(Closed) FMIL+rehearsal dinner=Totally confused. Sigh.

posted 8 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Which venue should we pick?
    FMIL's hotel venue, suck it up. : (9 votes)
    53 %
    The more casual restaurant, she'll deal with it. : (6 votes)
    35 %
    Other: Explained below. : (2 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    I would try to find something a little less fancy expecially if this hotel would be fancier than your wedding.

    Post # 4
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m for letting her book the hotel. I think this is something small she’s asking for, and it sounds like she’s really excited. Let her do this for you. Just because it’s at a fancy place doesn’t mean that the dinner can’t be casual. If you’re with the people you want there, then it is what you make it. If you act like it’s a formal fancy dinner, people are going to start acting that way too. But if you’re casual about it, then everyone else will feel more relaxed and at ease about it. I say let her have this moment!

    Post # 5
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Is there anyway to find something in between the original place you wanted and the hotel she wants to use?

    Since you have such a good relationship with her, I don’t see a problem mentioning your concerns that the rehearsal will be fancier than your wedding.   She may not see it that way.   She may only be focusing on the Rehearsal now that she has said she will pay for it.   If you don’t speak up, she won’t know how you feel.

    I love the place we have chosen for our rehearsal dinner and I would be heartbroken if my Father-In-Law decided to foot the bill and change the location.

    Post # 6
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think you should voice your concerns to her and maybe work with her to try to find somewhere between the fancy hotel and your oringinal place (you said you had a really great relantionship with her so it seems she’d be open to this discussion).  Then she’ll still feel like she’s able to choose the place and organize things but you can get a venue that is less formal.

    Post # 8
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would allow her to plan this.  It’s her treat to you and your Fiance and I think it’s great that she’s willing to pay and is excited!

    EDIT: Sorry I didn’t see your post above mine…

    Post # 9
    25 posts

    It’s hard to really advise you here, as it’s not entirely clear how you feel about these restaurants.  You say you want the casual vibe of the other place.  But does it REALLY matter to you?  I mean, if this is something you are excited about, is a very important aspect of your vision for how you want your wedding weekend to go – then yes, stick with the casual place.  She sounds lovely, and while briefly disappointed, I’m sure explaining that you want casual will click with her, and she will transfer her excitement (albeit a little less so). 

    But if the idea of a casual rehearsal is just one of those “wouldn’t it be nice if…” ideas, then I would go with the more formal option.  It makes her happy and is more convenient for your guests.  It’s win/win, with minor loss for you.

    Post # 11
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think you should wait to see the menu. You seem kinda meh on the Thai place (love Thai btw) and this way it give you one else event to worry about, thus takes some stress off you. If she has a good working relationship with this hotel and you don’t like the first menu, I am sure they can throw something else together for you. And if that doesn’t work, I am sure she can find you another venue. Just let her do this and be thankful she has kept out of your hair for 99% of wedding related things.

    Post # 12
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it’s totally valid that you’re concerned about a) the rehearsal dinner being fancier than your wedding, and b) it being so upscale that you won’t get the relaxed feeling that you’ll need right before your wedding.  If I were you, I’d have an open, but very upbeat conversation with her to weigh the pros and cons.  Explain your concerns in honest but non-critical ways, and express your sincere gratitude… and then see what comes of it.  You might not get what you’re after because you might need to give her this one in order to truly show your gratitude, but by opening up an honest, true conversation about it, you can all come to a group decision.  If nothing else, hopefully you’ll feel heard and validated.  And since your wedding is a very different style (tented outdoor vs. fancy hotel rehearsal dinner), I don’t think guests would notice a “fanciness” disparity. If anything, they could be pleased to feel treated to two classy meals for one wedding! 🙂

    Post # 13
    516 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I guess do what is going to cause you the least stress. If she is paying for it kind of let her make the decision. Just try and enjoy it either way.

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