow it to go that far. If she had her way, he’d be there 24/7. But he has learned to say no and she’s gotten much less demanding over the years.
Post # 16
This is typical behavior for my Mother-In-Law and it gets on my last nerve! Unfortunately it seems like yiur Fi has a case of mammas boy syndrome , worse , there isnt any Cure! telling a guy that it upsets you that he spends too much time with his mom usually ends w him defending the mother and you feeling like second best . The only hope is that you can drop hints to Future Mother-In-Law about it and maybe she will get a life (saying things like, it’s nice you got to see (FI name) all day Friday , unfortunately I only got to talk to him on the phone since you guys were so busy! sad that he and I never get to see each other . (key is to sound sincere and sweet about them spending time, dont wanna seem sarcastic !
I’m only home on weekends , that means I only get 48 hours (even less considering sleeping hours) with my Darling Husband while she gets to see him the remainder of the week. She only lives about 5 miles away so he sees her, on avg 2-3 times a week plus she calls him provably 3x s day. The kicker is that my Dh barely talks to me on the phone despite me being on road for work but yet will talk to her for 20 min after just seeing her.(I will say he really just listens and says yeah, mm hmm, ) for majority but still, he’s on the phone.
Despite all of this , she calls on weekends, keeps him on phone forever and guilts him about how she’s all alone , such bs. My mom lives alone and would never be so intrusive ! Plus she’s not even alone ! Ugh!